Lately, I've been learning that Christ is all I need. Prior to August 4, 2009, I knew Christ was all I needed, but I was guilty of letting my kids, husband, sleep, life and many other things get in the way of our relationship.
Many times, I'd succumb to sleep or to the computer and would forego my 'Jesus time' I so desperately need every day.
Below is a clip from one of my favorite movies... You have to watch it before you continue.
It's from 'The Jerk' staring Steve Martin.
I don't need a paddle game, a chair, matches, a magazine, a lamp, an ash tray nor a remote control.
God is All I need.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Healing? For Me?
Last night, I broke. I began to cry for the dreams that seem shattered. I'll spare you the depressing details, but I cried and I cried hard.
At church, a staff member told me her friend was just healed of MS!! That was so exciting.
But as I lay in bed last night, I wondered, "Could I be healed?"
I know God can heal, and I've seen him heal others; but I don't know if He can or wants to heal me. (So dumb but I'm being honest with you; brutally honest.)
I called a friend this morning. She referred me to Mark 9.
21 Jesus asked the boy's father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered.
22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23 ” ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
24 Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
So today, I have been exclaiming the same words the father said to Jesus. "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
I decided to look for any verses that referenced being tested. I ended up at Job, of all places. I went to Job 23 and began reading Job's words. (I'm not putting them here b/c it's long.) "That's how I feel buddy!" Is what I thought.
Then I got to the verse I initially was looking for Job 23:10
10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
"Yes!"
I flipped pages until I got to what the Lord had to say, I wanted to know his reply to Job. I'll give you a snippet.
1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!
"Lord, forgive me for my unbelief."
At church, a staff member told me her friend was just healed of MS!! That was so exciting.
But as I lay in bed last night, I wondered, "Could I be healed?"
I know God can heal, and I've seen him heal others; but I don't know if He can or wants to heal me. (So dumb but I'm being honest with you; brutally honest.)
I called a friend this morning. She referred me to Mark 9.
21 Jesus asked the boy's father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered.
22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
23 ” ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
24 Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
So today, I have been exclaiming the same words the father said to Jesus. "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
I decided to look for any verses that referenced being tested. I ended up at Job, of all places. I went to Job 23 and began reading Job's words. (I'm not putting them here b/c it's long.) "That's how I feel buddy!" Is what I thought.
Then I got to the verse I initially was looking for Job 23:10
10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
"Yes!"
I flipped pages until I got to what the Lord had to say, I wanted to know his reply to Job. I'll give you a snippet.
1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!
"Lord, forgive me for my unbelief."
Thursday, August 6, 2009
River Is Rising
Michael W. Smith has a song titled 'River Is Rising.' It's MWS and a choir and a fast beat...
I feel it, I feel It, I feel It
In my bones and I just don't think I can hold it anymore
The river is rising flowing out of me
And I'm coming alive, I'm coming alive
I'm gonna dance and sing and move my feet,
cause the river is rising, flowing out of me
Got to let the world know take it to the streets
Got to dance and sing and add a shout of praise!
Hallelujah the river is rising
This is how I've been feeling lately. I feel it in my bones. I feel like God has a humungo plan for all of this; I know it. Almost like a kid on Christmas morning, that anticipation they feel, that antsy-ness, that excitement because they don't know what 'gift' they are going to find under the tree.
I don't know what 'gift' I am going to find at the feet of Christ. I know it's good. I can feel it.
I want to take this 'curse' and see it as a blessing! I want to grab it with both hands, hold it in front of me and see what happens.
You know in the movie 'Field of Dream' where James Earl Jones KNOWS people will come and he has this vision of all that is going to happen? I feel like James Earl Jones. I doubt people will show up at my house, pay $20 to see me.... but his passion about his vision is how I feel. James knew it and I know it. (That's the best part of the movie.. gives me chills.)
I prayed a while back for a purpose. And it seems I got my answer. I now have a mission field as long as it's cool outside! haha
I feel it, I feel It, I feel It
In my bones and I just don't think I can hold it anymore
The river is rising flowing out of me
And I'm coming alive, I'm coming alive
I'm gonna dance and sing and move my feet,
cause the river is rising, flowing out of me
Got to let the world know take it to the streets
Got to dance and sing and add a shout of praise!
Hallelujah the river is rising
This is how I've been feeling lately. I feel it in my bones. I feel like God has a humungo plan for all of this; I know it. Almost like a kid on Christmas morning, that anticipation they feel, that antsy-ness, that excitement because they don't know what 'gift' they are going to find under the tree.
I don't know what 'gift' I am going to find at the feet of Christ. I know it's good. I can feel it.
I want to take this 'curse' and see it as a blessing! I want to grab it with both hands, hold it in front of me and see what happens.
You know in the movie 'Field of Dream' where James Earl Jones KNOWS people will come and he has this vision of all that is going to happen? I feel like James Earl Jones. I doubt people will show up at my house, pay $20 to see me.... but his passion about his vision is how I feel. James knew it and I know it. (That's the best part of the movie.. gives me chills.)
I prayed a while back for a purpose. And it seems I got my answer. I now have a mission field as long as it's cool outside! haha
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Keep On Rolling
Life after the diagnosis...
When we rolled into the ER, Matt and I just laughed. I said, "It's like God is saying, 'Guys, life is still going on. Are you going to join us?'"
Monday, August 3, 2009
Trying Not To Worry
So today, I found out my tests were abnormal.
I cried.
Called Matt.
He said, "Megan, you told me yesterday no matter what happens that everything is going to be ok. I think you need to take your own advice. Calm down because you are only going to worry yourself sick."
He's right.
So I got in the recliner, opened my book Crazy Love and attempted to read in an effort to change my thoughts.
Second Chapter starts, "You could die while reading this chapter..."
So true, I could die on my way to 'discuss options.' I say all of this not to 'move' you, but more of a pep talk to myself. Let's put it into perspective really. I said yesterday God is not here for me, I am here for Him. If I truly believe that then I need to chill and quit worrying.
That is not going to be easy because I am a worrier....
I kept reading through Chapter Two..."Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."
So I just got called out huh? Man o man, do I feel like an idiot.
Because I am weak, I will struggle with this all night, but will try to tell myself I am slapping God in the face.
I need to paste that to my forehead.
I cried.
Called Matt.
He said, "Megan, you told me yesterday no matter what happens that everything is going to be ok. I think you need to take your own advice. Calm down because you are only going to worry yourself sick."
He's right.
So I got in the recliner, opened my book Crazy Love and attempted to read in an effort to change my thoughts.
Second Chapter starts, "You could die while reading this chapter..."
So true, I could die on my way to 'discuss options.' I say all of this not to 'move' you, but more of a pep talk to myself. Let's put it into perspective really. I said yesterday God is not here for me, I am here for Him. If I truly believe that then I need to chill and quit worrying.
That is not going to be easy because I am a worrier....
I kept reading through Chapter Two..."Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control.
Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."
So I just got called out huh? Man o man, do I feel like an idiot.
Because I am weak, I will struggle with this all night, but will try to tell myself I am slapping God in the face.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil 4:4)
I need to paste that to my forehead.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Reclaiming Mode
I blogged yesterday that I was going to open my ears to hear God's analogies... well, I'm back, actually I just opened the door and God was standing on my dusty floor mat, bags in hand and he said, "Goodness child, where have you been. I've been out here for the past month knocking and knocking and knocking on the door to your heart. Now I know you are not deaf, I created you."
Matt took the kids to church this morning so I could lay flat and let my back heal. I turned off the tv, opened up a book I had started a few weeks ago, but put it down for a few days b/c it is jammed packed of info. I needed to gather my thoughts; that was like a month ago.
I decided today, since there was going to be silence in the house, that I'd pick up the book and begin reading, again. I have been in a funk, a spiritual funk. Through all this health stuff I kept asking, "God, I'm praying for healing, I'm receiving that blessing you gave me when you died on the cross... BUT...." Following the 'but' were thoughts of, 'What if I have MS? What if I pray for healing and yet I am not healed? What if I put all my 'believing eggs' into your basket of faith and then you drop them all? What if I end up disappointed?"
Do you see something wrong with all of those thoughts?
I didn't; at the time. In my warped mind I was expecting God to do this and that FOR me, like it's my world and He's just living in it.
So this morning, I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Such a wonderful book.
Matt took the kids to church this morning so I could lay flat and let my back heal. I turned off the tv, opened up a book I had started a few weeks ago, but put it down for a few days b/c it is jammed packed of info. I needed to gather my thoughts; that was like a month ago.
I decided today, since there was going to be silence in the house, that I'd pick up the book and begin reading, again. I have been in a funk, a spiritual funk. Through all this health stuff I kept asking, "God, I'm praying for healing, I'm receiving that blessing you gave me when you died on the cross... BUT...." Following the 'but' were thoughts of, 'What if I have MS? What if I pray for healing and yet I am not healed? What if I put all my 'believing eggs' into your basket of faith and then you drop them all? What if I end up disappointed?"
Do you see something wrong with all of those thoughts?
I didn't; at the time. In my warped mind I was expecting God to do this and that FOR me, like it's my world and He's just living in it.
So this morning, I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Such a wonderful book.
Psalm 115:3 says, "Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him."
If you believe what the bible says is the Truth, then Francis says, "Why do we keep on questioning Him?" *aha moment*
I have got to stop questioning God like I created the world and start acting like God created the world. God is not here for Megan Knox, but Megan Knox is here for God. I need to start acting like it. God does not need Megan Knox to help keep the world turning on its axis.
So as of today, I am in reclaiming mode. Come next week, I will hear the results of my test. I will know if I am living with MS or not. Either way, I am here and I am alive.
Now here is what I need from you. I don't need sympathy, but strength. I don't need "oh don't be so hard on yourself" I need "suck it up Megan, and reclaim your life."
Because I am in reclaiming mode... now if anyone knows how to reclaim my afro let me know.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
To My Father In Law
Dear Father In Law,
Matt told me that you enjoy my blog. He told me you enjoyed when I got all 'spiritual/Jesus freak/faith challenging/Bible preaching.'
Truth is... I enjoy that stuff too.
I really enjoy writing those types of blogs.
Those blogs come straight from God, to me, to the computer for all the world to read. The only problem? I didn't think anyone was reading them. When I'd post those 'spiritual/Jesus freak/faith challenging/Bible preaching' posts, I didn't think anyone was 'getting' it. I'd poor my heart out there and no one would say, "Man, that was good."
I'm sure you have had that happen after you preached a sermon. You've probably said the same thing, "Are you people getting what God just laid out there for you to hear?"
Because I thought no one was reading, I think I quit listening. Honestly? Those little Jesus analogies I do, would just pop into my head in the middle of the day while I am doing something odd like changing a diaper. I think I have let those Jesus analogies go in one ear and out the other especially during this time of my life...
... but now that I know at least one person is reading, I will post again.
So to my lone reader, my Father In Law, I will make a comeback, I will rise up, I will heed to the analogy Voice and write again.
Matt told me that you enjoy my blog. He told me you enjoyed when I got all 'spiritual/Jesus freak/faith challenging/Bible preaching.'
Truth is... I enjoy that stuff too.
I really enjoy writing those types of blogs.
Those blogs come straight from God, to me, to the computer for all the world to read. The only problem? I didn't think anyone was reading them. When I'd post those 'spiritual/Jesus freak/faith challenging/Bible preaching' posts, I didn't think anyone was 'getting' it. I'd poor my heart out there and no one would say, "Man, that was good."
I'm sure you have had that happen after you preached a sermon. You've probably said the same thing, "Are you people getting what God just laid out there for you to hear?"
Because I thought no one was reading, I think I quit listening. Honestly? Those little Jesus analogies I do, would just pop into my head in the middle of the day while I am doing something odd like changing a diaper. I think I have let those Jesus analogies go in one ear and out the other especially during this time of my life...
... but now that I know at least one person is reading, I will post again.
So to my lone reader, my Father In Law, I will make a comeback, I will rise up, I will heed to the analogy Voice and write again.
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