Perspective...

Earlier today I wrote about my crazy trip to the park with Chloe and Cooper, then 5:30pm rolled around and I watched the national evening news. I rarely watch the national new, too much politics and too much sadness.

I happened to be pumping at 5:30, the tv was on. I saw pictures of the damage the earthquake caused in China... I am humbled and guilt ridden.

I complain about going to the park and it being difficult for me. The reality of it all is I have my two kids. I'm not standing outside crumbled buildings, my throat parched, my eyes dried from all the tears shed, my belly aching, not because I'm hungry but because I am sick with fear; fear of the worst. I am not clinging to the possibility my child may come out from underneath the impossible. No, I sit here at my computer in my own world and complain about my trip to the park; forgive me for it will happen again.

The Park... NOT WORTH IT!

Yesterday was "MOPS At The Park." Since MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) is over for the year, we have monthly gatherings scheduled like going to the park and the pool. Yesterday was the park.

(sigh)

I got Chloe out of bed at 9am, and it wasn't 9:30 before I decided we were going to try to go to the park. She woke up on the wrong side of her crib and was taking her anger out on Cooper and me; she needed to get out.

We get to the park a little before 11:00am. The turn out is fantastic. A friend greets me at the car. She grabs Chloe and I get Cooper. As I am approaching the park I am already wanting to go home b/c I know how this adventure is going to end...

"wing, wing, wing." says Chloe in a dead sprint towards the "swings." I follow behind carrying Cooper in his car seat as he begins to cry b/c he HATES his car seat.

I lift Chloe into the swing. My friend and her son is still hanging out with us. Then both kids dart to a toddler friendly slide, I sit down and watch hoping she doesn't fall, but knowing if she does it isn't that far down and will only hurt for a brief moment.

The kids separate and Chloe decides she wants to act like a crazy person. She runs to Cooper and pulls his blanket off, pulls his pacifier out, shakes the car seat and heads for the swings. (I had just gotten him back to sleep) I grab her by the back of the shirt, she lets out the highest pitched scream that only little girls can do, especially when they are acting like brats/terds. She decides to flop around. I am trying to get Cooper to stop screaming and I can't let her go to the swings alone b/c they are all occupied w/ nice boys and girls and Chloe doesn't understand when the swings are moving, it hurts to get hit by one.

Once I am ready to go to the swings, she doesn't want to do that anymore. She starts playing on the 'not toddler friendly' part of the park. It's a cool toy, but has a lot of gaps and areas Chloe could fall through, she doesn't understand the gap thing yet.

Picture this. I am running around like a crazy person, carrying a car seat, yelling at Chloe to not step off the edge, Cooper is crying and I'm on the verge of a breakdown and slightly resenting Matt that he has never done this (taken both kids to the park). While attending to Cooper, Chloe falls off the toy, thankfully it wasn't from too high.

After 40 minutes (pat on my back) of enduring the elements, I decide to try and go home. Now this is where Chloe's true colors shine. She hates leaving the park and frankly so do I. I wanted to be able to stay and let her go crazy. I grab her up under my right arm, carry Cooper on my left and head for the truck. Chloe is kicking and screaming and I am thinking "my child really is a good girl people, please don't think she's awful."

Someone kindly asks, "Do you need help?"
"No, it's pointless now. I am almost there." I say while fighting back the tears.

I get Chloe into her car seat and she goes 'fish out of water' on me and I can't get her buckled in. I offer to go get fries b/c Lord knows I needed a pop and kiddie cheeseburger to help get me through; she calms down. I go to put Cooper's seat on the base and he is still screaming and I realize I can't find his pacifier, "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10"

I call my friend as I am pulling away from the gates of hell and ask her to grab it if she sees it.

I fight back more tears and call Matt and tell him about my morning. He says sorry, but that's all, I wanted a medal or something.

I have since decided, I will never do that again. Matt and I have to go 'man on man' defense when it comes to the park, zone is for idiots, it never works, usually not in basketball either.

I was recently introduced to the golden arches; McDonald's. I had never in the past thought about taking her there to play. From now on, it's McDonald's.

Family & Dedications

We had the Knox Family (Easter) gathering yesterday (Sat.). It was a long day, but lots of fun.

After the gathering, we headed off for church. We went back to our old stomping grounds; LifeChurch Tulsa Campus. They were doing baby dedications and so we had Cooper dedicated (not saved). What that means is we promise before God and our church to raise Cooper up in a Christ-filled home. (We promised Christmas of '06 to raise Chloe that way don't worry, she was dedicated then, we didn't forget her).

The youth pastor prayed over us. He did a really great job.

We promise!

Cooper's friend, Cole, got dedicated also, he is next to Matt with his parents. They made the same promise; we are raising Warriors for Christ!

Here's Chloe's dedication. She was 4 months old; time goes by so fast!

Bubbles...

It's been a while, but while in the bath tub once, Chloe farted and the bubbles came to the water's surface not to the back, but to the front of her. Matt was giving her a bath and she laughed and said, "Bubbles."

Matt cracked up, he told me, and I proceded to crack up.

Since, any time she farts she'll grab the front of her diaper and say with a giggle, "haha, bubbles." She doesn't yell it or make a big deal out of it, but it sure is funny. If she accidentally farts she'll tell us she made a bubble. Usually we laugh and then you see her tight fisted, red faced and trying to squeeze out another and she is successful 9 times out of 10.

At this moment, I am in the computer/ Cooper's room. Chloe is in her room "taking a nap" and I can hear her talking, singing and laughing. About 10 minutes ago, I heard a pop, not loud, come from her room. She giggles and I hear, "Bubbles." She says it ever so softly as if she's informing her stuffed animals of the noise and or smell that aroused them from their afternoon nap.

What should I do?

What do you do when your almost 21 month old hits you, repeatedly? If I tell her not to do something she will hit me, usually on the chest. If I tell her, in a stern voice, not to hit me she will hit me again. Today I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to her and she smacked me on the leg. I didn't say anything, so she decides to hit Cooper on his head. I snatched her up and dragged her to her room w/o her silky (her fav. blanket) and tossed her in her bed all the while telling her as stern as I could, "YOU DO NOT HIT YOUR BROTHER!" She cried, but not b/c she was in her bed, but b/c she didn't have her silky.

So I ask you, what do I do? Just let her grow out of it? I had heard once that toddlers hit b/c they have no other way to express their anger, like it's instinctive. Makes sense I guess, but how do I change her instincts?

This evening we were at Lowe's (the whole fam.) buying chair railing stuff for Coop's room. Chloe just hauls off and hits me b/c I told her to quit messing with Cooper's car seat (he was sleeping). Matt tells her in his very stern voice, "DO NOT HIT YOUR MOM!" So what does she do? She hits me again.

It's an endless cycle.

Cooper's New Room

Last week, my mother in law called and asked if they could take Chloe for a few days before they go on their mission trip. This call came around Monday morning. On Tues. morning, I asked Matt if we could just UPS Chloe to them, she was being an almost 2 year old girl! Example:

On Wednesday, I kept asking Matt, "Are you sure they are coming tomorrow?"

"Yes, they said they would be here in the morning around 10:00am."

"They are for sure coming?"

"Yes, Megan as long as no one dies or goes into the hospital." he responds annoyed with my constant need for reassurance, but not knowing why I keep asking b/c he goes to work everyday and Chloe is usually an angel when he gets home.

"Ok, well I am going to get her stuff together then."

"Sounds good Megan."

Wednesday, after they got out of church, Matt called them to finalize the details of their arrival. I can hear him on the phone say, "Yeah, I told her 'as long as no one dies or goes into the hospital'." Now he says this with a weird tone, not like joking like a serious tone.

I started to panic, I began thinking of who else we could call. I had already gotten my hopes up of being with out her for 3 WHOLE days! I knew I wasn't going to be able to mentally handle her, I had already checked out and there was no coming back.

Matt hung up the phone. "THEY AREN'T COMING ARE THEY?!" I say, not judgmentally, but saddened and disappointed and sinfully not liking that some one had passed and Matt's dad had to do the funeral. Like his dad says, "I marry 'em and I bury 'em." He doesn't say that as a joke, just as reality.

Matt assures me they are coming.

Thursday morning, the sun is shining birds are chirping and there is the smell of spring in the air. I get up a littler earlier than normal and start to get Chloe's stuff together. It's as if she knows she's getting away from me for a few days b/c she is acting like a little saint. Around 9:00am I call Matt and ask if his parents are on the way.

"Hi Matt! Are your parents on their way?"

"No, they are going to come this evening. They are going to the hospital and then will come up here when they are done."

"Oh, ok, why didn't you call me and tell me this? I have been running around the house like a crazy person getting things washed, dried and packed before they get here."

"I was fixing to." he quietly says which means he forgot.

"So does that mean they will be here for dinner? If that's the case where is everyone going to sit? Did you forget we have no table chairs?"

"No Megan I didn't forget that we have no table chairs. I can bring some of the metal ones home from work."

"Oh b/c that's welcoming."

The Saturday before these events we saw a lady selling her table chairs. We didn't buy them at the time b/c I didn't want to spend the money then and I thought we could just continue to eat on the couch, no biggy, no one ever eats here any ways.

"Do you WANT me to go by that lady's house and see if she sold those chairs?" he asks.

"Yes, I do." I say relieved he finally figured it out.

We buy the chairs, the in laws arrive, we eat dinner and Chloe leaves. As they pull out of the drive I have a weird feeling. I am glad to get a break, but sad I feel that way, BUT I am also glad she will be going to a place where she won't hear "NO" every 2 seconds. I find myself saying that a lot, in fact, I worry her vocabulary will narrow to that being the only word she says.

Friday goes great. I sleep most of the day with Cooper on my chest.

Saturday morning... Matt asks, "Sooo, what are we going to do today?"

"Oh, I don't know. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, we could redo Cooper's room."

"Ok." I say thinking that means just a coat of paint.

We arrive at Sherwin-Williams and Matt's decorating wheels begin spinning. I am no good at this kind of thing. I know what looks good and what I like or don't like, but making a final decision is way to hard and overwhelming for me. I hate going into 1/2 of 1/2 Name Brand Clothing b/c it's just too hard to decide and pick through all the things.

Matt decides he wants to paint the room a shade of blue (I'm not a fan of blue rooms) but then he wants to do the crackle effect to it and brown is the top coat. I like his idea, but realize it is going to take a while to do. Oh and he wants to put up a chair rail, which will look fantastic I'm just not very patient.

Cooper's room before... We just started putting on a white coat to cover the purple. Stay tuned for pic's of the final project.

Oh and Chloe's home now, so it will be interesting trying to finish this. We will have to tackle it after she goes to bed. It will look nice though when it's done, plus Matt is fired up to do Cooper's room.

I Just Got Stimulated!!

Yes sir E! I just got stimulated!!

Many of you may have heard, and if you haven't heard please come out of your shell, Pres. Bush had the gov. issue "stimulus checks" to us good ol' Americans (tax payers). Yes, ours arrived in my bank account this morning!! That's how I got stimulated, shame on you people with your dirty thoughts, I am only 4 weeks postpartum!!

Plans for the money? Well, after tithing off of it, we hope to find a cheap-o car. The rest will probably go to dr. bills. We have a deductible that has to be met before our insurance really does its job. Matt knocked out half of the amount with his winter injury (Achilles) and Cooper and I probably knocked out the remainder; easily. It's expensive to bring life into the world, jeesh.

Hope everyone gets stimulated soon!