Who's Who

I do my best thinking in a few places. One happens to be the shower. I have solved ALLLL the world's problems while lathering and repeating and shaving my armpits.

A few days ago, the choo choo train of thoughts in my head, while showering, were moving at lightning speed. I can't remember how I arrived at this destination but one part was thinking about a friend I graduated with.

He and his wife are in the pits of adoption. It is rarely as glamorous as the world makes it out to be. It is hard and it is tiring. I was feeling really proud of them. Thinking how they have been married since high school, have jobs, making a life for themselves. I laughed because he was not quite like that in school. He truly loves the Lord now and it is wonderful to 'see.'

Then my thoughts went to another friend I graduated with. He has been working hard for well over a year to prep land and build a house for his little family. Due to the economy, he recently lost his job but has spent time training his young son in the ways of farming, building and just bonding.

Both of these men were not voted "Most Likely To Succeed."

Those that are generally voted are the ones everyone thinks will go on to be doctors, lawyers... Jobs that pay a lot.

Why is success measured by the dollar amount on a paycheck?

A girl in my class, she spent some time as a single mom, fighting to raise her children. She married someone and they have a son together. She is a happy, thriving, wife and mom.

All three of these people are successful. No, they aren't doctors, lawyers or surgeons. They are people who despite the dollar amount on their checks are winning at this life thing.

I stay home with four kids. I have an expensive piece of paper telling me I graduated from college.

Am I less successful because I'm at home wiping asses and cooking dinners?

Nope.

Are the doctors and lawyers more successful?

Nope.

We all are successes from our class. (I mean some probably aren't. Im talking about everyone NOT in prison or jail.)

Some, the paths are a little rough and it took more time to find the right one, but you did it!

When my kids grow up and graduate from high school and this Who's Who thing is still around, if they don't make it, it doesn't matter. My prayer isn't for a really cool slot in the yearbook but for them to have a lasting impression on the world. I want them to do what Christ called them to do. To make the best of their journey. To try.

So here is to all of us that didn't get named Who's Who when we graduated.

You ALL are awesome in my yearbook called LIFE.

An Attack The Size of a Kidney Stone

I'm not sure how you feel about spiritual warfare but I am a firm believer.

If you are a follower of Christ, there will be attacks at least there should be! They don't have to be big as the devil works in the big and small things.

Good Friday our friend left.

Easter Sunday I spent in watching my incredibly tough husband writher in pain from a kidney stone. So we booked a night at St. Francis so he could get the thing blasted and taken out because it was too big to pass. Not a night at the Hilton but he was fine, the kids were fine, I was fine so ulitmatley everything was going to be fine.

It was an attack. A blatant attack on my family. A 'kick you in the crotch spit on your neck fantastic' attack.

Even as type this my youngest two who normally are pretty chill while we wait for the big kids after school, are currenlty freaking out.

It is an attack. No harm done but it is still an attack.

I'm grateful this happened after our friend left. I see that as protection, a blessing.

So now what?

Matt is on the mend. While we were in the hospital, someone joked about they heard of an angel that is good at rolling stones away. We had a good chuckle at that it being Easter and all.

We plan to take a few weeks off of fostering to now let Matt heal, do some things as a family and just be still for a moment.

Purpose

I've had people imply that we will take time to evaluate if we want to venture down this path again now that we know the end result and the pain it brings...

Let me take this back a few steps to give some insight.

The reason we are doing this is because we were told to. The Holy Spirit was very clear to me.

Since the whole reason is for Christ and He told us to do this then we will obey.

I have no doubt that if after Christ rose from the grave and someone, maybe Peter had asked Him, "So knowing now what you know now... Would you do it all again?"

I'm sure Jesus would have said with a smile, "But of course! My Father asked and I will obey. My Father has great plans for me and you. I must obey because my obedience changes the world. So absolutely I would do it again, because beyond the pain, beyond the stares and the whispers, beyond the darkness awaits beauty, awaits Heaven. If I don't obey, I miss out on the Promise and so do YOU!"

My heart is hurting big time. One of my children is incredibly sad. Another is hiding it. Two others don't understand.

But yes, yes we will do this again. This wasn't a trial run. It wasn't practice to see if we enjoyed it!

We will take time just the six of us to recover. Our definition of normal NOW is what most find strange and what most find normal we can't live in that zone of life anymore. Normal for us is weird to the world. I look at your normal and find it weird.

So we will use this time between the race we just ran to recover, to cross train, to refocus.

It's a race friends. Run it with PURPOSE!

My Cross

"Take up your cross... Daily."

The words my very wise Bible Study leader shared with me when I told her we had a foster child.

Her teaching was huge in our decision to even begin this journey. Christ really spoke to me through His Word via her.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. The day my Jesus carried His cross and later that day gave up his life on it, for me. For our friend. For you. 

Tomorrow on Good Friday, I will rise out of bed, put on my pajama pants, my socks, brush my teeth, put in my contacts and grab my cross. 

I will take three kids to school but only two will come home to eat dinner with us.

Matt and I will pray over our friend and then  we watch him leave. 

My heart hurts but that is the burden of the cross and my burden is nothing compared to what Christ did on His that very Good Friday.

The great thing about daily carrying your cross is it changes you. It is heavy so you become strong. It is splintery so you grow in persistence. The splinters serve as a painful reminder. They add to our beauty. 

My whole family has been forever changed by one nine year old boy. 

Everyone says we helped him but in all fairness to what he brought to the table, he helped us. 

We grew. We learned. We listened. We obeyed. We are closer. 

So this weekend, as you don your fancy Easter outfit, fancy jewelry and eat a nice lunch. Don't leave your cross at home. 

Grab it, carry it, let it change you. The pain of following Christ and his calling hurts but oh what a joy it has been. What a celebration it was in Heaven three days later when the stone was rolled away. 

Don't miss out on His goodness, His mercy because you won't carry your cross. 

Surrender your fears, your hesitation, your comfort.

I promise He shows up.

The Hurt

"I could never do foster care because it would be so hard when they leave."

That is what I hear a lot.

I was told today that our friend could leave this weekend which is a few days away. My heart is hurting. My heart is wishing we had more time. More time to teach him about Jesus, more time for Matt to hug him, more time for him to hug me, more time for him to learn to read, more time...

But we don't have more time. We have lesss time than I thought we would have.

Yes, my heart is going to hurt when he leaves us. My kids will miss him. Matt will miss him. My house will feel less full and it will be hard BUT this isnt about me or Matt or the kids.

This is fully and wholly about Christ. So for Christ, I will pack his bags, hopefully give him a hug, pray over him and watch him leave.

So yes, I, Megan Knox, could never do foster care because it would be so hard when they leave but Christ has told us to do this and this we will do. We will allow the hurt to grow us, to change us, to make us better.

Really the rest of you are missing out.

Happy Birthday

Today is our friend's birthday.

Most kids begin counting down to their birthday from the day they have their birthday.

He didn't know.

As soon as Cooper woke up, the first words out of his mouth were a groggy, "Happy birthday, (said his name)."

He didn't even react. I don't think he knew how to react.

My MIL came by today with his present. It was fun to watch him open it, to see him smile.

The biggest smile came when he saw the rice bag she made him.

Then all 5 kids and myself loaded up and headed to Sky Zone...

Five red, sweaty faces completely worn out is my idea of a successful morning.

Tonight, Matt comes home, we will let our friend pick dinner (my bet is on pizza), we will have ice cream and he will get his present from us; Legos, clothes, hot wheels.

He came with nothing.

He will leave with Jesus seeds in his heart and a box full of love.

One Month

It's been a month since our lives got flipped turned upside down...

It's been a month of feeling we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing.

It's been a month of constant teeth grinding... on my part.

It's been a month of not watching TV at night but reading books.

It's been a month of adjusting.

It's been a month.

It's been a month of watching a broken child grow.

It's been a month of watching a child who had no idea what church was like, what a Bible was or what praying sounded like, hearing him memorize Scripture.

It's been a month of humility.

It's been a month of sacrifice.

It's been a month of knowing my children will forever be changed.

It's been a month of knowing Matt and I will forever be changed.

It's been a month of feeling Christ closer than ever.

It's been a month of Grace.

It's been a month of unknown.

It's been a month of planting seeds.

It's been a month of Hope.