Lately...

Someone asked me recently why I hadn't posted about any foster stories.

We are on a break.

Our last placement sucked all the happy from us. The longer he was with us the angrier he became. The longer he was with us the more like zombies my family became.

I don't blame him. Let's make that clear.

His anger was 100% justified.

He was 6.

Not many 6 year olds have an understanding of time. When you are 6 and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, that brings rage in your tiny body. There were more 'things' that brought his rage and I would tell him how those issues made me mad too. Some things did not make sense & I couldn't get answers. Let's say I did get answers, it wouldn't have helped him to feel better.

So when I talk about how hard he was, I feel the need to defend him bc it wasn't his fault.

That being said, our family couldn't serve him like he needed.

When I tell people how hard our last placement was, I tend to get the "Oh yeah well duh." Like "of course he was hard! He came from a hard place." Basically everyone assumes bc I say words like "hard" "life sucking" "rage." All words that bring hesitation, people think we have thrown in the towel. And I think for a moment they feel a sense of relief like I proved that THEY shouldn't foster.

I can totally see the faces of people. They ask how it was or "how it is going?" Matt and I get honest and their demeanor changes and all of the sudden they act like Jesus just spoke to them, through us, that they shouldn't foster bc we said it is hard. Look people, Christ is not justifying your hesitation bc we say it is hard!! That is the devil my friends. Jesus doesn't say "Oh yeah Joe and Jan, Megan said it was hard so you are right. Don't foster." I am not giving you an out!

I hope that makes sense. And when we tell people it is hard they think we are done. Like it was too much so we give up. Umm news flash, we haven't quit.

So when I say how hard it was, we are not tapping out! Things are hard! That doesn't mean we throw in the towel!

Yes, we will be a family of 6 for many months. Yes, we will do this again. Yes, it will probably be hard but we are compelled. I did ask Jesus to take this calling away.

He laughed. That is His typical reaction to my silly requests. We are cool like that.

The next few months have lots going on with Matt's trip to Kenya, birthdays & our 14th anniversary & spiritual refilling. And lots of praying!

The Holy Spirit will tell us when the time to open the door to the spare room has come.

Caleb still talks about him. I can't quote him bc Caleb says his name but lots remind us of him. Green Gatorade being one thing.

I feel like I've come up out of the weeds and see my kids. In the past month, they have matured. It is mind blowing how they have grown this summer in life lessons and physically.

Chloe turns 10 in exactly one week. On Sept 11, Caleb turns 4.

So that is a vomiting of what it going on in the Knox house pertaining to fostering.

I have more to say but it would be changing lanes so I'll save it for another day.