Matt took the kids to church this morning so I could lay flat and let my back heal. I turned off the tv, opened up a book I had started a few weeks ago, but put it down for a few days b/c it is jammed packed of info. I needed to gather my thoughts; that was like a month ago.
I decided today, since there was going to be silence in the house, that I'd pick up the book and begin reading, again. I have been in a funk, a spiritual funk. Through all this health stuff I kept asking, "God, I'm praying for healing, I'm receiving that blessing you gave me when you died on the cross... BUT...." Following the 'but' were thoughts of, 'What if I have MS? What if I pray for healing and yet I am not healed? What if I put all my 'believing eggs' into your basket of faith and then you drop them all? What if I end up disappointed?"
Do you see something wrong with all of those thoughts?
I didn't; at the time. In my warped mind I was expecting God to do this and that FOR me, like it's my world and He's just living in it.
So this morning, I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Such a wonderful book.
Psalm 115:3 says, "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him."
If you believe what the bible says is the Truth, then Francis says, "Why do we keep on questioning Him?" *aha moment*
I have got to stop questioning God like I created the world and start acting like God created the world. God is not here for Megan Knox, but Megan Knox is here for God. I need to start acting like it. God does not need Megan Knox to help keep the world turning on its axis.
So as of today, I am in reclaiming mode. Come next week, I will hear the results of my test. I will know if I am living with MS or not. Either way, I am here and I am alive.
Now here is what I need from you. I don't need sympathy, but strength. I don't need "oh don't be so hard on yourself" I need "suck it up Megan, and reclaim your life."
Because I am in reclaiming mode... now if anyone knows how to reclaim my afro let me know.