Silence

We took Chloe Joy to mama and papa's house last night; aka Matt's parents. She's going to stay with them for a couple of days. (Wahoo!) Our plan was to work on the house to sell, but since that is possibly put on hold, I plan on sleeping, cuddling with Cooper and then sleeping some more. Thankfully, I'm blessed with children who have my 'could sleep anytime anywhere gene' because Cooper slept until 9:30 this morning, which is typical. (Don't be jealous, it took some work.)

So Chloe's gone, I'm home alone, thinking and looking at random people's blog. This one led me to another, which I can not find again.

The couple lost their 10 week old baby boy, to what I can only guess was SIDS. (That is pure speculation.)

I start reading and thinking and crying.

I finally click on the button that saves me from reading anymore heartache; the 'Close' button.

I then go to Cooper, who is playing on the floor, squealing because his hawk like senses felt me walk into the room.

He lifts up his head, looks at me, "Hey buddy." I say with a huge smile.

I lay beside him, he turns and looks right into my eyes and giggles.

I begin to sob.

I can hear Marilyn Milian from People's Court in the background, but it doesn't faze me; I'm still crying.

I'm crying out of sadness for people I don't even know. I'm crying because one of the loves of my life is lying next to me laughing because one of the loves of his life is lying next to him.

I rub his bald, but yet huge, head and thank God I am still able to raise him because at any moment God could take back what is rightfully His; not mine.

As tears begin to roll, Cooper begins to giggle. I wipe my eyes and begin to smile. He knows nothing.

I pick him up, lifting with my legs not my back, crawl into the recliner, hold his naked body against my not naked body and rock; he falls asleep. I turn the TV off and then there's...

...silence.