Weekly "I AM"

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." -Lamentations 3:21-23

Outside my window...The sun is waking up and the remnants of last nights rain still remain. The base of the trees still have water to left to drink. The grass got a hair cut and the neighbors annoying chihuahua got out and is 'harassing' the local cat. The dog thinks it could take the cat, but this cat is full of street smarts. The dog, lacking street cred, is going to get hit by a car. Even the cats know to look both ways before crossing.

I am thinking... Oh boy am I thinking. The thoughts going through my head are probably for another post. My last remaining Grandmother died over the weekend. We weren't close and by 'we weren't close' I mean we hadn't spoken in 5 years. Not because of tension or anything of that matter, we just hadn't spoken in 5 years. It's not the fact that we hadn't spoken that is haunting me. It's that I never shared Christ's love with her.  I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. Felt this same way when my Dad's Mom passed. Why is sharing the Gospel with our family so incredibly difficult?

"If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing." - 2 Cor. 4:3

I am planning to cook... I have no idea. I'm ready for cooler weather so that cooking is fun again. Right now it's just too much work and too hot.


I am reading... "Unbroken" It's another book that takes place during WWII. I'm finding this time period completely fascinating. I'm a sucker for a good redemption story.



I am hearing... when I began this post all I heard was the annoying dog yapping at the cat. Now one of three kids has awaken and is watching Cat In The Hat.


I am learning... Learning the hard way to step out and risk it all, risk it all.


I am praying... for my family.

Doctor Humor

Having been put through the financial and mental ringer by various doctors prior to my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis, I thought it would be fun to have some laughs at their expense, free of charge actually.

The following is an excerpt from the letter the neurosurgeon wrote to my insurance company in an effort to 'help' me fight my insurance company. Enjoy!

12/06/05

I would like for her to see Dr. W in Bartlesville who is a psychiatrist to evaluate her probable depression. Additionally, I would like for her to see Dr. D for further evaluation as I do not find any structural cause for her problems. We have ordered some laboratory testing today to see if we can find a metabolic cause for these problems.

I found this letter while cleaning out a file. It cracks me up, now. Depressed? Yea, I was depressed, I couldn't do anything! I thought I was dying! Seriously, something was wrong and I knew depression wasn't the cause. What a dummy.

Moral of my story: Just because they have letters like M.D. or D.O. or FACS or CRAP after their name; doesn't make them very smart. Don't believe everything they say.

Butterflies and Moths

"And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?" -Matthew 6:30

Leaving church a few weeks ago, Chloe spotted this beauty. A Cecropia Moth  Isn't he amazing?! (I say he because after looking at our "Butterflies and Moths" book, we believe this to be a male. Yes, we are nerds like that.)

As I began to look at him, I saw the very hand of God.

His fuzzy antennae are something to see. His head had more hair than C3.

The tips of his wings had a shade of purple even the genius's at Crayola couldn't mimic. The color was not of this world, not of human creation or thought.

The wingtips had perfect circles that imitated eyes to protect it from danger.

This is another great find. The Great Spangled Fritillary. A magnificent butterfly.

It was the underside that took my breath away. A silver color that seemed almost pearlescent, it changed colors in the sun. Each one perfectly spaced from the other. Each one perfectly colored the exact same as the one next to it. Each one shaped as the one opposite it. The perfect butterfly.

As Chloe and I studied our treasures, I couldn't help but notice just how finite the details. My God took enough time to measure the distance between each circle. He took the time to ensure the colour was just so. He took the time to makes sure the fuzzy antennae on the Cecropia were spaced exactly the same, exactly the same!

The hands who formed these formed each one of us! The hands that produced a color no human can replicate, created each one of us. The hands that formed these beautiful creatures, those hands..... were pierced for you and for me.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139:14

Weekly "I AM"

Outside my window... Give you one guess as to what is going on outside my window. (enter Jeopardy music) You guessed it! Nothing! It's too hot!! Ugh, it's just so miserable. I know everyone is sick of hearing about the weather, well, I'm sick of having the weather to talk about! Would much rather say, "Oh it's lovely outside my window."

I am thinking... C1 & C2 start swim lessons tonight. C1 is fired up, even though she doesn't know what swim lessons are.  C2, well, he's C2. We got new neighbors. I think the man is a cop. I'm gonna say the cop car out front is a dead give away, but who knows I could be wrong. I hope he is, this road needs a cop car sitting on it to slow down the 'speed hump jumpers.' I'd like to get a tan, but too hot to lay in the sun. I don't fake bake. Learned my lesson when I got two spots cut out of my body, yes out. I also don't worship the sun like I used to. My Derm gave me a good scare. Lesson: wear sunscreen!

I am planning to cook... I have a soup thing in mind for tonight, but honestly, I have no idea what's for dinner this week. It's too hot to think about it. Going to the store is just too much work in this heat, I can't think straight. It'll be a weird, busy next two weeks with swim lessons each evening.

I am reading... I bought a Corrie Ten Boom book that contains stories of forgiveness. I wish I could have met this woman, she has seen the hand of God. Amazing. Guess we will have plenty of time to chat in Heaven.

I am hearing... Not much because C1 & C2 are at school, and C3 is sleeping. I do have Pandora radio on and The David Crowder Band is singing. I created a Shane & Shane station. The. best. music.

I am learning... I learn every morning how to parent. I feel like I fail miserably every. single. day. But I am trying to forgive more. I say forgive, I really mean forget. I realized I tend to hang on to something the kids did that was wrong. One might call it a grudge. I need to stop putting them on this pedestal of behavior. If I were on a pedestal before God, I'd already have failed. Grace. I have been shown an unspeakable amount of grace. I need to show that to my kids.

I am praying... How to parent the older two. To move closer to Tulsa and for the kids. And for C3 to learn how to sleep without being swaddled.

Her the Sunflower

 "Turn us again to yourself, O God. Make your face shine down upon us."  

-Psalm 80:3

This Spring, which seems like an eternity ago, I let the kids plant bird seed in one of the weed beds flower beds. A few months later, we had two or three little sunflowers peeking through the dirt. Chloe was thrilled. Then a storm with lots of wind tore through and one of our little sunflowers was injured. Her stalk was bent and she was doubled over in pain.

A few weeks pass, and I check on Her. (I call her Her because sunflowers seem like girls or really girly boys in which those are weird.)

What I find when I see Her causes my jaw to drop....

Not only is Her still alive, she has contorted herself to find the sun. She bent and twisted, let the unimportant things die, leaves, in order that the rest may live. In order to fulfill Her duty as a sunflower, she managed to produce a blossom. A testament to Her strength and resilience.

"We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father." -Colossians 1:11-12a

Here Her stands today. She has a scar from the windy battle, but at the point the world tried to knock Her out at the knees, Her is stronger. The place of Her injury is the strongest part of Her body. Her battle wound has healed and she's all the stronger for it. Always seeking Her sun, Our Son, in an effort to fulfill Her purpose as a sunflower; shine bright.

"No one lights a lamp and then puts in under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house." -Matthew 5:15

Weekly "I AM"

Outside my window... If you don't live in Oklahoma or any of the surrounding states, then I will enlighten you to what is happening outside my window; it's hot. It is currently 101F. I can't see outside because the blinds aren't drawn. I normally open them in the mornings but with it being so hot, I leave them down to try and keep in what little cool air we have inside. Living in an old house means old windows which means not energy efficient. I'm ready for the Fall.

I am thinking... There's a few things on my mind. One, I can not get over how hot it is. Two, when will Colbie decide she wants to eat real food. I tried her again yesterday and I will give her some credit, she did try. It was so funny, but she tried. At one point, she leaned forward as if to take a bite, but didn't open her mouth. Then she would open her mouth and stick out her tongue! haha I laughed so hard. Maybe she just doesn't know what she's doing and that's why she won't eat? I bought a different brand of baby food, maybe that will help. I'm ready for the Fall.

Chloe starts school in August and I'm sad. I know most people think I should home school. Yes, it would definitely fit our lifestyle. We need more house space. Yes, I can teach outside or where ever. BUT when you are already on top of each other and then try to teach them, it would be too hard. We need to be able to go to a spot in the house, all of us, to be alone. Right now, I can't even be alone in the bathroom because someone else has to pee or poop (Cooper). I told Matt, with how may days Chloe will miss in the Fall, we might as well home school her! haha  Seriously though, we'll just have to see. We aren't in a place to be able to teach her and teach her well. I need Matt's help and he can't help me when he works in Tulsa. "Day by day," is our motto, not just for Chloe's schooling but with my health. I'm ready for the Fall.

I am planning to cook... A whole lot of nothing. The Crock is cooking tonight. That will last until Wednesday, I hope. After that, probably chicken burgers. If I an avoid heating my house very much in order to eat, will will try not to cook. I'm ready for the Fall.

I am reading... Not much right now. I smoked through "Lost in Shangri-La" and now I don't know what to read. Anyone have a good book. I've been hearing about "The Help." Maybe I'll hunt that down. I normally read Christiany books, but I'm trying to broaden my reading horizons. I am ready for the Fall.

I am hearing... People's Court because I love the Judge. She's awesome.  Colbie is napping but I have a feeling she will wake up in a bit. I'm ready for the Fall.

I am learning... my brain is so hot, it can't think. But one thing I was telling Matt last night, is trying to learn how to parent and parent well. (how many 'Amen's' can I get?)  I tend to gripe at the kids and I hate that. My new approach, which I will have to mentally work at, is going to be to calmly ask them to do X or Y and if they don't, take something away. I'm not sure what I can take away other than toys or cartoons, but I might have to get creative. haha I'm not very creative. I'm ready for the Fall.

I am praying... for Colbie to learn to sleep better at night and for her to eat some food in hopes she will sleep better at night. For moving, and the kids. We always pray for the kids but I told Matt, let's stick to one subject and really pray for it. Right now is kids and all aspect of that. I'm ready for the Fall.

Weekly "I AM"

Outside my window... I see the neighbor has put out his American Flag. It looks really pretty blowing in the wind. It rained last night, so the flowers and trees look a little happier. I'm thankful for my Independence.

I am thinking... about something that happened at church yesterday. It was an amazing moment. Here is the verse that describes the moment. "The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" -Mark 9:24

I'm also thinking that my church is awesome. It's AT THE MOVIES time, so if you live near a campus you should really go visit. Each campus decorates their building in the theme of a movie. Our campus did Cars, another campus did Tron, another Kung Fu Panda. It's just a very fun time in our church.

Kids in front of Mater.

I am planning to cook... it's gonna be a light menu this week. Trying to cook one thing that can go for multiple meals. Last night though, I made Spicy Chicken. I'm telling you, if you were to put P.F. Chang's up next the meal last night, one wouldn't be able to tell the difference between home cooked and Chang's. Tasted just like Chang's. You must make it.

I am reading... I finished "The Ambition" and started on a book that was out of my comfort zone. It was called, "Lost in Shangri-La: A true story of survival, adventure and the most incredible rescue mission of World War II." The book arrived on Wednesday and I had it finished by Friday night. I loved this book. I'm so glad I stepped out of my book box and read this book. It was such a great story. Next up might be the "You Can't Make Me But I Can Be Persuaded." It's a parenting book, which will probably just be scanned for pertinent info, then I'll move on to something else.

I am hearing... Chloe, Cooper and Matt discuss the location of a game. Matt has the day off which is super exciting. We love having him home.

I am learning... I'm not really sure.

I am praying... I'm praying the Mark 9:24 verse.