But I'm not sure where he'd go?
Monday, June 29, 2009
So I do. But it takes a minute. It's not really stage fright, it's just, I have to focus.
I check to make sure, just in case it was all in my head. I notice a big puddle and that is usually a sign of success. So I tell mom, "MOMMM, I PEE PEE'D!!" She replies with a laugh, I am still not sure why she was laughing, "Good job honey!"
Friday, June 26, 2009
I mentioned the name of the dr. I was going to see today (friday) and she said, He isn't a neurologist. I thought he was, but in fact she was right, he is an ortho guy. Ortho guys don't diagnose MS.
BUT he was able to calm me down. Here are some of the things he said, not in any order. You do not look like anyone who has MS and I have seen MS patients. You need to stay away from the computer. I was just in a room with a lady who said she needs to go to Florida for treatment and I told her if she really wants the best I can send her to a dr in Arizona not the doctor in Florida. She needs to stay off that computer, it's all horse(beep) anyways. Yea you are right. So my MRI film shows that my neck isn't really that bad. Ya, but sometimes it just takes a little. I have the feeling of a band being wrapped around my arm. Yes, that is something I have seen with people who have bad backs. Look, you can go searching and searching for an MS diagnosis and eventually you could find it if you find the right doctor. You say it enough, to enough dr.s and eventually you will find one THEN you'll be labeled forever with this. (Basically he was saying if I force it I will get a diagnosis that may not be right.) I would get a spinal tap and if it comes back clean, let it go. If in some years you have symptoms, then we can re-evaluate. We have your film so there will be something to compare to. Do you think I could get shots in my neck? Would that help? We can definitely try. I will order those. You don't strike me as the crazy type, so I don't think you're crazy. Now a patient I saw earlier, they were crazy. She came in here with this and that. No I'm NOT crazy I'm just tense. Ya, I can tell. The radiologist said there were 2 spots that could be from migraines, but didn't say it was MS. I was telling a friend that it seems one radiologist may read film one way and another radiologist may read it another. Let me tell you about radiologist. They put us dr's in a bind. They are bound by lawyers. They have to say EVERYTHING they see so they don't get sued. They can never give a definitive answer on anything. They sit behind their desk, drink coffee and just say ALL they see. It really hurts us trying to treat patients. I NEVER read a radiologists report before I look at the film first and come to my own conclusions.
He is betting his chips that everything is disc related.
I go to the neurologist in Sept. He'll be able to figure it all out. We'll see what happens, but in the meantime, I choose to believe him. I choose to believe I'm fine and just have a horrible back. I wanted to ask why swimming bothered me so much, but I forgot. I'm just guessing the twisting of my neck, but I don't know. That's probably a cop out.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I'm a thinker.
It's a quality that has its perks. But it is also a quality that can drive the man you are married to nuts. He says, "Megan, you worry too much." He's right. He's not a thinker. I realized that quality in him later in marriage, and I love it.
I wish I had that quality.
Sitting in the recliner, sick to my stomach. I can't decide, do I need to eat, was it the vitamins I took, is my thinking making me ache or all the above? I'm thinking all the above.
"Megan, you have got to stop!" I tell myself. So I find a little MP3 player my brother in law gave me with a preacher I like on it-Andrew Wommack.
I start to listen.
I turn it off.
I contemplate my next move.
I see my phone and grab headphones.
I scan through it.
I go to Andrew's sermons.
I keep scrolling right past him.
I can't listen.
I scroll some more.
I hit a Chris Tomlin song, I Will Rise. It's a doozy, especially with headphones. Most songs are better with headphones, the music goes straight to your head and heart, there's no room for it to get lost on the way.
I get to the chorus and the last verses, it's the climax of the song and there is an orchestra.
I'm a sucker for orchestras.
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
I cried today. I will probably cry again. I'm a thinker.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
On Monday, I had a really bad tingling moment. I thought I could swim but apparently I can not. So I was laid up in bed until my PT friend could come help me. I'll talk more about all that later. I go to the neuro on Friday and I will try to discuss the MS thing with him. I do not want it to be that, but it is looking more likely.
Anywhoo, here is Chloe in bed with me while I recovered. Before I got the phone out to tape her I had asked her to pray for mommy. She said, "Dear Geezus, Thank you fer mommy, Aaaamen." It was awesome. Matt said he heard her at the table talking and he said, "Chloe what are you saying." She said, "Pray for Cooper."
But the funny part is at the very end. The praying is sweet, but the reason for posting this is at the end.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
To honor my wonderful husband on this our day of honoring our earthly fathers, a tribute to my kids' earthly father.
Visions of bows, dresses & tutus, he knew were not that far away.
Then came the son, who was a surprise to us all. Cooper is his name & he shall bring love to them all.
One is a boy, one is a girl, no matter the sex, the results are the same.
Unconditional love to them both & this father, he will never be the same.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday we caught a bunch of fish. Friday, the fish were not biting as much. We managed to catch four, put them on a stringer and Matt said, "Keep an eye on those fish so the turtles don't get them."
I can remember Matt saying a while later, "Megan check those fish, it sounds like something is getting them." He could tell because they were thrashing around. I look, "Oh they're just up under the dock." I grab the stringer to pull them out and they don't. I sit there kind of watching them. Then all of the sudden they float out from under the dock and it was then I saw the devil.
Holy cow, did I have a cow. It was the most unbelievable sight I had ever seen. That snake was doing all it could to steal our fish! It took about a minute for it to finally let go and leave. I only filmed a few seconds because it kept looking at me with its wee beedy eyes.
So we spent the evening chasing off snakes and a few turtles. Still, it was a lot of fun.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Your wonderful son and I want to say thank you for taking Chloe...
We thank you for giving Matt the moment to catch this.
A crappie. And for giving me the moment to catch this.
A bass. And for giving us the moment to catch this.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Finally she did. My blood work looked good. The MRI showed two spots. The radiologist was pretty certain it wasn't MS, but from what I gathered he wasn't 100% certain. The radiologist thinks the spots could be from migraines. I do get headaches a lot, but I don't know that I've ever had a migraine.
So I googled, "White spots on MRI of brain."
Those spots could be three things, most likely. Could be from migraines, MS or just how the dye made my brain look. I just may have spots and that is all. BUT I had a brain scan back in 2005 with the dye so they should be able to see if those spots were there before. I don't remember anyone mentioning seeing them, so they could be new.
I'm not high-5ing or jumping up and down, not that I can jump up and down without my leg tingling, but if I could I'm not. I'm just in a hold flight pattern, just meandering around.
She is referring me to a neurologist here in town. She thinks I'll like him. I probably won't get to meet him for another couple of months though. Good times. Don't you like waiting a year to see a doctor about something that needs to be taken care of yesterday. I love that.
I guess continue to pray. I'm still a powerful woman because I have Christ, but even Christ got frustrated.
I'll be 90 once I get in to see the doctor, hopefully you guys will still be praying.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I'm not able to find the words to express what God is teaching me right now. I think when you are being taught and molded by God you become speechless until the teaching is done. I don't want to miss what God is saying. Lately he's been teaching me through others. Which is good because those messages are on the internet so I can hear God again and again! That's nice because I can pick up on what I missed the first time.
I will say this, there are two people's preaching that have changed my life.
Here is one. (it's 'the triumphant procession' andrew wommack)
Here is two. (francis chan)
I really am wordless. But I'll try, just know that my words will not express what I am really trying to say.
I realized I was giving satan all this power that he doesn't have. We all do it. We all give satan power. He's a loser, he has nothing unless we give it to him. I give it to him when I get scared I may have MS. He fed me a line and I took the bait and I didn't let go. Until I heard those two messages.
I heard the first one while grocery shopping. I have preaching my phone and I listen to music or preaching while I shop.
The second I heard at church. Oddly enough it wasn't a Craig sermon. "Do people see me as powerful? Is that the adjective they would use to describe you? Because you have such a confidence in your God because you are so sure of what he is able to do through you?" -Francis Chan
Those are the words that did it. A-Dub, from the first link, started the process of my evicting satan from my mind. Then Francis Chan stood in for Craig. Lifechuch.tv and thousands of other churches from across the world are teaming up for ONE PRAYER, so Francis was the first week. Next week is Jentezen Fraklin, good speaker.
Anyways, that is where I am. I'm not sure I can describe it except 'changed.'
satan, with a lowercase 's' not longer will be capitalized. he has no power here in these parts.
(I just hit spellcheck and it told me I need to capitalize satan. kind of funny)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Then there is the love of a good ol' tractor. This is Little Red- the tractor.
Disregard the stripes behind the tractor. That is my sister in law ensuring this tractor loving boy doesn't fall off.
Little Red was in Mounds on Tuesday. A lady named Geri Gilstrap is an author who is originally from Broken Arrow, but lives on a real farm here in Oklahoma, came to Mounds to read two of her books. Little Red is one character in her book and Big Green is the other. He was too large to bring to Mounds, so Geri told us.
Her books are based around scripture.
I bought the kids her first book, Big Green and Little Red. It teaches that just because you are different you are still important and you have a purpose. The other book is Little Red Learns to Obey. I think it's message is obvious with the title.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
She wrote everything down then leaned back in her chair and asked if I had been tested for anything. "Ya, I was tested for MS but that came back as all clear."
She explained how I needed an MRI of the full spine yada yada yada. Lots of medical stuff that is boring.
I asked her what made my symptoms so alarming to her and others I have talked to, why did they always think MS and not just a bad back? She said because of my age, I'm the perfect age to have MS, because there was no trauma AND because the fact that when I tilt my head forward my leg and hand tingles. That is a symptom of MS.
So I'm thinking in order to have complete peace of mind I might seek out the whole shabang and go through the whole rigamarow just to make sure.
If I think about it and lay it all out there, it all makes sense. Well, it all makes sense to go either way; MS or just a bad back.
So that is where I am, I am going to get tested. It probably will not be in the immediate future seeing as how most doctors are full for months. So we'll see...