When I got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I can remember the look the doctor had on his face. He looked me in the eye and all I heard was, "Yes." I'm sure he had more to say, but the yes was all I needed to hear. I had received the answer to all my questions; life could proceed.
Since that day, I have tried to embrace the diagnosis. I have tried to believe all this tingling, loss of use of my arm, inability to exercise... has a purpose. I would tell myself those things, but if I am being honest, I was trying to con myself, which is hard to do.
Two weeks ago, I had a flare which got me a lovely IV line in my arm and a body full of steroids. I wrote that I knew God had a plan for that day and that it was by no accident I was there.
Come two weeks later, and I feel this overwhelming need, a desire maybe, to be happy. To scream, "Thank you JESUS!!" I feel like I am so lucky, honored perhaps, to have something that makes me want to draw near to Him. Daily, I go to Him for strength, daily I need Him to help me through. I have spent the past two weeks just listening to Him gently teaching me. And oh how I am learning!
I pray for healing. Matt prays for healing. We both agree that we would love for my body to be back to the way it were. We also agree, wholeheartedly, we don't want healing if this is His plan for our lives. Yes, I said it.
I don't want healing if this is what my story is supposed to be.
In The Hiding Place, Corrie and her sister Betsie are being held in a German prison. The 'bed' is infested with fleas. Betsie tells them they need to be thankful for the fleas, but Corrie finds them a difficult thing to be thankful for. While there, they are able to share the Gospel with their fellow prisoners. The guards wouldn't enter the area. The sisters come to realize the guards would not enter because of the fleas. They became so thankful for the fleas God provided so they could provide Hope to the women.
"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I am thankful for my fleas. I am thankful for my scars.
If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend. It's a story that makes you look within yourself. A story of redemption during a time of death, anger, darkness, fear, loss of hope; World War II This woman chose to rise above and stay true to her God.
**The Hiding Place was book 7 of my goal of #26in52**
Thank you Megan.
ReplyDeleteI love that book. It's one of my favorites. You're such an inspiration Megan.
ReplyDelete