Thursday, June 25, 2009

I Cried Today

The house was so quiet. That's bad for a person who is a thinker.

I'm a thinker.

It's a quality that has its perks. But it is also a quality that can drive the man you are married to nuts. He says, "Megan, you worry too much." He's right. He's not a thinker. I realized that quality in him later in marriage, and I love it.

I wish I had that quality.

Sitting in the recliner, sick to my stomach. I can't decide, do I need to eat, was it the vitamins I took, is my thinking making me ache or all the above? I'm thinking all the above.

"Megan, you have got to stop!" I tell myself. So I find a little MP3 player my brother in law gave me with a preacher I like on it-Andrew Wommack.

I start to listen.
I can't.
I turn it off.
I contemplate my next move.
I see my phone and grab headphones.
I scan through it.
I go to Andrew's sermons.
I keep scrolling right past him.
I can't listen.
I scroll some more.
I hit a Chris Tomlin song, I Will Rise. It's a doozy, especially with headphones. Most songs are better with headphones, the music goes straight to your head and heart, there's no room for it to get lost on the way.
I listen.
I cry.

I get to the chorus and the last verses, it's the climax of the song and there is an orchestra.
I'm a sucker for orchestras.
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

I cried today. I will probably cry again. I'm a thinker.


  1. I am such a thinker too. I completely understand where you are coming from. My heart goes out to you, especially right now. When there are unknowns, my thinking goes into overdrive, as I can imagine yours is. You're in my prayers constantly.

    And how perfect is that song? I don't think I've ever heard it, but the words are beautiful. I would have cried too. It's okay to cry.

    In answer to your question on my blog - I take the B-12 shots because my levels are really low. My body wasn't absorbing enough of it from my diet so we supplemented with shots. It is like an automatic energy boost. I get them once a month and I can always tell when I need another one.

    Hang in there!

  2. What a coincidence. I'm there. My own special way. Getting ready to make some appointments that could change my life. I have a 'thinking about health issues' post written and ready to post soon. I'm a thinker too. And when you constantly have something reminding you about that which you dont want to think about, its really hard to not think about it.

    So you do. And you stress. And you play out a thousand scenarios in your head. And try to figure out how to quit thinking about it. And drowning out the thoughts with your ipod doesnt work, but at least you've got pretty background music for them. And sometimes... just sometimes you find yourself so engrossed in a song that NOTHING can break your concentration.

    My song: You Never Let Go-- Matt Redman

    Hang in there, girl. Sending you love and prayers from the City.


For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. -Corinthians 5:14