A Realization...

I just gone done eating a small portion of my Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream that I was attempting to save for after dinner. I failed, miserable. I didn't eat it all though. I did, however, email this picture to Matt just to let him know what I was doing. (Mean huh? Yea, I'll hear about it tonight I'm sure.)

I'm eating my ice cream and watching Bob Ross paint. Have you ever seen Bob Ross paint? He's the white guy with an afro who talks and makes sounds while he's painting. Some might find it annoying, but I enjoy him. He'll say, "and maybe a little tree lives here." or "I think a rock is here and maybe a little house, with a family is here. Ya, they live in this little home in the forest, with a path that leads to only they know where."

(Here is good ol' Bob. I believe he has since passed away.)

That's his style. I sat there watching and like I always do when he's fixing to 'mess up' his hard work, I get nervous. I see him put a huge black streak down the perfect sky and I think, "Oh no! He just made it ugly. How is he going to 'fix' that?" He doesn't mess anything up at all, but to me the non-painter, it looks ruined for about 15 seconds. Then sure enough, a tree does live there and in fact, the painting looks better with that little tree.

Why can't I handle those 15 seconds? Chaos my friends, it's chaos! It's that same feeling that keeps me from shopping the big bargain stores or garage sales. I can't handle the mess, the clutter, the feeling of not knowing. I have come to this realization since living in Bartlesville. We recently got a 1/2 off 1/2 Name Brand Clothing Store. I went in there one time and will never go back, I don't care if things are free. If I have to search for the free items, I will not enter. It's just too chaotic.

I've learned that my parent's divorce, my sophomore year of college, made me this way. My life was chaos for a good year or so. When your whole being, your whole sense of security is stripped away, one tends to not lean towards chaos. Not I anyways.

Therefore, I will probably never paint like Bob Ross or find really great deals, but while you're digging through chaos to save $2.00. I'm just going to go to Wal-Mart and get it and go and save myself the panicky feeling.

A slightly random post, but what can I say. ;)