Sunday, August 2, 2009

Reclaiming Mode

I blogged yesterday that I was going to open my ears to hear God's analogies... well, I'm back, actually I just opened the door and God was standing on my dusty floor mat, bags in hand and he said, "Goodness child, where have you been. I've been out here for the past month knocking and knocking and knocking on the door to your heart. Now I know you are not deaf, I created you."

Matt took the kids to church this morning so I could lay flat and let my back heal. I turned off the tv, opened up a book I had started a few weeks ago, but put it down for a few days b/c it is jammed packed of info. I needed to gather my thoughts; that was like a month ago.

I decided today, since there was going to be silence in the house, that I'd pick up the book and begin reading, again. I have been in a funk, a spiritual funk. Through all this health stuff I kept asking, "God, I'm praying for healing, I'm receiving that blessing you gave me when you died on the cross... BUT...." Following the 'but' were thoughts of, 'What if I have MS? What if I pray for healing and yet I am not healed? What if I put all my 'believing eggs' into your basket of faith and then you drop them all? What if I end up disappointed?"

Do you see something wrong with all of those thoughts?

I didn't; at the time. In my warped mind I was expecting God to do this and that FOR me, like it's my world and He's just living in it.

So this morning, I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Such a wonderful book.
Psalm 115:3 says, "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him."
If you believe what the bible says is the Truth, then Francis says, "Why do we keep on questioning Him?" *aha moment*
I have got to stop questioning God like I created the world and start acting like God created the world. God is not here for Megan Knox, but Megan Knox is here for God. I need to start acting like it. God does not need Megan Knox to help keep the world turning on its axis.
So as of today, I am in reclaiming mode. Come next week, I will hear the results of my test. I will know if I am living with MS or not. Either way, I am here and I am alive.
Now here is what I need from you. I don't need sympathy, but strength. I don't need "oh don't be so hard on yourself" I need "suck it up Megan, and reclaim your life."
Because I am in reclaiming mode... now if anyone knows how to reclaim my afro let me know.

2 comments:

  1. I need to get in a reclaiming mode too. Thanks for the great post!
    -Amy

    ReplyDelete

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. -Corinthians 5:14