Soldier On

Soldier On

I'm gonna be really real. Generally speaking, im real but I do tend to watch what I say so I don't sound negative or pursuade folk in a direction.

Here it is...

Since getting our most recent placement, life has been hard. 

He is a tough kid from a hard place & it shows, daily, minute by minute.

The real-ness is when I tell you I wanted him to just go back. NOT to the troubles that landed him in foster care but to someone else's home. I wanted my kids to not have to worry about him bothering them anymore. I wanted Matt to not worry about him throwing fits anymore. I want to not worry about him screaming at me anymore. I want to sit and be still. I want to drive and not hear the amount of bickering in the backseat that sends a sane person insane & want to jump from the car...while it is moving!

It has been a hard, gosh I don't even know how long, three weeks.

THEN, once I'm done whining, my Spirit says, "Soldier On." My flesh argues. I am weak. I am mentally done. His deliberate disobedience is so incredibly hard not to personalize. 

"Soldier On. If Paul did his ministry with his thorn then so can you."

Am I calling our friend a thorn? Yes, sometimes he is. Lots of the time he is. Most of the time he is BUT that doesn't change our mission. 

It didn't change it for Paul, in fact I would argue it made him better. 

"Soldier On."

This fostering isn't easy at. all. It is a calling. It is our calling. We didn't do this bc of a message at church or bc of an event. It wasn't like going to a concert and leaving with a Compassion Child. 

I would have quit tonight had this been some quick decision. If this wasn't literally, told to me that we must do this. I would have quit. "The thorn is too much today." Then I would return back to my four kids, carried on about our life and planned some absurd vacation. 

"Soldier On."

Paul had a mission. He was called. It wasn't a warm fuzzy feeling. Warm fuzzies get cold after a while. This was in him to do. It was in Him to grow believers, to teach them, to deal with super apostles, to bridge the gap in the churches he started. 

"Soldier On."

So when you ask me how I'm doing, I really do not know how to answer you. Part of me wants to sit in my closet with mindless books, Netflix, Hulu & Amazon Instant(for variety) and never come out. Part of me wants to say, "I'm over it."

But the part of me that has been called says, "Soldier on bc he is worth it."

Splagchnizomai

(This graphic is for the first time Craig did this series. Click on it to watch last weeks message. I recommend.)

(splangkh-nid'-zom-ahee); to have the bowels yearn, feel deep sympathy, to be moved to action.

This is the true definition of the word compassion.

Have you ever really pondered this word.

I've thought about it, but not using the definitions from the Hebrew word, splagchnizomai.

Craig is doing the series, Kaleo. (kal-eh'-o); to "call", bid, call (forth)

The title this week, "Called To Care"

What are you truly passionate about? I often think about that. There are things I love giving to, you know, certain organizations, but my bowels don't yearn. I have been moved to action and felt deep sympathy, but never a reactive bowel. I say that slightly jokingly, but with some seriousness.

Craig told a story.

On his way home from work, driving down a country road, in the middle of no where. There was a woman standing on the side of the intersection he was approaching. He thought, "I should stop, but I'm late for dinner. I should stop, but Amy is going to want me home now. I should stop, but ..."

He didn't stop. He says, "To this day I am haunted by the fact that I didn't stop."

As Christians, we are called to care!!

Craig goes on to tell the story in Luke 10:30-32. You know the man who was robbed and the preacher passed him by.

On my way out of church, I was going to grab some LifePacks (I'll explain those tomorrow and show you an opportunity to act.) to fill for children needing shoes, but I decided to wait until Matt and I got the kids out of LifeKids.

Once I got back downstairs, all of the LifePacks were gone!! I teared up. I felt like I just passed the old lady in the intersection. I said, "Oh, there will be some when I get back. Oh, I don't want to wait in line." I walked out of the sermon and did the EXACT SAME THING!! Can you believe it!? Satan got me before the doors opened!!

I should have known a sermon on 'being called to care,' would spur every one's little caring hearts.

Question: Was there a time you know you should have acted to help someone, but didn't?

You Ask, He'll Speak

The Scene: Silence. Chloe and Cooper are napping. The smell of Folgers Gourmet coffee fills the air. (Pretty soon Starbucks will fill the air b/c their new location here in B'ville just opened. Although McD's coffee is mighty tasty, but I prefer coffee with my creamer.)

I begin to say a little prayer.

"Hey God, I haven't heard a lot from you lately. Ya, I know it's my fault, I've been lazy and into my blogging. Sooo, I'd like to hear from you today, but please be gentle."

I open up my Bible and read a little in Psalms before Cooper started hollering because his leg is stuck again in the crib slats. (We had to remove the bumper because he rolls to his belly now and I'm scared he'll get stuck against it.)

Matt calls and asks me to get all the account numbers on our loan application. (For our move.) He says he'll be home around 4 to take it to the people.

4:15pm and he gets the paper work and heads off. I can see the excitement in his eyes. I am the pessimist in this marriage, so I don't get excited until I see results. I haven't even really looked at 'For Sale' homes because I'm getting ready for not good news.

5:15pm and he's back with paper work in hand and he looks peeved.

"What happened?"
"They require 5% down with all applications. I told them 'thank you very much, but I'll not waste anymore of your time because we don't have that kind of money on hand.' I said it in a nicer tone though." He tells me while emptying his pockets.
"OK, that's fine. We'll just stay here for a while no biggy. But did you ask about the money we could possibly make from the sale of our house?"
"No...." he goes on with more but I'll spare you.

So God spoke yesterday. We aren't to move at this moment. When Matt said no, I felt an odd sense of relief and I kind of laughed inside because I knew at that moment God was being gentle and I thought, "I don't have to work my butt off trying to get this house ready." (Although I have a lot of butt I could spare.) I told Matt about asking God to tell me something today...

"Huh, well, you're right. We've been praying that all would work itself out and this didn't so we'll shop around and just see and wait."
"Yep."

The reality of it is because people all over the U.S bought too much home with out too much money, I have to suffer the consequences. It's too bad people ruined it for those of us who pay our mortgages and bought a house we could afford. Oh well right?

The point of this wasn't to be all 'boo hoo woe is me.' It was just to tell you how cool it was that I asked God to reveal himself to me today and He did... and he was gentle.