We Recycle

We recycle our paper...

But I'm not sure where he'd go?

The Thoughts of Chloe

Hmmm, I think I need go pee pee. "Mom, I need go pee pee!" I make sure and tell her EVERY SINGLE TIME I need to go. I think she appreciates it, plus she gives me 'daddy raisins.'

Now my mom, being the good mom she is and not at all lazy, tells me, "Ok, well just go pee over there."

So I do. But it takes a minute. It's not really stage fright, it's just, I have to focus.

But once I focus I go pee pee. It helps when you lean your left foot a little. Keeps the pee off most of your leg.
I check to make sure, just in case it was all in my head. I notice a big puddle and that is usually a sign of success. So I tell mom, "MOMMM, I PEE PEE'D!!" She replies with a laugh, I am still not sure why she was laughing, "Good job honey!"

Then I run back to the pool and clean off.

The Doctor Visit

I called my mom last night to talk/vent. I knew she'd make me feel better and attempt to call my heart. She did.

I mentioned the name of the dr. I was going to see today (friday) and she said, He isn't a neurologist. I thought he was, but in fact she was right, he is an ortho guy. Ortho guys don't diagnose MS.

BUT he was able to calm me down. Here are some of the things he said, not in any order. You do not look like anyone who has MS and I have seen MS patients. You need to stay away from the computer. I was just in a room with a lady who said she needs to go to Florida for treatment and I told her if she really wants the best I can send her to a dr in Arizona not the doctor in Florida. She needs to stay off that computer, it's all horse(beep) anyways. Yea you are right. So my MRI film shows that my neck isn't really that bad. Ya, but sometimes it just takes a little. I have the feeling of a band being wrapped around my arm. Yes, that is something I have seen with people who have bad backs. Look, you can go searching and searching for an MS diagnosis and eventually you could find it if you find the right doctor. You say it enough, to enough dr.s and eventually you will find one THEN you'll be labeled forever with this. (Basically he was saying if I force it I will get a diagnosis that may not be right.) I would get a spinal tap and if it comes back clean, let it go. If in some years you have symptoms, then we can re-evaluate. We have your film so there will be something to compare to. Do you think I could get shots in my neck? Would that help? We can definitely try. I will order those. You don't strike me as the crazy type, so I don't think you're crazy. Now a patient I saw earlier, they were crazy. She came in here with this and that. No I'm NOT crazy I'm just tense. Ya, I can tell. The radiologist said there were 2 spots that could be from migraines, but didn't say it was MS. I was telling a friend that it seems one radiologist may read film one way and another radiologist may read it another. Let me tell you about radiologist. They put us dr's in a bind. They are bound by lawyers. They have to say EVERYTHING they see so they don't get sued. They can never give a definitive answer on anything. They sit behind their desk, drink coffee and just say ALL they see. It really hurts us trying to treat patients. I NEVER read a radiologists report before I look at the film first and come to my own conclusions.

He is betting his chips that everything is disc related.

I go to the neurologist in Sept. He'll be able to figure it all out. We'll see what happens, but in the meantime, I choose to believe him. I choose to believe I'm fine and just have a horrible back. I wanted to ask why swimming bothered me so much, but I forgot. I'm just guessing the twisting of my neck, but I don't know. That's probably a cop out.

I Cried Today

The house was so quiet. That's bad for a person who is a thinker.

I'm a thinker.

It's a quality that has its perks. But it is also a quality that can drive the man you are married to nuts. He says, "Megan, you worry too much." He's right. He's not a thinker. I realized that quality in him later in marriage, and I love it.

I wish I had that quality.

Sitting in the recliner, sick to my stomach. I can't decide, do I need to eat, was it the vitamins I took, is my thinking making me ache or all the above? I'm thinking all the above.

"Megan, you have got to stop!" I tell myself. So I find a little MP3 player my brother in law gave me with a preacher I like on it-Andrew Wommack.

I start to listen.
I can't.
I turn it off.
I contemplate my next move.
I see my phone and grab headphones.
I scan through it.
I go to Andrew's sermons.
I keep scrolling right past him.
I can't listen.
I scroll some more.
I hit a Chris Tomlin song, I Will Rise. It's a doozy, especially with headphones. Most songs are better with headphones, the music goes straight to your head and heart, there's no room for it to get lost on the way.
I listen.
I cry.

I get to the chorus and the last verses, it's the climax of the song and there is an orchestra.
I'm a sucker for orchestras.
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

I cried today. I will probably cry again. I'm a thinker.

Prayer Interrupted

So I've been a really bad blogger lately. It's hard to write when the computer is in Coop's room and the banging on the keys usually wakes him sooner than I'd like.

On Monday, I had a really bad tingling moment. I thought I could swim but apparently I can not. So I was laid up in bed until my PT friend could come help me. I'll talk more about all that later. I go to the neuro on Friday and I will try to discuss the MS thing with him. I do not want it to be that, but it is looking more likely.

Anywhoo, here is Chloe in bed with me while I recovered. Before I got the phone out to tape her I had asked her to pray for mommy. She said, "Dear Geezus, Thank you fer mommy, Aaaamen." It was awesome. Matt said he heard her at the table talking and he said, "Chloe what are you saying." She said, "Pray for Cooper."

But the funny part is at the very end. The praying is sweet, but the reason for posting this is at the end.

Happy Father's Day

So I really needed to post something in order to get rid of the snake everyone, including myself, is frightened of.

To honor my wonderful husband on this our day of honoring our earthly fathers, a tribute to my kids' earthly father.

The daughter who made him a father & stole his heart the moment she came.

(And got him to shave his face.)

Visions of bows, dresses & tutus, he knew were not that far away.

Then came the son, who was a surprise to us all. Cooper is his name & he shall bring love to them all.

One is a boy, one is a girl, no matter the sex, the results are the same.

Unconditional love to them both & this father, he will never be the same.

Snake Thief

This past Thursday and Friday, Matt and I spent every waking moment fishing. It was nice. It was what we did before kids. We'd come home from work, I worked before kids, load up the truck and head off to Pawhuska. We could get a good 3 hours of fishing before it got too dark. On the weekends, we'd bring a light so we could fish into the night. The last time Matt and I fished together, Chloe was just shy of being a year old. That is so long ago feels like, in fishing years.

Thursday we caught a bunch of fish. Friday, the fish were not biting as much. We managed to catch four, put them on a stringer and Matt said, "Keep an eye on those fish so the turtles don't get them."

I can remember Matt saying a while later, "Megan check those fish, it sounds like something is getting them." He could tell because they were thrashing around. I look, "Oh they're just up under the dock." I grab the stringer to pull them out and they don't. I sit there kind of watching them. Then all of the sudden they float out from under the dock and it was then I saw the devil.



Holy cow, did I have a cow. It was the most unbelievable sight I had ever seen. That snake was doing all it could to steal our fish! It took about a minute for it to finally let go and leave. I only filmed a few seconds because it kept looking at me with its wee beedy eyes.

So we spent the evening chasing off snakes and a few turtles. Still, it was a lot of fun.