Friday, August 26, 2016

A Lodgepole Pine

Yellowstone National Park posted a picture to their Instagram account earlier today. They are enduring some pretty intense wildfires tearing through the southern portion of the park.

Commenters have been giving YNP grief because the fires are allowed to scorch the land as the fire sees fit. It marches its way along and the only 'interference' the humans do is protect buildings and evacuate humans. The fire is king. It was started naturally and naturally it shall burn.

There is this intricate cycle in nature and in life.
A balance.
Testing and beauty.
You can't have true beauty without the testing.

Today's fire update: slight growth on all fires and Yellowstone's south entrance remains closed. Full report on the blog at In this shot, the cone from a lodgepole pine opened by the Maple Fire: these trees require fire in order to disperse their seeds.
(Caption and photo from Yellowstone National Park)

"These trees require fire in order to disperse their seeds."

Oil prices have finally caught up to my family. It is rough. Lots of sleepless nights, lots and lots of praying and seeking and listening and crying. I don't say this to have you feel sorry for us, in fact, I sat staring at that cone for 30 minutes trying to figure out how to show my heart without sounding whiny. Those that know me and my heart know I don't whine. I hate whiny.

Matt said the other night, "I prayed that it was enough that we learned whatever we needed to learn."

I had been thinking the same thing, like this was some sort of Jesus lesson.

I replied, "I'm not sure that is it. I feel like we needed to go through this because He has somewhere He needs to get us and it took this to get us there." Not in a punishment sort of way but in a 'usage' sort of way. The fire isn't punishment on the land but the land uses it to make it better.

We have no idea what is happening but I saw this picture on Instagram and burst into tears. The fire is needed. Without the fire there is no new growth.

Fire is painful and destroys a lot but if I am a lodgepole pine, amazing things come after the flames.

Today I am a lodgepole pine and soon there will be beauty from the flames.

Beauty from Ashes.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Holy Yoga

I participated in my first Holy Yoga class this morning! My arms are still shaky some 5 hours later and even typing this is hard as my fingers are wanting to do their own thing, but it was awesome.

The whole "Holy Yoga" thing is completely foreign to me. I guess it was 3ish months ago, I listened to a friend's podcast where she interviewed a woman who had a pretty incredible story of redemption. This woman found Holy Yoga, became an instructor and it changed her life.

She gave a brief description of what Holy Yoga looked like and I'm probably going to butcher it but this is what I took from the description; letting Jesus speak to you while you are focusing on relaxing, praying, breathing and getting stronger in spirit and muscles. Less 'mother earth' and more Jesus created this Earth and us.

Months after reading that description our karate school welcomed a Holy Yoga instructor into some extra space at the school. Finally, this morning, I took my first class!

Listening to Scripture, worship music, while breathing, pushing myself and relaxing was more needed in my heart than I realized prior to getting on the mat. I left feeling centered even though my arms were spent. haha

There has been a lot lately that I have been seeking Jesus for and it was nice to show up, roll out a mat, get a good sweat going and just listen with my heart. (And try to breathe.)  At the end of class, we thanked God for ways He has shown up this past week.

If you have not tried Holy Yoga, I encourage you to find one near you.

I fully plan to take another class!

Thursday, August 4, 2016


Someone asked me recently why I hadn't posted about any foster stories.

We are on a break.

Our last placement sucked all the happy from us. The longer he was with us the angrier he became. The longer he was with us the more like zombies my family became.

I don't blame him. Let's make that clear.

His anger was 100% justified.

He was 6.

Not many 6 year olds have an understanding of time. When you are 6 and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, that brings rage in your tiny body. There were more 'things' that brought his rage and I would tell him how those issues made me mad too. Some things did not make sense & I couldn't get answers. Let's say I did get answers, it wouldn't have helped him to feel better.

So when I talk about how hard he was, I feel the need to defend him bc it wasn't his fault.

That being said, our family couldn't serve him like he needed.

When I tell people how hard our last placement was, I tend to get the "Oh yeah well duh." Like "of course he was hard! He came from a hard place." Basically everyone assumes bc I say words like "hard" "life sucking" "rage." All words that bring hesitation, people think we have thrown in the towel. And I think for a moment they feel a sense of relief like I proved that THEY shouldn't foster.

I can totally see the faces of people. They ask how it was or "how it is going?" Matt and I get honest and their demeanor changes and all of the sudden they act like Jesus just spoke to them, through us, that they shouldn't foster bc we said it is hard. Look people, Christ is not justifying your hesitation bc we say it is hard!! That is the devil my friends. Jesus doesn't say "Oh yeah Joe and Jan, Megan said it was hard so you are right. Don't foster." I am not giving you an out!

I hope that makes sense. And when we tell people it is hard they think we are done. Like it was too much so we give up. Umm news flash, we haven't quit.

So when I say how hard it was, we are not tapping out! Things are hard! That doesn't mean we throw in the towel!

Yes, we will be a family of 6 for many months. Yes, we will do this again. Yes, it will probably be hard but we are compelled. I did ask Jesus to take this calling away.

He laughed. That is His typical reaction to my silly requests. We are cool like that.

The next few months have lots going on with Matt's trip to Kenya, birthdays & our 14th anniversary & spiritual refilling. And lots of praying!

The Holy Spirit will tell us when the time to open the door to the spare room has come.

Caleb still talks about him. I can't quote him bc Caleb says his name but lots remind us of him. Green Gatorade being one thing.

I feel like I've come up out of the weeds and see my kids. In the past month, they have matured. It is mind blowing how they have grown this summer in life lessons and physically.

Chloe turns 10 in exactly one week. On Sept 11, Caleb turns 4.

So that is a vomiting of what it going on in the Knox house pertaining to fostering.

I have more to say but it would be changing lanes so I'll save it for another day.