2010 Realization

A few days prior to the New Year, I went back and read some of my posts from 2008. It was then that I realized something...

... this girl is funny!

As I was reading through the older posts, I was laughing at what this stranger was saying and how she was saying it. I thought, "I like this girl. I want to be her friend." I kept reading, kept laughing, enjoying what all she had to say, wanting to write like her. Then I realized something...

... this 'girl' is ME!

I began to mope.

In August, my life changed. Life as I knew it became more serious, more fragile. I haven't learned how to balance its fragility with laughter. I haven't learned to let go of the seriousness and laugh. I haven't been able to find the humor that comes with life's challenges and life's changes.

I am searching for the girl that was funny, for the girl that wrote silly posts about farting in the tub, losing her ability to whistle, evil squirrels, kids and psychopathic grandmas. That girl is still sitting here, she is just lost within herself.

She will be back. She will be funny again. And it is then that we can all gather around, hold hands and sing Kumbaya.