Last night, I broke. I began to cry for the dreams that seem shattered. I'll spare you the depressing details, but I cried and I cried hard.
At church, a staff member told me her friend was just healed of MS!! That was so exciting.
But as I lay in bed last night, I wondered, "Could I be healed?"
I know God can heal, and I've seen him heal others; but I don't know if He can or wants to heal me. (So dumb but I'm being honest with you; brutally honest.)
I called a friend this morning. She referred me to Mark 9.
21 Jesus asked the boy's father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered.
22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23 ” ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
24 Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
So today, I have been exclaiming the same words the father said to Jesus. "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
I decided to look for any verses that referenced being tested. I ended up at Job, of all places. I went to Job 23 and began reading Job's words. (I'm not putting them here b/c it's long.) "That's how I feel buddy!" Is what I thought.
Then I got to the verse I initially was looking for Job 23:10
10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
I flipped pages until I got to what the Lord had to say, I wanted to know his reply to Job. I'll give you a snippet.
1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!
"Lord, forgive me for my unbelief."