Friday, November 28, 2008
HOW DARE YOU!!
With our newly added cable channels, I have discovered the already discovered Food Network. I'm a huge fan of Charm City Cakes, but that is not why I am here.
I am here because of a show I saw recently.
It was so peculiar that I knew it had to be fake, a hoax or a commercial for something else.
It wasn't. I saw a real woman that looked like a robot! I kid you not people!
The show I saw, had a woman wearing a crossword puzzle apron, a crossword puzzle valance, a crossword puzzle table and I'm sure her under ware was a crossword puzzle.
Who am I talking about?
Sandra Lee. No not the lady from Grease. The lady on Food Network. If I watch her I don't hear a single word coming out of her mouth. I begin dissecting every single thing that matches, almost like the 'Can You Find It' puzzles in kids magazines.
I asked Matt, "Would you prefer I match the decor with my outfit while I'm cooking?"
"Ya, there's this lady on Food Network that matches her outfit with her kitchen. Do you need me to do that, so your food will taste better?"
I know he was thinking, "Is nakedness an option?" It wasn't though.
So if you're feeling guilty about not being matchy matchy, well you should feel guilty b/c Lord knows that's what makes dinner a dinner.
Now does anybody find Charm City Cakes one of the funniest shows? How about L.A. Ink? She makes me want to get a tattoo; for real.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
(clears throat while reaching for the gold statue of a mom still in her pajamas) (I'm imagining myself in my little black dress that I so elegantly wore in 2004. *sigh* Now is no more because my hips are no longer a size four. They feel like they are forty-four.)
"I'd like to thank my high school friend, Daniele, who always french braided my hair before EVERY softball game, for nominating me. I am humbled and thankful on this our weekend of Thanksgiving. *Clapping* Oh and my husband who still doesn't laugh at my jokes even though I think they are side stitching funny. Yes, babe I still heart you. My 2 dear dear, body destroying children. I love you so. Even though you keep me from the Y. You are still dear and near to my heart. And my God, for giving me this opportunity. Thank you Jesus. *kisses fingers and points to the sky as a tear rolls down face* AND to my fan (yes fan, singular) I thank you. *The lone fan claps and a tear rolls down her face* I would love to nominate 8, I mean 9, other people, hang on to your seats. In no particular order...
1. Nicole my sister in law
2. C, J, & B Moore
3. Amanda Mc
5. Cole's Mommy
6. My Life According to Me
7. The Housley's
8. Obscure As We Are
9. The Family Toots
*The music begins to play*I love you all, good night!! *The lone fan's legs are trembling from the fantastic acceptance speech and can't stand. The husband is still in his seat because he can't figure out if the winner, also his wife, was being serious or facetious. The 8 winners are no where to be found because only one person reads this blog*
"This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
I chose nine, I was never one to follow rules.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I have never been baptised.
This has been a concern, struggle, battle, worry, need, and cause for pray in my life in the past 6 years.
Reasons why I haven't? One, when I accepted Christ, I didn't know getting baptised was part of the 'commitment/statement.' Two, it has been so so long since I accepted Christ, I didn't want those whose lives I maybe changed or influence to question or doubt my love for God; I didn't/ don't want to look like a hypocrite. Three, I'm embarrassed. Four, I don't like cold water-despise it. God should have said, "If you are cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." Fifth, am I going to Hell if I DON'T do this? Is it a deal breaker? Sixth, excuse after excuse.
This topic has really been an issue, in a good way, for me for a long while. I feel this disconnect, this 'thing' that needs to be done. I often ask myself, "am I doing this for the check mark, or am I doing this for the kingdom?" Sometimes, most of the time, I think for both. I think, "It could get my family to church who still believes in the Episcopal way of 'sprinkling a baby.' I was sprinkled.
I remember that day. I was young, under 13. I didn't even know why I had to get my hair messed up. To this day, I still don't know why I had to get my hair messed up!! Trust me, I know it didn't do a thing for me and my relationship with Christ. I knew it was bogus the day it happened. I didn't know why it was bogus, but I knew it has to be.
I think it was when Matt had the opportunity to baptise the youngest boy in the house at the ranch. Caleb accepted Christ at Lifechurch.tv and got baptised at Frontier City during LifeStock. Matt got to dunk him. It was that day, I think, that I realized I had never done that. Then the inner-battle was on.
One of my sister-in-laws, was baptised a few years ago, then my nephew. All of the sudden, I became more embarrassed to 'do it, to take the plunge.' Why? Because I had accepted Christ BEFORE them and was going to get baptised AFTER them!! Doesn't that make me a hypocrite? Doesn't it just make everything I've been about become invalid?
Soooo, about 10 minutes ago, I signed up. I made myself do it. I have to pay attention to what I feel God is pushing me to do; otherwise I truly am a hypocrite. So I'm taking the plunge December 14th at 5:00pm cst.
The funeral of my friend has made me realize how much of a slacker I am in my spreading the Word. If I am going to make a difference I have to believe and preach ALL of the Bible, not just the part that is easy. The tough stuff and the right stuff, oh oh uohh oooohh oh oh uohh, oh oh uohh ooohh, THE RIGHT STUFF! (sorry, music is always playing in my head.)
Seriously though. I'm still very nervous about people watching me, especially if family comes. Which is usually impossible for Sunday events, but I just feel so weird.
But I do feel this is something that needs to be done. Something to draw me out of my practical atheism I, and most, am so guilty of.
Are you who you say you are?
I don't think I have been. But praise God, I still can be.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
When I don't want to spend as much money, I love Pei Wei or Pee Wee as Matt calls it.
We don't visit either establishment very often. Eating out isn't as much fun when you have to take the kiddos. We'd much rather get something to do, bring it home and eat at the table, where Cooper can crawl on the floor and Chloe can be crazy.
Saturday I attempted to put together my grocery list. I tell Matt, "Putting the grocery list together wears me out as much as the shopping."
I use Kraft's website to get a lot of ideas for dinners AND they have this snazzy feature where you can create a shopping list. It's very very nice; I recommend.
Anywho, I was thinking about what sounded good. Nothing.
Then I thought, "If I could eat out right now.. what would I choose?"
I'd choose Thai food, but that didn't count.
Got it!! I'd choose lettuce wraps from Chang's!!
I typed 'how do you make p. f. chang's lettuce wraps' in google search. BINGO!! I found the recipe. I printed it off and headed for the store.
I was a little nervous b/c it called for a lot of ingredients, but I was optimistic. (I did buy a frozen pizza as a back up meal in case the wraps went south.)
Tonight was the night to try my hand at the wraps.
How do you think I did? If you're a 'cup half full' kind of gal, then you think I did good. If you're a 'cup half empty' kind of gal, then you think I had pizza for dinner.
Well, my friends. I tamed the beast. I am capable of making P.F. Chang's wraps!!! They are very yummy and easy.
I don't like to dirty dishes when I cook, so I base my dinners on how dirty the kitchen will be when I'm done. If it will require a lot of clean-up; I won't cook it. If it is just a few items; I'll attempt it.
This recipe looked hard, but it was shockingly easy. Try it!!
Friday, November 21, 2008
All through high school, college and the early years of my marriage, I was a sun god. Loved it, loved it, loved it... needed it, needed it, needed it. I used the 'real' sun and the 'fake' sun, aka tanning beds.
A friend, who is a few years younger than I, told me she had been diagnosed with melanoma in the past and therefore has to have a skin check every 6 months. She has a long scar on her bicep from this experience.
After hearing her story, I decided I should have everything and everyone attached to me looked at.
Monday was my appointment. I get into the room, strip down, put on a paper gown and wait.
The Dr. comes in and looks me over, charts some areas and notices a freckle on the upper left side of my chest. She says, "Hmm, that makes me nervous."
She continues on her quest for ' free radicals.' I point out a few moles that bothered me, ones that I thought were worrisome. She goes back to the original spot, "Ya, that one is really bothering me." I can tell she is bothered by having to scar my body in order to remove the leach, but has a feeling something isn't right. I just kept thinking, "I am SO glad to be here." And I was serious. I was proud to be taking care of myself whether or not I receive bad news.
Where there is no plan, the people perish and I did not want to perish when I can be proactive.
She finally decides she needs to cut it out. She numbs it, cuts a circle the size of a pencil head and sews it up with 2 stitches. It didn't hurt a bit!
She tells me, "I will send this off to the lab and we will call you when we get the results. Once the results are in, we will make a plan and decide what needs to be done and how often you need to come in."
"OK." I get up, get dressed and head out. Slightly nervous because I'm not sure what the pathologist is going to say.
This morning, while I'm still in bed my phone vibrates. I clear my throat so I sound awake, "Hello?"
"Is Megan available?"
"This is she."
"Hi, Megan, it's Lisa from Dr. Anderson's office. We got the results back."
I begin to feel very nervous and jittery inside, like I felt when Matt and I were dating and he'd call.
"Well, the pathologist said 'it's extremely asymmetrical.'"
She goes on to explain that there are three levels and mine is the third.
"Sooo, is it melanoma?"
"No, if it was that they would have said, it's just extremely asymmetrical. So the doctor is going to need you to come back in and she is going to have to make a larger incision and remove a larger area so we can be sure it is all taken out just in case. It is possible it can turn into melanoma."
"OK, thank you."
I made an appointment, hung up the phone and just laid there in bed. Mainly b/c it was so cold in the house I didn't want to get out from underneath the blankets.
I haven't laid out or gone to a tanning bed in over three years and I am so thankful. I had been contemplating a tanning bed b/c I feel so pale, but I am so glad I listened to that gut feeling telling me to 'run away, don't pass go and do not collect $200.'
If you are a 'sun lover' like I used to be.... run away, don't pass go and do not collect $200. BUT do make an appointment to have your skin checked. See, the spots I thought were questionable, was NOT the spot that bothered her. It was one that looked fine to my naked eye, but to a trained eye, it was not good.
Get a skin check!!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The service was Sunday afternoon. Matt drove around town with the kids while I attended the service. I have been wanting to share what I learned during the funeral, but I am struggling with elegance in my approach to sharing; I can't find the words. So if this is choppy and contains many run-on sentences and possibly makes no sense at times, please try and open your heart to receive what I'm trying to say, not how I say it.
John, was a true Christian.
What do I mean? Well, everything he did represented the body of Christ to the 'nth' degree. Many stories were shared during the funeral of how John had impacted their life. The first young man, I say young he was college age, to speak, was from Turpin. He spoke of when he was a freshman and John was a senior. John was always nice to him. John would spend about 5 minutes just saying hi to this young man. The young man proceeded to say, "Now 5 minutes may me nothing to all of you, BUT what you don't know is that 5 minutes changed my life. John led me to Christ."
I lost it when those words came out of his mouth. Another guy got up there and said, "John, helped me re-dedicate my life to Christ."
As I sat there, tears rolling, I began to feel this nudge. Over the clanking dentures noise from man to my right, I was able to discern God's voice, "Megan do you get it now? Do you feel me pushing you?" It makes me tear up just thinking about it.
See my church, LifeChurch.tv, has been doing a series called Practical Atheist. Go to their website to see what it's about. I'd explain, but this would be too long of a post.
I've been asking myself lately, "Megan have you been a practical atheist?" I've been asking God, "God, am I guilty of this sin? God, I raised my hand to confess b/c I'm sure I'm guilty, but I don't know how."
So I'm sitting, listening and crying. "I HEAR YOU GOD! I GET IT NOW!! I'M GUILTY! I HAVE BEEN A PRACTICAL ATHEIST!!"
John had this unspoken way of challenging you as a Christian.
While sitting there, I could feel John and God challenging every single person sitting there. I felt this need to help pick up where John left off, but it was going to take every person in that church to make up for the loss of the one; John. It's going to take all 3 to 400 people to pick up where John left off.
I realized in that very moment- I am a slacker! I posted recently about needing a challenge. Well, I asked and God responded like clock work. The challenge was there right in front of me. I wasn't seeing it, so God slapped me with it. I felt like God got a lot of people's/ Christian's attention that day in Liberal, KS. "I heard you God."
I wanted to get up to the mic during the 'open mic' time and say, "Sarah just shared the verse, 'iron sharpens iron', and she was absolutely correct in that John did that to us all. I feel like even though John is not here, he is still challenging us to rise up, to step up. I don't know if you feel it, but I do. I know if John were here right now, he'd be hulled up somewhere reading his Bible or he'd be sharing God with someone. John changed a lot of lives in his short 30 years. Have you done and helped as many people as he? I know I haven't."
I left thinking of a sermon my brother-in-law shared. It was titled, "The Dash."
The whole premise behind it was, "What will be your dash?"
On your gravestone is a dash between your birth and death. People will remember what you did during that short 2-3 inches of life. My dash could end tomorrow. Will people file up to the pulpit and say, "Megan led me to Christ. Megan changed my life. Megan loved the Lord so much. Megan made me a better Christian. Megan is wearing a beautiful crown. Megan is (you fill in the blank with the praise of your choice.)"
Well, person after person filed one after another up on the stage to say those things about John. What a legacy he left. What a challenge.
If you die today, will your dash be filled with praise or just "she was a nice person." How will people define you?
This thought has been bouncing back and forth in my hollow brain since Sunday. It has shaken me to the core. So much, I just feel speechless. I feel unworthy, I feel guilty. I have a lot of work to do, if I am going to catch up to John and he was only a little over a year older than me. What a testament he was.
He will be missed. God did a good job creating him. I'm sorry you didn't get to meet him. If you had, your life would be different.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
This was the first time she had ever eaten an Oreo.
I drop the cookie on her tray and walk away. A few minutes later, she begins demanding another cookie.
Before getting her another, I notice the remnants of the first Oreo she ate.
I saw two black discs with nothing on them. (She had a mint Oreo, not the regular white cream-filled kind. The mint kind are green.)
I give her the second cookie... I watch. She does the most amazing thing.
How did she know to do that!!! I couldn't believe it. She has never been taught that technique. Neither Matt nor I eat our Oreo's that way.... the craziest thing. They must be born with that 'need' and 'knowledge.' Kind of like knowing how to nurse, poop and cry; a child is born knowing how to eat an Oreo.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I feel torn.
Today isn't helping. It started raining around 10:30am. I love the rain. It speaks of peace, reflection, cup of creamer and sitting on the recliner.
(I'm slowly attempting to add humor, bare/bear with me.)
I had some funny posts in my mind, but I feel slightly guilty posting them seeing how a friend of mine is gone.
So my hope is I will put this post up and it will kind of be like a 'go between' if you will, a transition of sorts, into 'Funny Megan.' I promise to return to my obnoxious, slightly annoying, soap box stealing, opinionated, reflective and funny state very soon.
That is if you found me funny before.
Friday, November 7, 2008
An hour later, I receive an email letting us know he had passed.
Let me tell you how I feel.
I hadn't spoken with John in quite some time. He would randomly cross my mind through out the past years. I would think, "I wonder how he's doing? I wonder where he is." I recently passed through an area of Tulsa where he once took a group of us to visit his church. I remembered the service, the feeling the church had. It was intimate, it was John.
The first time I met him, I can remember he had this 'thing.' Now I was a Christian, but I remember John had this 'special' bond with God. Whenever he spoke, you had better listen.
John was a singer.
I think this was where he and God found each other; music. I think John felt closer to God when he was in song. Boy could he sing.
He was filled with love.
If you ever said hi to John, he'd give you the biggest smile, a hug and ask you how you were doing-and he meant it. I never saw him in a bad mood.
So today, my group of college buddies mourn the loss of a follower of Christ, a friend, a brother, a son and an uncle.
As I took a shower I thought, "John is in the place that I believe he dreamt of. The places he visioned when he sang. The place he always wanted to be-by Christ worshipping him in song."
I now realize why John was so happy and joyous. As hard as it is to say, and it's easier for me b/c I'm not related, John is living the 'life' he always wanted; to be with Christ.
"Thank you God that through the tears of loss we are able to rejoice. Thank you for that promise."
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I pondered that question while trying to get the women at my table to chime in.
When I got married, I felt like my relationship with Christ changed or I let it become second to my new husband. Before Matt, I knew where I stood, I knew how to find Him.
It took some time and searching, but I finally returned to His feet as Megan Knox formerly known as Megan Pratt.
When we got booted so abruptly, from ranch. I felt like Christ abandoned me. I was unable to remove the knife He put in my back, so I felt, and the knife the director also so graciously inserted. I couldn't reach them on my own. I needed help removing them but, I didn't feel like Christ wanted to remove His knife or Todd's, the director.
I thought, for the LONGEST time, "God put the knife there for a reason. I HAVE to leave it and suffer my 'punishment.'" I felt like I need to punish myself for what happened, so I in turn inserted a knife into my heart and let my body become accustomed to it. "I had to, it's what I deserved."
That all happened in October 2004.
After leaving the ranch, we ended up in Tulsa, in a studio apartment around 400-500 sq. feet. I can remember Matt found a job doing home remodeling. It didn't pay well, but God paid us 'enough.'
I couldn't find comfort in Christ, I mean for crying out loud He betrayed me!! He abandoned me! He hated me! I hated myself! So I found comfort in obsessive running, shopping with a credit card and crying; crying and crying and crying.
It wasn't until October 2005, that I started letting myself be happy again-slowly and cautiously.
When I stand in front of the mirror after getting out of the shower, the scars still remain.
There is only one though.
The one I inflicted upon myself. The one I would not let anyone remove. The one God tried to remove, but I wouldn't let Him.
Daily, I doubted my Salvation. Daily, I doubted if I had truly accepted Christ as my Savior. Daily, I thought, "Did I do 'it' wrong? Did I not get 'fully' accepted b/c I didn't raise my hand? Is my name not written b/c I didn't tell my camp counselor? Does God not know me b/c I can't remember the exact date and time like everyone else?"
Laugh you may, but I thought those thoughts daily. And daily, I'd fall on my knees in the bathroom sooo I'm pretty sure my name is written about 1,000 times; everyday we were in Tulsa. So who's more accepted now?! HUH! (joke)
All of this 'reliving' is leading to a point, I promise.
Since having kids, I have felt the need for something more. The need to 'do' something important. (I know my kids are important, I'm not talking about that.)
I have this tugging at my heart to make a difference if you will. I'm trying to find what my "Kaleo" is. What is God calling me to do?
So sitting in MOPS that day, with that question bouncing back and forth in my hollow brain- I still have no answer.
I've been reading Pioneer Woman's blog. Her husband and two daughters are in the Dominican Republic on a mission with Compassion International. Reading their stories makes me feel antsy, like a racehorse waiting on the gates to fly open. I'm waiting on a race, one that gives me a sense of purpose. The purpose I felt while in college.
I wonder? (Makes me nervous to say this all b/c 'you ask, you shall receive.)
"Please God, start slowly and gentle."
Monday, November 3, 2008
"What did you just see?" He asks expecting me to say 'a car.'
"Guess! It's something you don't see everyday!"
"OK, ummm, a cow?!" (You people laugh, but wait.)
"CLOSE!!! A HORSE!!!"
"Ya, a horse, with a man on it."
"Yep, you're right. You don't see that everyday."
Yes, people. My friend, Rachel, came over to say 'hello.' As I was walking her out to her car we see a man on a horse kerpluncking down the street. (clip clop, clip clop)
I say to Rachel, "Well, you don't see that everyday."
She laughed, "No you don't."
"Does he not realize gas is below $2.00?"
He gets closer and I speak to him, "How ya doin'?" I say real country like hoping he'd better understand my twang.
"Atwoods." He says matter of factly.
"Ahh, Atwoods... Of course." I should have known, duh.
As he clip clops off into the non-sunset he yells, "Go to the Veterans parade!!"
I yell back, while only seeing the back of his horse, "Where is it!?"
"OK!! THANK YOU!!" I turn to go inside my tee-pee and he yells...
"It's at 10:30!"
As I lit a fire to signal Matt as to my adventure, I thought, "Hmm, maybe I will leave the hut with the children on Saturday when the shadows are on the lawn, and go see more horses. But more importantly, I can cheer and thank the local Veterans.