Job

I often look at the sky and am so overwhelmed with amazement, I don't want to stop looking. I want to soak it in, the colors, the smells, the aliveness it has as the sun is setting. I stop for a moment, but a moment doesn't seem long enough. I want to stand there forever, letting the world pass me by, as they miss out on the 'show' put on by the Artist.

I often look at the sky during a storm. The lightening bolts go to and fro. They have a mission, they've been told where to go. I listen to the rumble of the thunder, sometimes I feel it in my heart and my feet. I smell the air, it has a taste, a taste that always precedes the rain. I want to capture it all and save the images, feelings and the smell forever. I listen to the Concertmaster entertain us with His sounds, I listen for His voice.

But it's the times when there is no sunset and no scent of rain, that I stumble the most.

I often count years.

How will I be in 5.
How will I be in 10.
How will I be in 15.
How will I be when my kids have kids.
How will I be when.....

I stand in awe of His wonders, but I put a wall up around me.

I see His artistry and yet I feel like He can't fix me.

I see my MS and say, "He can't. It's beyond His reach."

I ask myself everyday, "He can, but will you let Him?"

When I find that these thoughts are taking hold, I run to Job 38-42.

Here's a few of the many verses where God talks to Job in chapter 38..

24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?

25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm,

26 to water a land where no man lives, a desert with no one in it,

27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass?

28 Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew?

29 From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens

30 when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen?

Golden Ticket to Pad Buying

Took the kids to walmart the other day. That's what you do in a small town; go to walmart. If we lived in a semi bigger town, we'd stroll target, but B'ville hasn't come into the 21st century.

I digress.

I needed some face soap, so we walk over to the cosmetic section. Cooper is in the cart diligently working to buckle himself and Chloe is meandering her way behind me, saying hi to literally every single person we pass and if they stop, she begins telling her life story and showing her bug bites.

A cute couple with a car seat in their cart walked by, heading towards the checkout stand. He was pushing and she had her arm hooked through his, they weren't moving very fast.

The curious person in me looked at the contents of their shopping cart. It contained one item and one item only.

There's only one reason a cute petite girl like herself would have a huge bag of these in her cart.

(glancing in car seat)

Brand new baby!

Inside I giggle.

I can remember a time when having to go to the store to buy feminine products was like having a near death experience. I'd buy the tampons and attempt to mask the box with a box of muffins, or brownies or something from the food section. Or I'd buy a magazine, lay the box on it's front and put the magazine over the top of the box. Walking through the store, I'd carry them under my armpit, where it probably looked as if I was gonna smuggle the things out. And if it weren't illegal to steal tampons, I probably would have.

Then I got older, college age, and it's still an awkward moment at the store, but not as bad as high school.

In college, little did I know there's a rite-of-passage that happens for most women. It's this feat that gives a woman full range of conversation with other women; no holds barred. It's the 'walking on smoldering ashes' moment, the killing a bear with your bare hands....

... having a baby.

Once the baby is born all topics are fair game. Women talk about bowel movements of themselves and that of their new child. Boobs, cracked and non cracked. Stitches, tearing, cutting, pain meds, no pain meds etc.

It's then that going to the store to buy pads, and the biggest most absorbent pads you can find, isn't a big deal! I mean, you've conquered the world! You've got your golden ticket. The world will see those pads on the conveyor belt and a little piece of them will say, "Oooohhh," while nodding their head in understanding.

There's one thing you have to keep in mind.

Remember to bring your golden ticket.

The baby.

Otherwise you're just some girl buying really bulky pads.

Wordless Wednesday

Non Wordless Wednesday

Most Wednesdays I partake in "Wordless Wednesday," but I can't today. I have a good reason.

This little girl is four today!!

I know everyone wonders what their child will be one day & I'm no different.

But more than wondering what she'll be, I wonder who she'll be.

Will she be the girl that loves the Lord so much, Matt and I look at ourselves and say, "Where did she learn such passion?"

Will she love people? I think this will be the case. She is very good about saying hi, asking a name and wondering about the person. She has a tender heart.

Will she be a bug specialist? As of now, it's looking likely. She truly believes every bug placed in her path was put there by the Lord. She's right I guess, but where she learned that I have not a clue.

I hope she becomes a woman that knows who she is in Christ and that light shines brightly to all that meet her. Now it's up to Matt and I to make sure that light always stays lit.

Today

August 4, 2006, one week before I gave birth to our first child, Chloe Joy.

On August 4th, 2007, we learned we were pregnant with our second.

The day I was told, "You have MS," was August 4, 2009.

So today's the day.

But you know what?

Life is good.

A Picture Will Do It

A few days ago, I wrote about "Fingerprints."

Well, right after I posted that, I wrote this one.

The morning Cooper and Chloe decided to swim in their milk, I had a doctor's appointment.

We pick up Matt on the way.

Once at the doctor, we go into 'the big room.' A friendly gal greets us, "Hi, I'm so&so, I'm an Ultrasound student. If I may, can I take a look?"

"SURE! While you are looking, the lady downstairs, wasn't really sure on the baby's gender because the cord was in the way. So if you can, would you look?"

"Sure!"

The baby, of course, doesn't want to cooperate. After a few minutes, the shot we were waiting for, crotch shot.

Girl!

She took a picture of 'her' and to be honest, I can't tell. I'm just taking her word for it. With Chloe we had a crystal clear picture of the '3 lines.'

But I'm not letting that deter me from buying pink things starting now.

On the way home, I began thinking ahead to when this baby is born. I went back to when the kids were born.

My heart got happy.

It was then I felt bad for my reaction to the swimming pool of milk that had been created this morning, or the blood curling screams or the attitude Chloe gave me.

I am happy & school will start soon.

Fingerprints

It wasn't the fact they were playing together. It wasn't the fact that they were being loud.

It was the fact that his scream leaves me deaf for a few minutes.

It wasn't the fact that he spilled his milk.

It was the fact that he intentionally spilled it in order to play in it.

It was the fact that Chloe, knowing better, played it in with him.

I had a rough morning, and it wasn't even 10:30 yet. We had only been out of bed 1 point 5 hours.

I got an email yesterday informing me the kids' school will likely not start until September.

In that same email, I was also informed the nap mats that I had made, were destroyed, gone forever. I was told, "You should purchase another for Cooper, Chloe will not be taking a nap."

I paid around $70 for both, not counting the fabric I bought for Chloe's.

Matt is working like a dog, a d-o-g. He works like a dog and drives 2 hours total to and from work.

Church a few weeks ago, Craig told a story a friend of his had shared.

"I used to get so mad when the kids would get fingerprints all over the window. Now..... I'd give anything to have those little fingerprints all over my window again."

That story has been bouncing back in forth in my brain and heart.

It's been a rough month. I didn't realize just how much I need the kids to go to school. I didn't realize how much they love it!

I am doing my best to be thankful for these times.

My mother in law always says, "Megan, this to shall pass." When she tells me this, it's like nails on a chalk board, I just want to say, "Well, how bout I bring em over til it does."

Hahaha

I'm thankful.
I am really thankful.

Now I have to go clean up the milk.