Wednesday, February 13, 2008

God is a Comedian

As most of you know, Matt tore his Achilles two weeks ago. These past two weeks have been very difficult for me. I have been harboring some undeserved resentment towards Matt b/c he is unable to help me around the house.

Last night, I reached the end of my "servant wife" rope and had had enough. I am ashamed to admit it. I am such a sinner!

I go to bed angry (which we try to make it a point to never do that) and therefore I can't sleep. Well, there were a plethora of reasons as to why I couldn't sleep, but the main one was anger/ my feelings were hurt.

I lie in bed for 1 1/2 hours, and then decide to take it to the couch; I just can't sleep in the same bed. Again, do not hold it against me for my sins.

I have to get up at 2:00am b/c Chloe is crying. (She's teething) I hold her, love on her, medicate her and go back to the uncomfortable couch. 4:45am rolls around and our Joy is crying again. This time I protest. Matt crutches in there and I comment from the couch, "Don't give her any Tylenol." She informed him that she is hungry. He feeds her applesauce and the crutches into the living room to ask why I am on the couch. In my mind I thought, "Oh, he feels bad, yea." I tell him I couldn't sleep and my feelings are hurt. (Remember I am a sinner and I am pregnant and I have the right to act like a 3 year old every now and again. Every one of you knows you have wanted to sleep on the couch or in the spare bedroom a time or two. I couldn't go to the spare bed b/c we sold it in a garage sale.)

He said, "Come back to bed." So I did.

I wasn't able to go to sleep until 6:00am when Matt got up for work.

After talking/ venting to a friend, I decided I needed some Jesus intervention on my behalf. I want to serve my husband w/ a Christ-like attitude, I guess the human side of me just wants a little appreciation every once in a while.

I'm going through Beth Moore's study Breaking Free. It's a good one for those of us who have issues! (That's me) Today's hit me square in between the eyes like I was Goliath, thankfully no one cut off my head.

Here's part of the verse she based today off of,

"Foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord to serve him..." Isa. 56:6a

Could I feel like more of a failure?! WOW! I keep on through the study, kind of laughing in the back of my mind b/c today's study is for me at this time. She is talking about finding God's peace and breaking free of things that hinder us from finding/ having it.

Beth says, "When Satan takes perfect aim at our 'Achilles heel,'..."

"Hmmm, I hear ya loud and clear God." He (Satan) did too huh? Perfect aim at my family and my attitude! I mean! He got Matt where it hurt and in turn got me too; perfect aim. Now I have to let God take perfect aim at my heart and serve my man and be proud of what I have to offer. If he doesn't see it, it will be ok b/c I am not doing it "for" him, I'm doing it for HIM!!

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For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. -Corinthians 5:14