I Am A Sinner

Our church, lifechurch.tv, began the Daniel Fast on January 3.

Background: The Daniel Fast is based from Daniel chapter 10. In that he says, he had "no choice foods." Which in my interpretation means, no meat, dairy, sweets etc. Basically all that tastes yummy. We can have nuts, fruit and veggies and water only.

Before the fast began, I started thinking about my days and what they consist of.

-Get up; reluctantly.
-Go to the bathroom and do all bathroom related steps; reluctantly.
-Feed kids; reluctantly. (Not because I don't want them to eat, but they are so stinking picky I just hate messing with it.)
-Change Cooper's poop; reluctantly.
-Make a pot of coffee and devour it; happily.
-Put kids to bed for nap; happily.
-*Sit on my butt and read; happily.
-*Take a nap; happily.
-Make another pot of coffee to be devoured; happily.
-Wake kids up; reluctantly.
-Cook dinner; reluctantly. (Again, picky kids make for annoying dinner time because I refuse to cook them something special.)
-Put kids to bed; happily.
-Talk to Matt; happily. (That is if he's awake.)
-Go to bed; happily.

*Those two interchange depending on how my night went with Colbie.

Ok, that's a rough, very rough schedule for my day.

What's missing?....................................................................................................................................

GOD!!

Yep, I'm a loser to the inth degree. (Whatever that saying is.)

Before I gave up the coffee, I realized how much I love my warm drinks ie, coffee, chai, hot chocolate, tea.

I love the time when kids are in bed and I drink something warm.

See the problem here? I should be saying, "I love the time when kids are napping and I'm so into the Word I forget where I am." or "I love the time when the kids are napping and I'm hearing God whisper and I listen."

Nope, none of that happening very often here.

So today, when I prepared a cup of coffee and drank it, I broke. I broke as a woman, I broke as a wife, I broke.

I failed.

I'm not strong without Christ. I see that. I can't go about my days yearning for nap time unless I am going to yearn to be with the Lord.

I'm still fasting from choice foods, although that seems petty when I drink coffee. I'm going to support my husband because I feel he needs this time to hear what the Lord is saying or whispering to him. I will prepare our meals according to Daniel 10. I will prepare our snacks according to Daniel 10. I will send my husband out the door in the morning with ammo (proper snacks) to get through his day. He's holding strong, seeking and listening.

It's been two days (I'm post dating this) and I failed.

I'm embarrassed to write this. I hope I am seen as a sinning human and not as a Christ follower who is a liar. I hope you can see my heart as a woman who loves God.

So will you see me with a cup of coffee? I have to tell the truth, yes. BUT you will see me in the word during naptime while I drink my cup of coffee.