Saturday, January 8, 2011

Why I'm Wretched

I have been in generally a bad mood since January 3, 2011.

Matt and I began fasting. By Tuesday, I had caved, when it comes to coffee. I couldn't hack it, as I've said previously. Now Matt? He's solid, he is not wavering. (I am fasting from meat, cheese and all sweets. He's fasting from everything but fruit, veggies, whole grains & water.)

I am so impressed and humbled by what Matt has accomplished thus far. If you know my husband, he is weak when it comes to the coffee and donut diet. Oh, he admits this fault wholeheartedly. He loves his after dinner dessert. When you marry a Knox boy, it's part of the territory; dessert after dinner.

I have learned in these past few torturous days, and I'll explain why I use the word torturous in a minute. But I have learned how I show my love to Matt.

I bake.

When I'm feeling all "5 Love Language" ish. I run to the kitchen, bust out my sweet Wilton ingredient bowl, butter, sugar and usually the hand mixer. I don't own a KitchenAid, yet. We don't have the room. And I begin whipping up something yum & usually unhealthy, but oh so yum.

So showing my love to my husband this week has been kind of difficult for me, I must admit. Matt's love language is touch, but seeing as I'm just six weeks postpartum........ you catch my drift.

While I was preparing our dinner of roasted red potatoes and 'fried' cabbage, on Friday night, I was complaining in my heart to God. This is basically how it went.... enjoy the rawness.

"God, hi, yeah, it's me again, umm as you know this is the second time this week, we have had roasted red potatoes and 'fried' cabbage and although it's super tasty, I'm a little over this fasting thing. If you would, I'd really appreciate if you'd do something for me. As you know, he read most of your man, Bill Hybels book Whisper, so I'm pretty sure he got enough of it to hear you say something... So if you don't mind, could you 'whisper' to him that he can end this fast. I mean, I'm a little put out by this, as you probably already know."

"Well Megan, are you listening?"

"Umm, only if you have good things to say."

"Oh it's good, you just may not like it."

"Ok, hit me with it."

"You ask your husband to be the spiritual leader in your family. When you pray, I hear you ask me to 'spur him on.' I've heard your prayers for his walk with me. I've been listening. When he began the book by, how did you say, 'my man' Billy, you asked me to whisper to him. Well Megan, I did and I am. He is staying on this fast. He needs to. You asked him to, you just didn't realize it. You want a leader, let him lead and quit complaining you wretched woman." (Ok so God didn't call me wretched, it's just how I felt.) "So really Megan, this is your fault, I just answered your prayers."

Then God laughed, I giggled and I put the potatoes in the oven for the second time that week.

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For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. -Corinthians 5:14