I've had this post, idea for a post, in my head since the end of August but I can not find the proper words to make what is in my head sound clear to you, the reader. The only way I can think of is to ramble and pray what I want to say will come across and not get lost in the ramblings. Here I go:
Way back in August, towards the end of the month, we were still waiting to close on the house in BA. Matt had begun to grow annoyed with the process. We were standing in the bathroom, getting ready for bed and discussing the upcoming week. We had been told we would close on that coming Wednesday. This was about the 10th time we were given a closing date, so we didn't fully believe we would be given the keys that Wednesday.
Standing in the bathroom, and I have said many times here that the bathroom is a great thinking spot, we began to weigh pros and cons to pulling our offer and staying put. Then Matt said something that sealed our fate, "I dread signing those papers on Wednesday." Ouch. Dread? I knew if Matt was dreading this, then we had our answer. I told him to sleep on it, I would secretly pray his dread would turn into excitement overnight, and we would decide in the morning.
Morning came. He felt the same. He typed an email and sent it to our realtor and our mortgage guy. The deal was undone. We were staying. I cried. And I cried. And I mourned dreams. I mourned visions of my family in that house. And I cried some more. I cried for my kids. I cried for me!
Matt came home that night, we put the kids to bed and we both cried. We both have been waiting to move for four years! Two hours in a car Monday thru Friday has worn him out. Being away from us, getting up early, getting home late, missing school functions, no lunch dates at the house, lots of late dinners... Those things we dreamed of changing were not and we cried. What was going on? We felt God wanted us to move and now we weren't and we were very taken aback by the turn of events.
The following morning, Tuesday, I woke up, headed to the coffee pot and began that process when God hit me. "Megan, it is time for you to stop preparing to leave. You have spent four years waiting to move and not being present not only in your kid's life but in the life of the people you interact with everyday! You prepared your heart four years ago to say goodbye and in turn have made no real relationships. You have no roots! Plant yourself and be happy about it."
There were/are things I have put off because I was waiting for us to move. In my mind, when we moved, the things I was putting off would be easier. Example: Buying a fish. Chloe has wanted a fish for a while, but I just didn't see the room for it. As God would have it, because we spent 5 months packing and decluttering, we now had room for a fish. Sprinkles the Betta and Jewels the African Dwarf Frog are now members of our family and I must admit, I like them.
Example 2: Riding Bikes. I have been waiting to move to a nicer area to teach the kids how to ride a bike. Our current road is a death trap for a kid. When we moved I was planning on buying bikes and watching them go. My vision was of Matt teaching them because he would have more time due to us living closer to his job. When God hit me, I knew we needed to buy the kids bikes. We haven't yet, but it is planned whereas before it was planned for when we move.
Roots! Embrace where I am!
Embracing has actually been fun. We have been making improvements to our house. There were projects we always wanted to do but since we thought we would move we never made them. They are now being done! The idea of staying and paying off our house is very appealing! Will we stay? For now, yes. How long? I have no idea. None. Could we be here for 1 year? Yes. Five? If we are, we are going to need another bathroom.
One thing I know, I will be growing relationships. I will be planting roots. I will grow here and stop waiting for the future to blossom.