My Story (Repost)

Since it is MS Awareness Week, I thought I would share my story on how I got diagnosed. Some might already know my story, but some might not. It's a repost, so enjoy!

I was thinking, some of you may not know the 'whole' story leading me up to today. So here it goes....

In the fall of 2004, Matt and I were working at a boy's ranch. We lived out in the country, which we loved, but living in the country comes with issues; allergies. I suffered from them terribly, so I made an appointment with my primary doctor in Tulsa. He gives me an allergy shot. I off handedly mentioned when I tilted my head forward, the tips of my toes tingled. He did a few in office tests testing my range of motion. All was fine. He was baffled, so he sent me to have an MRI of my neck, thinking something was going on with my neck. Makes sense.

Results came back and nothing was wrong. I let it go, I was still able to run like a wild woman, so I didn't worry about it.

Summer of 2005, we were living in Claremore. If you have ever been to Claremore, they have a lovely running trail along their 'lake.' It's so nice. I did what any runner would do, I became obsessed with running... so I ran and ran and ran. (why I ran so much is another story)

One day, I took off running. I got 20 feet and Bam! my legs were completely numb and tingly from the hips down. I stopped for a minute, took a few deep breaths, and attempted it again. Nope, it wasn't happening. I took a few days off, thinking I had just over done it.

A few days later, I try again. Negative. It wasn't happening.

I make an appointment with a doctor who sends me to have another MRI. Nothing really wrong. I get sent to a 'pain specialist.' I get epidural injections. They don't work. I see a neurosurgeon. He sends me to have more MRI's. This time he does a contrast of my brain. The contrast showed no MS. It shows a cyst in my neck. No big deal, so I'm told.

Soooo, I had spent $6,000 plus and didn't get a single answer, well I take that back I was told 'no MS.' The neurosurgeon referred me to a shrink. Ya, I didn't pay his bill. I am no longer allowed to see him as a patient. "Good riddens" I say.

In October of 2005, Matt and I go to Minnesota. He had to attend a five week training and I went along. When we got back from the Golden State, we were going to live in Bartlesville. So we packed everything into storage and headed up north. Eh. (that's northern talk)

While in MN, things started to get better. I joined the local Y, began water aerobics with the local senior citizens, fished with a local senior gentleman and things were good.

After five weeks of northern life, which we loved, we headed back south.

On November 6th(ish), of 2005, we moved into our tiny, overpriced apartment and life was good. I began running again and things seemed normal.

A few weeks later, we learned I was pregnant. We had our daughter August of 2006, life was good.

A few months after her birth, I ran off and on, without any problems. So I started running more often. I was thrilled, never thought much about what had happened in the past. I chalked it up to over exercise.

August 2007, we were prego again! Surprise! On April 3, 2008, our son was born. I ran a few times after his birth and again, no problems.

January 2009. I hop out of my car, jog into Wal-Mart to beat the chill in the air. I hit the doors and that all to familiar feeling hit me. My right leg was tingling. "Hmm, that's strange." I rested a minute and it went away.

I waited a few months. By March, it hadn't left, so I went to a chiropractor. I thought, "Oh my back is messed up." The chiro. mentioned MS. I said, "Oh I've been tested, I came back clean."
She said, "Ya, but it can come and go."

I didn't know that. I made an appointment with an ortho. I was still in denial. He sent me to have another MRI of my neck and lower back.

I still had the cyst, but it was the same size. I had some messed up discs, so off I went to a physical therapist.

June.

I'm in the therapists office, doing an evaluation. I tell her the story starting in January. She says, "Have you been tested for MS?"

I tell her that I had and I was clean. She mentions that I need a spinal tap to be for certain.

I was angry. I thought she stepped over a line when she said those things. I wanted to be treated for a bad back!

After much thought and prayer, I realize I should make sure. I had read some things about MS and my symptoms followed along some of the lines. No symptoms during pregnancy, tingling leg, arm and I was tired.

Sooo began another journey. I went to my primary here, told her to refer me for an MRI WITH contrast of my brain and whole spine. She agreed to the brain.

My results said I had two spots, but the radiologist thought it was just from migraines. (I don't get migraines.) I knew something was probably not right.

She referred me to a neuro here in town, but I was going to have to wait 3-4 months before I could see him! I didn't have that time. A friend, has a friend, who is a rep. for Copaxone, an MS drug. I have my primary refer me to one of the neuro's she is familiar with and likes.

I wait a few weeks and get in.

He agrees I need a spinal tap. I get it. They call a week later and tell me I need to come in so the dr. can discuss the results. I knew that was bad.

My mom, husband and I are there. He begins talking, I kind of tune him out until he gets to the part I knew was coming. "Megan, there is inflammation in your fluid. That shouldn't be there. You do indeed have MS."

(big sigh) Mom cries. Matt cries. I stare at the floor. I knew it was MS. Too many things/people had crossed my path that lead me to this day. I knew God was delicately corralling me as I walked down the road. He was saying, "Stay to the left." When I wanted to go right. Going right meant I just had a bad back, left meant MS. I attempted to avoid going left, but praise HIM he kept me on the correct side of the road.

MS WEEK

Today marks the first day of MS Awareness Week!

If I told you I was excited, that'd be a lie. I'm not excited in the least. Why? Because I'm mad at 'it.' I hate acknowledging it and someone just gave it a whole week. Yes, I know my thinking doesn't make sense, but it does to my scar filled brain.

Lately, I've been scared. I do not know what the future holds for me.
I worry one or more of my kids will develop this disease.
I worry I won't get to play with them as they get older.
I worry I will not be able to walk.
I worry about being an inadequate wife, mother, daughter, friend...
I worry this will defeat me.
I worry.............
I worry.......

If I let myself continue on this path, this path where my thoughts bounce around like a four year old telling you what they did yesterday, I will become sick to my stomach. The thoughts, the fears, they are nauseating. They are super powerful.

When I'm finally able to harness those destructive thoughts, this little verse always comes to mind.

"Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

My time on this Earth could end tomorrow and it could have nothing to do with multiple sclerosis. (I don't capitalize it because I feel it gives it unnecessary power.) I have to remember to do what I can with this body while I can.

I'm hoping this week you will join me on my journey to defeat the fears, to overcome, to remember Jesus reigns.

Lately...

I've been trying to think of something to write about and although I've got ideas, it's the time to put them here that I lack. I'm squeezing a few minutes now before Colbie wakes up ready to eat.

Since I don't want to go into some philosophical rant or book review, I did finish another book called A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, but it's deep and not for today. Anyways, I thought I'd do a 'what's been happenin' lately' post. I print these posts, so if this sounds very repetitive because we talk or you read my twitter feed, sorry. I want these memories for later.

I'm right on with my reading schedule for the year. I call it 26in52 My health is good. Today it's ok, but most days it's good, so if we were in middle school math and the teacher said take the median average, it would be gook. HA! I'm in the process of getting my medicine. So back to stabbing myself with a needle! I haven't had to do that in over a year, kind of stinks to go back, really stinks. I'm really not looking forward to it, but it is what it is.

Chloe is becoming such a little lady. She wears a dress nearly 24/7. She wants to play in the mud while wearing a dress. She told me today that "When I growed up, I want to be a princess." I told her that was awesome and asked if she wanted to get married and be a mommy like me. She said, "Well, I feel like I do." Was sweet.

Cooper is a wild man. He recently helped Matt change a tire. His hands were covered in black grime and Cooper was super excited about it. He came up to me with his palms showing, "LOOK MOM!" Then he headed over to the gas tank area, opened the door and said, "I'm working on Dad's truck." He is a train loving builder/fixer.

Colbie is three months old. She loves to cuddle. If you hold her chest to chest, she grips you like a little koala bear or something, maybe a monkey or chimpanzee. She is a fun little girl.

Things are good.