Sunday, October 9, 2016

Live With Purpose

Every encounter Jesus had, he had it with purpose.

His purpose.

This has struck me as something I think most of us wish we did more often.

In a random series of events one day last week, I had lunch with the President/CEO of Fine Airport Parking. He began to tell his story. A midst the chatter at the table, I hung on every word. If you want to be great, you learn from the great.

I didn't have much time but I knew I wanted to ask one question. I had purpose, a goal in the brief time I had.

I've been fortunate enough to spend some time with my father in law in the past week. I listen to him talk to his son, his grandkids and wife. He is the one person that will talk theology with me. I'm gonna miss that. The time spent with him is a treasure. A true treasure. I don't know how to emphasize that enough.

There is purpose. There is intent. There is 'the knowing' that this meeting could be the last.

The stuff with my FIL has been life altering, heart changing and focus shifting. I'm grateful to those that have walked the path before us & brought us comfort.

I'm not sure any of this makes sense. The journey thus far has been so mind blowing that it can be hard to absorb, and even for ME to put into words, but I am trying to be mindful of His nearness,

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

Live with Purpose.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Shattered Screen, Shattered Hearts

Matt is back from Kenya.

When people ask, "How is Matt recovering?" I want to tell the truth but most aren't ready to hear what I truly have to say.

Truth is, he hasn't. He won't. He can't.

Cooper dropped my iPad a few days ago. I was in the lobby of our karate school when he told me what he had done.

I looked at the iPad this morning, shards of glass were stuck to the case. If I touch it, shards of glass stick in my finger tips. The screen is completely shattered.

Just like our lives right now, shattered.

I look at that screen and I see my family and our hearts. We are broken, shards of heartbreak & pain protruding from each one of us. If you touch us, you will feel our pain. You will see our tears. You will hear our cries.

Our hearts are shattered.

It feels like this isn't happening but it is.

I'm sitting here, typing this while Matt is sleeping next to me. So much on his shoulders right now. The weight of his family. The weight of his job. The weight of jet lag still lingering a bit. The weight of pain. The weight of loss. Shards of glass piercing his heart.

Our family will never be the same.

Our family will be stronger.

Our family will be better because from great sorrow comes great victory!

So yeah, Matt is back from Kenya and he loved every single second of it.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Saturday, October 1, 2016


I always thought I had perspective.

That's probably what people say that don't have perspective.

I realize now, I did not have perspective.

That's probably what people say that now indeed have perspective.

The Bible talks of our life as a vapor, "you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." James 4:14

I always thought I understood just how quickly life can change.

That's probably what people say that have never felt life fall out beneath them.

While Matt was in Kenya,  the family got word that my Father-in-Law has cancer.


A biopsy was ordered and done.

Matt returns home from Kenya and two days later hears even more devastating news on his Hero.


Life literally changed within a matter of days and continues to change quite rapidly.

The man that gave life to my husband, the man that raised my husband, the man that taught my husband the love of Jesus, the man that baptized my husband, the man that prayed for me before he knew me, the man that stood in front of me and married my husband and I, the man my kids call "Grandpa" or "Papa."

He will soon be healed.


"So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

If you don't hear from anyone in the Knox family or we miss an appointment or we fail to ask about something that is important, whatever. Please show every one of us some grace because right now we are hurting but we rejoice in our hurting hearts because God is still oh so very good.



Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Four Sleeps

I'm watching the 2nd Bridget Jones's Diary.

Matt is probably just waking up.

I'm about to go to bed and tomorrow will bring 3 more sleeps.

I had all these thoughts of blogging every night while he was gone but I have found myself going to bed at a reasonable hour! Who am I?

So I've been to London. (Remember what I'm watching.)

I went with my Dad... I can not remember what year. I think between high school and college, that summer. I think.

I got the jet lag really awesome like.

I wish I could remember more of it.

I remember we rode a train from Brighton to London. I assume we rode it back to Brighton but I can't remember. haha

Should also note, I've never seen any of the BJD movies.

Ok, I should go to bed. Sorry I don't have something really profound.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Night One

I'm about to go to bed and complete "Night Two" but I had to write the following down...

Earlier today, I got sucked into my phone and nearly caught the food on the stove on fire.

A quesadilla to be exact. I mean I blackened it. Smoke filled the whole kitchen and adjoining rooms. I opened a window but zero wind meant no airflow. I put purification in the diffuser but still smoke was visible and smell-able.

Kids came home from school and one step into the house and they were whining about the smell. I couldn't smell it anymore. Coop began saying his stomach hurt and the smell was making it worse.

Side note: When I was a kid, I rode the bus. There would be times I would get on the bus and smell what I would describe as burnt french fries. It was awful but no one else could smell it. Every. single. time. I smelled that smell, I got sick that night or the next day. Every time.

So when he seemed uber sensitive to that smell... Made me wonder.

I took him to soccer but we ended up leaving early because of his stomach.

Got home and the two P's hit; poop and puke.

Got him in the tub with Epsom and lavender then straight to bed.

I was just on my way to bed but stopped to check if he had a fever. His body was really hot. Even the parts of him not covered were very warm.

I started praying and my favorite song came on his radio, "No Longer Slaves."

I sang it over him.

He got cool.

You read that right. His body was no longer hot. While I was holding his hand, him asleep, me singing... his body was no longer hot to the touch.

I can't stop smiling. Right before my eyes. Never had that happen before!

I'm gonna continue praying and continue battling the evil that wants to take him out.

Now on to Night Two and Day Two.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

One More Sleep

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!!!" Cried my almost 6 year old daughter about her daddy leaving on a mission trip for 10 days.

"Ummm, same thing we always do.. Try to take over the world." I replied laughing at myself but was the only person laughing because I was the only 30 plus aged person in my car that got my joke.

Lots have asked if I need help.

I have no idea.

When Matt has traveled in the past it has been for just a few nights. I would mentally prepare for the things that could go wrong. I have a disaster plan. The kids were younger, crazy and didn't sleep. They are older now so the disaster that could go wrong, I'm not sure.

As long as no one calls an audible, we should be good!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Three Sleeps

Three Sleeps.

Matt leaves for Kenya.

I am incredibly excited for him.

People have asked if I am ready.  I mean, how does one get ready to be single mom'ing it for 10 days? Not sure I can.

I am grateful this trip is during school. We will have our routine, the kids will be uber busy, I will be uber busy and I have no doubt the nights will be long but the days fast.

Matt has always wanted to go on an overseas mission trip. He loves his family so much it oozes from him but Jesus resides in him and he has felt a calling to go and serve.

Our church, First Baptist Jenks, has a family living in Kenya that we support. This is awesome because Matt and a group of people wanting to do good, won't just drop in and leave in 10 days. There is an established foundation of support for the people there.

Matt and the others will be doing some construction projects.

So yeah, three sleeps.