Monday, April 4, 2011
Weekly "I AM"
Outside my window... it looks like a helicopter is hovering above the earth. It is so windy. It's super cloudy and looks like it wants to rain. I am thinking.... I need a pedicure. How can my baby girl be going to Pre-K next year?! I could cry just thinking about it, I have cried just thinking about it. I'm overwhelmed with my thoughts on this topic. The thought of her going five days a week is not flowing easily through my scarred brain. I need a pedicure. It will drain me of what little energy I have taking her five days a week, picking her up before noon, taking C2 to his school and picking him up at noon and then taking care of C3. I have thought about homeschooling, but I know I am not able to teach C1 what she needs to move forward. She loves loves school. I've saved her a spot and if things become too difficult, I can always pull her. C3 stil prefers to be swaddled at night. How long until she will sleep without it. I guess I'll keep wrapping her until she starts fighting it. My post baby body is weird. After the other two, my legs were big and my belly wasn't too bad. After number three, my belly is very muffiny and my legs are not as big. I like twitter. I need to take family photos. C2 turned three. I go to my neuro on Wednesday, we have things to discuss. I really need a pedicure. I am planning to cook... yeah, I have absolutely no idea what is going to be on the menu this week. My mind has been slightly checked out the past few days. I can carry a thought just long enough to make coffee, but to read Love Wins is another story. Whew! I am having processing issues in the brain. My energy feels pretty good, but the brain is running slow. haha I have food, but to create something with it all might be asking way too much. I need a pedicure. I am reading...well, I read a few chapters of Love Wins and in all honestly this was my thought, "WHAT?" Perhaps it's the fact my brain's on overload, but I have decided to save what brain nerves I have left and put the book down. I got the gist of it and that was enough. Way too philisophical for this gal and I like philosophical, but this goes to places in the mind that are uninhabited. I need a pedicure. I am wearing.. same ol stuff, sweats, tshirt and socks because I need a pedicure. I am hearing... C2 playing with his trains and my toenail polish peeling off because I need a pedicure. C3 is chatting while chewing on her hands. From the sound of it, they are yummy I am learning... educationally; not much. Parenting wise; little by little. Spiritually; not enough. I like coffee, uh actually I like creamer with coffee. I like pinkish colors for my toes when I get a pedicure. I am praying... for healing and for us to move. I'm also trying to listen more and not talk as much. God has a lot to tell me, I can feel it, so I'm trying to shut up and listen.