Do I Make Sense?

I'm still reading through 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan. I'm reading at a snail's pace, but I'm reading. I kind of move at a snail's pace anymore, unless I am chasing Chloe & Coop. God gives me a swift kick so I can catch up with 'em.

Something is wrong when our lives make sense to the unbelievers.

I read that over and over, for probably five minutes. It's lines like these that have prevented me from finishing this book. He says these things and I have to stop and bathe in it for a few days.

My fingers are pruned, I'm out of the bath and ready to tell you what I think.

When I got my diagnosis, I made a confession to Matt.

I often have wondered what it would take for my family to 'get it,' to become Christians. With my Dad, he just argues and thinks because he feeds the homeless he will go to Heaven. My mom is so wrapped up in my sisters chaotic life she can hardly think about anything but work and sleep. My sister is so wrapped up in her chaotic life to see the big picture; life is passing her by.

So I wondered, "What it would take?"

I hear stories of parents losing children and how people came to Christ. I told God, "I can't walk that road." I'm sure no one can and I know no one wants to.

Then I got my diagnosis. "Maybe this is what it will take?"

I want the way I handle this to not make sense to them; my family. I want this to barely make sense to believers. I want the believers and non, to see my attitude and be taken back.

So does your life make sense to the non-believers?

Bring The Rain

MercyMe "Bring The Rain"

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

I sang this song a number of months ago, when the song was released.

I sang it as a prayer; and I meant it.

I meant it from the bottom of my heart.

You ask, you shall receive.

"I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you... Jesus, bring the rain."

"Jesus, I praise you for the rain and I WILL praise you.... while dancing in it."

Where's Chloe?

Chloe usually fights taking a nap. Hence the reason she lives in a gated community.

Every once in a while she will fall asleep where ever she lands.

Enter Exhibit A: August 16, 2009


Exhibit B, June 24, 2009


Exhibit C, August 5, 2009 during nap time.


And last but not least, exhibit D, June 6, 2009.


Eventually she will learn, naps are good.

All I Need

Lately, I've been learning that Christ is all I need. Prior to August 4, 2009, I knew Christ was all I needed, but I was guilty of letting my kids, husband, sleep, life and many other things get in the way of our relationship.

Many times, I'd succumb to sleep or to the computer and would forego my 'Jesus time' I so desperately need every day.

Below is a clip from one of my favorite movies... You have to watch it before you continue.
It's from 'The Jerk' staring Steve Martin.




I don't need a paddle game, a chair, matches, a magazine, a lamp, an ash tray nor a remote control.

God is All I need.

Healing? For Me?

Last night, I broke. I began to cry for the dreams that seem shattered. I'll spare you the depressing details, but I cried and I cried hard.

At church, a staff member told me her friend was just healed of MS!! That was so exciting.

But as I lay in bed last night, I wondered, "Could I be healed?"

I know God can heal, and I've seen him heal others; but I don't know if He can or wants to heal me. (So dumb but I'm being honest with you; brutally honest.)

I called a friend this morning. She referred me to Mark 9.
21 Jesus asked the boy's father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered.
22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23 ” ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
24 Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

So today, I have been exclaiming the same words the father said to Jesus. "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I decided to look for any verses that referenced being tested. I ended up at Job, of all places. I went to Job 23 and began reading Job's words. (I'm not putting them here b/c it's long.) "That's how I feel buddy!" Is what I thought.

Then I got to the verse I initially was looking for Job 23:10
10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

"Yes!"

I flipped pages until I got to what the Lord had to say, I wanted to know his reply to Job. I'll give you a snippet.

1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?

3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.

5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,

9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,

11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?

14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?

17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?

20 Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!

"Lord, forgive me for my unbelief."

River Is Rising

Michael W. Smith has a song titled 'River Is Rising.' It's MWS and a choir and a fast beat...

I feel it, I feel It, I feel It
In my bones and I just don't think I can hold it anymore

The river is rising flowing out of me
And I'm coming alive, I'm coming alive

I'm gonna dance and sing and move my feet,
cause the river is rising, flowing out of me

Got to let the world know take it to the streets
Got to dance and sing and add a shout of praise!

Hallelujah the river is rising

This is how I've been feeling lately. I feel it in my bones. I feel like God has a humungo plan for all of this; I know it. Almost like a kid on Christmas morning, that anticipation they feel, that antsy-ness, that excitement because they don't know what 'gift' they are going to find under the tree.

I don't know what 'gift' I am going to find at the feet of Christ. I know it's good. I can feel it.

I want to take this 'curse' and see it as a blessing! I want to grab it with both hands, hold it in front of me and see what happens.

You know in the movie 'Field of Dream' where James Earl Jones KNOWS people will come and he has this vision of all that is going to happen? I feel like James Earl Jones. I doubt people will show up at my house, pay $20 to see me.... but his passion about his vision is how I feel. James knew it and I know it. (That's the best part of the movie.. gives me chills.)

I prayed a while back for a purpose. And it seems I got my answer. I now have a mission field as long as it's cool outside! haha

Keep On Rolling

Life after the diagnosis...

When we rolled into the ER, Matt and I just laughed. I said, "It's like God is saying, 'Guys, life is still going on. Are you going to join us?'"