It's not Megan it's Megan

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Revamped To Do's

To Do's for April 6, 2011

~~Take kids to school~~

~~Pray while driving to neuro, ask God to heal me~~

~~Run to the neuro~~, tell him how you have felt pretty good and be excited about it

Drink coffee lots of coffee

Make a short 1 item run to Wal-Mart

Take some donate items by Birthright

Take C2's shot records to school

Pick up kids

Cook dinner

Corral kids the rest of the evening

That's as far as I got on that list.

Now let me present the "To Do List that actually got To Do'd"

Take kids to school

Run to neuro and nearly fall out in the lobby of the building

Panic

Cry

Panic

Cry

Beg

Talk to dr only I have no idea what I was saying to him

Talk to dr only I have no idea what he was saying to me

Get charged for the visit in which no one knew what anyone was talking about

Pull Matt from work to take me to hospital

Get an IV full of steroids

Cuddle with C3 while getting meds dripped into my forearm

Be thankful I'm not the lady next door getting an IV because I'm pucking my guts out and I'm pregnant

Be told by a nurse I get to leave the line in my arm until after my infusion Friday. When I tell her I'm a Mom to three littles, she just says, "I'll wrap it really well."

Have a mouth that tastes like I've been eating batteries or licking metal posts

Be the recipient of a massive headache

Matt picks up kids

Make a run to kid's school because C2 beloved 'silky' was left

Reassure C1 I'm not bleeding to death

Reassure C2 "it doesn't hurt"

Have dinner brought to us by a dear friend

Realize how many people care for me

Figure out how to accept the offers of help

Lay in bed all evening

Cuddle with C2 in my bed because he loves to cuddle

Smile about the thought of my lug of butter loving to cuddle

Watch church online with M1 (husband)

Sit in bed while my house sleeps typing this post and think "I should definitely stop drinking coffee before bed

Then decide I will stop when it becomes super hot

I need a pedicure

Listen to M1 sleep

Thank God

Don't scratch a single item of the list because everything happened so fast you forgot a pen

After my convo with God this morning and then the way things happened, one might say to ones self "Hmm, this is not what I pictured today looking like." So as Matt is driving us back to The Ville, I said to myself "Hmm, this is not what I pictured today looking like."

So as I wiggle my tongue like a horse with peanut butter in the mouth only I have metal in mine, I will end with this...

Psalm 144: 3-4 "O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them? 4 For they are like a breath of air; their days are like a passing shadow." NLT

Life is short. David reminds us that it is "like a breath" and that our "days are like a passing shadow." Because life is short, we should live for God while we have the time. Don't waste your life by selecting an inferior purpose that has no lasting value. Live for God- He alone can make your life worthwhile, purposeful, and meaningful. -YouVersion Bible App

I've been using the Life Application Study Bible ® Devotion Reading Plan at YouVersion.com. You might enjoy it, or one of the many other plans that are available. Check it out at YouVersion.com.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Saving Souls

Warning: This post will contain oozing thoughts. Oozing thoughts are unpredictable and can not be contained. The ooze goes where it pleases.

"Ahh, warm water. Ugh, that's dirt." I said to myself as I was washing my feet in the bathtub. I don't like my feet to feel dirty. In fact, I always have a pair of socks on when in my house. The cold floor plus remnants of everything the kids have eaten since the last time I vacuumed or swept, is something my feet and my psychy can't handle, so I always wear socks.

That was how the morning ended.

This is how it began...

Me talking to God: Today is One Day Without Shoes, cool huh? (I proceed to tell him what it's all about as if He doesn't know.)
God: You should go without today.
Me: Eh, I'll have to walk in a parking lot and into the Y. You know that's gross! People will stare, talk, some might cackle, whisper, make fun.....
God: They do the same stuff to me Megan, I know the drill. You used to be a little attention drawer, go draw some attention.
Me: But..
God: GO

"She doesn't have any shoes on." Said a lady to her friend as they were walking out of the YMCA as I was walking in. I'm not sure who she thought I was, if I suffered from a memory problem and forgot to put shoes on this morning or if I was some radical tree hugging, kumbaya singing, kid lugging mom that doesn't wear shoes because they contain chemicals. I don't know, but the shock in her voice was quite humorous.

Went to my Bible study, studied, prayed, grabbed the kids and left. Walking to the car, more people whispered about my bare feet. By now, my feet are frozen and the asphalt is slightly painful, especially that itty bitty pebble that was stuck to my heel.

Dropped my maternity clothes off with a friend, she's having her third boy. I made a point while walking back to the car, to walk on her grass. I needed to feel something soft.

As soon as I got home, I headed to the tub to warm and wash my feet.

God: As you wash your feet clean, do you see how symbolic all of this is?
Me: Yep. (I talk like a hick to God, His idea not mine since He created me.)

Today is One Day Without Shoes. TOMSshoes and Compassion joined forces to bring awareness to all the kids in the world who don't have shoes. Some can't go to school because shoes are part of the uniform. Some get serious infections that are completely a million percent preventable with soles on their feet.

It might seem like a simple thing; go without shoes. But it's so much deeper than not grabbing your flip flops as you leave the house.

While praying in my Bible study the leader said something that was perfect. "Jesus, as we pray for the soles of people's feet, we also pray for their souls to be filled with You."

That's really what it's all about for me. I will go without shoes for souls.

*For every pair of shoes bought, TOMSshoes donates a pair. One for One*

Monday, April 4, 2011

My Weekly "I AM"

Outside my window... it looks like a helicopter is hovering above the earth. It is so windy. It's super cloudy and looks like it wants to rain. I am thinking.... I need a pedicure. How can my baby girl be going to Pre-K next year?! I could cry just thinking about it, I have cried just thinking about it. I'm overwhelmed with my thoughts on this topic. The thought of her going five days a week is not flowing easily through my scarred brain. I need a pedicure. It will drain me of what little energy I have taking her five days a week, picking her up before noon, taking C2 to his school and picking him up at noon and then taking care of C3. I have thought about homeschooling, but I know I am not able to teach C1 what she needs to move forward. She loves loves school. I've saved her a spot and if things become too difficult, I can always pull her. C3 stil prefers to be swaddled at night. How long until she will sleep without it. I guess I'll keep wrapping her until she starts fighting it. My post baby body is weird. After the other two, my legs were big and my belly wasn't too bad. After number three, my belly is very muffiny and my legs are not as big. I like twitter. I need to take family photos. C2 turned three. I go to my neuro on Wednesday, we have things to discuss. I really need a pedicure. I am planning to cook... yeah, I have absolutely no idea what is going to be on the menu this week. My mind has been slightly checked out the past few days. I can carry a thought just long enough to make coffee, but to read Love Wins is another story. Whew! I am having processing issues in the brain. My energy feels pretty good, but the brain is running slow. haha I have food, but to create something with it all might be asking way too much. I need a pedicure. I am reading...well, I read a few chapters of Love Wins and in all honestly this was my thought, "WHAT?" Perhaps it's the fact my brain's on overload, but I have decided to save what brain nerves I have left and put the book down. I got the gist of it and that was enough. Way too philisophical for this gal and I like philosophical, but this goes to places in the mind that are uninhabited. I need a pedicure. I am wearing.. same ol stuff, sweats, tshirt and socks because I need a pedicure. I am hearing... C2 playing with his trains and my toenail polish peeling off because I need a pedicure. C3 is chatting while chewing on her hands. From the sound of it, they are yummy I am learning... educationally; not much. Parenting wise; little by little. Spiritually; not enough. I like coffee, uh actually I like creamer with coffee. I like pinkish colors for my toes when I get a pedicure. I am praying... for healing and for us to move. I'm also trying to listen more and not talk as much. God has a lot to tell me, I can feel it, so I'm trying to shut up and listen.

Weekly "I AM"

Friday, April 1, 2011

Lyrically Speaking

Planting Trees by Andrew Peterson (Counting Stars) We chose the spot, we dug the hole We laid the maples in the ground to have and hold As Autumn falls to Winters sleep We pray that somehow in the Spring The roots grow deep And many years from now Long after we are gone These trees will spread their branches out And bless the dawn He took a plane to Africa He gathered up into his arms An orphan son So many years from now Long after we are gone This tree will spread its branches out And bless the dawn So sit down and write that letter Sign up and join the fight Sink in to all that matters Step out into the light Let go of all that's passing Lift up the least of these Lean into something lasting Planting trees She rises up as morning breaks She moves among these rooms alone Before we wake And her heart is so full; it overflows She waters us with love and the children grow So many years from now Long after we are gone These trees will spread their branches out And bless the dawn These trees will spread their branches out And bless someone

Dilly Dallying

I find that God likes to speak to me at the most random of times. Maybe that's when I have my listening ears on, I don't know, but yesterday He hit me while putting my groceries on the belt at Walmart. I was waiting on the belt to move to allow more space for my stuff. While waiting, I checked my phone and noticed I had an email from Tom's Shoes. I can't remember the exact verbage, but it had to do with an upcoming event that encouraged people to go shoeless. I thought to myself in that very moment, while putting food on the belt, "Huh, that's a cool idea. That'd be fun to do." I wasn't planning on doing it, just thought it neat. I didn't even see what the charity or what their point was just thought going shoeless for anything was cool. "Megan, you support a lot of different charities which is great, but you need to pick one or two and really stand behind them. Find something to put your passion into." -God He's right. (of course) We have a Compassion child, so she's one, but I need something local. I'm praying for Him to show me who He wants me to serve. Do you have certain charities that you put all of your heart into or are you like me and dilly dally in a handful?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My Story (Repost)

Since it is MS Awareness Week, I thought I would share my story on how I got diagnosed. Some might already know my story, but some might not. It's a repost, so enjoy!

I was thinking, some of you may not know the 'whole' story leading me up to today. So here it goes....

In the fall of 2004, Matt and I were working at a boy's ranch. We lived out in the country, which we loved, but living in the country comes with issues; allergies. I suffered from them terribly, so I made an appointment with my primary doctor in Tulsa. He gives me an allergy shot. I off handedly mentioned when I tilted my head forward, the tips of my toes tingled. He did a few in office tests testing my range of motion. All was fine. He was baffled, so he sent me to have an MRI of my neck, thinking something was going on with my neck. Makes sense.

Results came back and nothing was wrong. I let it go, I was still able to run like a wild woman, so I didn't worry about it.

Summer of 2005, we were living in Claremore. If you have ever been to Claremore, they have a lovely running trail along their 'lake.' It's so nice. I did what any runner would do, I became obsessed with running... so I ran and ran and ran. (why I ran so much is another story)

One day, I took off running. I got 20 feet and Bam! my legs were completely numb and tingly from the hips down. I stopped for a minute, took a few deep breaths, and attempted it again. Nope, it wasn't happening. I took a few days off, thinking I had just over done it.

A few days later, I try again. Negative. It wasn't happening.

I make an appointment with a doctor who sends me to have another MRI. Nothing really wrong. I get sent to a 'pain specialist.' I get epidural injections. They don't work. I see a neurosurgeon. He sends me to have more MRI's. This time he does a contrast of my brain. The contrast showed no MS. It shows a cyst in my neck. No big deal, so I'm told.

Soooo, I had spent $6,000 plus and didn't get a single answer, well I take that back I was told 'no MS.' The neurosurgeon referred me to a shrink. Ya, I didn't pay his bill. I am no longer allowed to see him as a patient. "Good riddens" I say.

In October of 2005, Matt and I go to Minnesota. He had to attend a five week training and I went along. When we got back from the Golden State, we were going to live in Bartlesville. So we packed everything into storage and headed up north. Eh. (that's northern talk)

While in MN, things started to get better. I joined the local Y, began water aerobics with the local senior citizens, fished with a local senior gentleman and things were good.

After five weeks of northern life, which we loved, we headed back south.

On November 6th(ish), of 2005, we moved into our tiny, overpriced apartment and life was good. I began running again and things seemed normal.

A few weeks later, we learned I was pregnant. We had our daughter August of 2006, life was good.

A few months after her birth, I ran off and on, without any problems. So I started running more often. I was thrilled, never thought much about what had happened in the past. I chalked it up to over exercise.

August 2007, we were prego again! Surprise! On April 3, 2008, our son was born. I ran a few times after his birth and again, no problems.

January 2009. I hop out of my car, jog into Wal-Mart to beat the chill in the air. I hit the doors and that all to familiar feeling hit me. My right leg was tingling. "Hmm, that's strange." I rested a minute and it went away.

I waited a few months. By March, it hadn't left, so I went to a chiropractor. I thought, "Oh my back is messed up." The chiro. mentioned MS. I said, "Oh I've been tested, I came back clean."
She said, "Ya, but it can come and go."

I didn't know that. I made an appointment with an ortho. I was still in denial. He sent me to have another MRI of my neck and lower back.

I still had the cyst, but it was the same size. I had some messed up discs, so off I went to a physical therapist.

June.

I'm in the therapists office, doing an evaluation. I tell her the story starting in January. She says, "Have you been tested for MS?"

I tell her that I had and I was clean. She mentions that I need a spinal tap to be for certain.

I was angry. I thought she stepped over a line when she said those things. I wanted to be treated for a bad back!

After much thought and prayer, I realize I should make sure. I had read some things about MS and my symptoms followed along some of the lines. No symptoms during pregnancy, tingling leg, arm and I was tired.

Sooo began another journey. I went to my primary here, told her to refer me for an MRI WITH contrast of my brain and whole spine. She agreed to the brain.

My results said I had two spots, but the radiologist thought it was just from migraines. (I don't get migraines.) I knew something was probably not right.

She referred me to a neuro here in town, but I was going to have to wait 3-4 months before I could see him! I didn't have that time. A friend, has a friend, who is a rep. for Copaxone, an MS drug. I have my primary refer me to one of the neuro's she is familiar with and likes.

I wait a few weeks and get in.

He agrees I need a spinal tap. I get it. They call a week later and tell me I need to come in so the dr. can discuss the results. I knew that was bad.

My mom, husband and I are there. He begins talking, I kind of tune him out until he gets to the part I knew was coming. "Megan, there is inflammation in your fluid. That shouldn't be there. You do indeed have MS."

(big sigh) Mom cries. Matt cries. I stare at the floor. I knew it was MS. Too many things/people had crossed my path that lead me to this day. I knew God was delicately corralling me as I walked down the road. He was saying, "Stay to the left." When I wanted to go right. Going right meant I just had a bad back, left meant MS. I attempted to avoid going left, but praise HIM he kept me on the correct side of the road.