Monday, March 14, 2011
Today marks the first day of MS Awareness Week!
If I told you I was excited, that'd be a lie. I'm not excited in the least. Why? Because I'm mad at 'it.' I hate acknowledging it and someone just gave it a whole week. Yes, I know my thinking doesn't make sense, but it does to my scar filled brain.
Lately, I've been scared. I do not know what the future holds for me.
I worry one or more of my kids will develop this disease.
I worry I won't get to play with them as they get older.
I worry I will not be able to walk.
I worry about being an inadequate wife, mother, daughter, friend...
I worry this will defeat me.
If I let myself continue on this path, this path where my thoughts bounce around like a four year old telling you what they did yesterday, I will become sick to my stomach. The thoughts, the fears, they are nauseating. They are super powerful.
When I'm finally able to harness those destructive thoughts, this little verse always comes to mind.
"Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14
My time on this Earth could end tomorrow and it could have nothing to do with multiple sclerosis. (I don't capitalize it because I feel it gives it unnecessary power.) I have to remember to do what I can with this body while I can.
I'm hoping this week you will join me on my journey to defeat the fears, to overcome, to remember Jesus reigns.