Monday, July 30, 2012

Letting Go

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Boy is that a verse that is used A LOT! If I am being honest, it can be annoying to hear it. It's like the go to verse when people are going through something. It's the verse for "Ohhhh, I'll pray for you." It's the "I don't know what else to say and I have this one verse memorized so I'm going to use that and hope it makes you feel better" verse.

One might go as far as to say "Jeremiah 29:11 is the 'bless your heart' of the Bible." Ok, so I'll go as far as to say that.

Not doggin' the Bible! Just that verse gets used for everything in life from the big events to the little.

All that to say is, God used this verse on me this morning and I had a good tearful laugh/cry while on a spin bike. I guess God said, "Bless your heart, Megan."

Hubs and I had just received the 'no news news' on the house. Up until today I have been good. I have been ever so patient. I haven't worried or fretted or really even cared. Then today's call came. (see previous post on the no info info we got)

I hung up the phone, walk in to spin class with blurry teary eyes, trying to hide it, hop on a bike and just start asking God "What's going on?"

I'm waffling back and forth on what we should do; wait or walk, wait or walk......

Then I remember an event in my life that I wish I had walked and I have regretted it ever since.

When we worked at the boy's ranch, there was an event that took place that ended with me bawling my eyes out in a closet telling Matt to pack our stuff, we are out of here.

I finally came out of the closet, (hehe) and calmed down and changed my mind, I wanted to stay. Looking back, I should have ran to the nearest U-Haul place, grabbed a truck and left the ranch in my dust, but I didn't and the pain that followed was nearly unbearable. The anger and bitterness I held on to nearly destroyed me.

Back to the spin bike:

I'm peddling, at a rather slow rate because of the the giant baby in my belly, and those memories flood my mind as does Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans. Period." The first part of the verse was echoing in my head. "For I know the plans. For I know the plans."

He said, "Megan, do you believe that I truly know the plans for your family's life? Remember there is more to what I said, "to prosper you, Megan. Not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."

Side note: Prosper doesn't always mean cash money in the bank. I think it mostly means, happiness and joy.

"For HE knows the plans."

I realized I need to let go of this vision of my family in this house. I am letting go of the massive square footage and the 3 full baths. I am letting go of the family room where I saw all of us watching movies. I am letting go of the great neighborhood. I am letting go....

So today we are going to look at some rentals and we are bringing the checkbook. We have not formally pulled our offer. Sure don't want to be without a rental and no offer on a table so we will look and decide by the end of this week. Time is running out!

In full disclosure: If our people called today and said, "We have a deal!" I would jump on it. In full disclosure. :)

It took until today to finally be able to really let it all go. Just to say, "I'm done." is freeing. To finally not feel so stuck and in limbo, is nice.

So here comes the good news. It comes in verse 12, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." AMEN!

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For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. -Corinthians 5:14