Merry Christmas

Four Weeks Old

Goodness has time flown by since Colbie was born! She will be 4 weeks old on Christmas Eve. I can't believe it. The past four weeks have been a blur. I have had every intention of blogging, in fact I have posts written in my head. As soon as I sit down to write them, this little girl demands to be held. I comply. We go to the recliner and she forces me to nap with her.

Wordless Wednesday

A Chapter Complete

When we found out we were pregnant with Chloe, we were surprised. When we found out we were pregnant with Cooper, we were surprised. When we found out we were pregnant with the third, we weren't surprised.

Before I got diagnosed with the MS, we knew we wanted more kids. Cooper was nine months old when my symptoms reared their ugly head.

When I got diagnosed, it never occurred to us that we would not have any more children. I knew that in prior pregnancies all the unexplained symptoms I was having would disappear without explanation. I always felt great while pregnant. It wasn't until later did I connect the dots.

When Colbie was born, the moment she came out, face up I might add, I realized all the tears, worries, jabs in the legs with a needle, MRI's, tingling, numbness... All that would get most people down and make them fearful, didn't phase us one bit. We knew adding a third person to this family was what we were supposed to do. So when I saw her and heard her for the first time, it was like a chapter in this book had been finished. And my oh my was it a looong chapter, but one that needed to be written, one that was the turning point of the whole book. Without that tumultuous chapter the rest of the book wouldn't be as good.

So many things came to pass at 4:10 am on November 26. I felt, and still feel, like we had stuck it in the devil's eye and glorified God that day. We obeyed His command, we didn't give in to the fears, we did what we had to do and lookie what we got.

Sunny Side Up

The day before Thanksgiving, Wednesday, I had my weekly doctor appointment. Matt and I discussed at length if we wanted the doctor to strip my membrane. We knew Dr. S would not be on call until Saturday at midnight, so we planned to wait until Monday or Tuesday, make an appointment and have her do it then.

I'm laying on the table, while the dr does the weekly ultrasound. I begin telling her my plan. As soon as I mention Monday or Tuesday, she interrupts and informs me she will be out all of the week following Thanksgiving due to having surgery. I realized my window of having her deliver this baby was very small but I was going to change the plans and shoot for the weekend.

So I had her strip me and figured it wouldn't take until maybe Friday night. Well it took and it took Thanksgiving morning. The contractions hit at 4 am almost on the dot and they were every 7-8 minutes, but pretty painful. I decided to get up, get a shower, pack our bags and get stuff straightened. I knew once they started in a rhythm they weren't stopping.

We had plans to go to my Dad's for Thanksgiving dinner. He lives just a few miles from the hospital. We dropped the kids off with him and headed to the hospital just to see if anything was happening. Since 4 am the contractions would get closer, then would further apart, but they were getting progressively stronger.

We roll in around 3pm. They check me and I'm a 2cm and 80%. Not what I wanted to hear because that's what I was at the doctor just the day before, but I was having lots of bloody show. The nurse said I could stay and she'd check me in an hour. The hour went by, contractions are getting intense enough I have to breathe through them. She checks me; no change. We decide I will walk the halls and they'll check in another hour or two. We walk. Contractions still pretty painful, and only require me to stop and breathe. I get checked again; nothing. So we continue walking. The contractions are so strong now, I can not stand through them. I have to squat on the ground or lean on a counter. They were so painful. I begin to lose it. I can not control the crying. I'm crying because I'm hurting and crying because no one wants to help me feel better.

By now it's nearly 7pm and I can have no meds until I show progress. A new nurse comes on her shift. I have a glimmer of hope. "Maybe a new set of hands will feel something different than the other lady." She tells me to get on a ball, so I reluctantly do. I sit, cry a little and rock. My mom calls, I cry some more. She tells me to get angry at the contractions. So I decide that's sounds like a great approach and it was. I got pissed with each one and with each one I felt a little stronger.

Then the nurse comes in, it's do or die. She says I'm a 3 maybe a 4 and around 90%!!

Great news! Now call the anesthesiologist.

By 8:30p, I had my epidural and I was able to relax.

The night goes on and I predict the birth to be around 4 or 5 am Friday. That would be 24 hours of labor, which is standard for me. Chloe was 24 and Cooper was 23.

Around 3:30am, the nurse checks and I'm almost a 10. She manages to 'accidentally' break my water and I say, "Well, I bet I have her by 4am!" The nurse looks at me, smiles and says, "Well, it might be more like 5. I still have to get the doctor here and get some stuff ready." Then she walks out. The very next contraction, I felt something funny. I felt like something was trying to get out of me. I look at my mom she asks if I need to push and it kind of felt like I did. Then the next contraction hit and I knew, she was coming.

The nurse comes in, looks and says she can see the head. I start pushing at 4 and it seems to be taking a long time and a lot of effort. I feel like I'm pushing super hard and nothing is happening. I later learned the doctor was letting me stretch out.

I push one more time and literally Colbie pops out. I mean seriously. If there had been a noise, it would have 'popped.' At the time I didn't realize, but she came out looking at me. The doctor called it 'sunny side up.'

My theory is the contractions were so painful because of her position. I was in a lot of pain through out the pregnancy. My stomach still hurts to this day in the spot where the contractions were the most painful; just above my hip flexors.

She comes out screaming and trying to suck her fingers. It was awesome. They weigh her and she's 5 pounds 13 ounces, by far our tiniest baby. Chloe was 6# 7 and Coop was 7# 11.

After she was born and the gunk was out of me, I changed into my Annie and Isabel gown. Isn't it cute! I'm wearing the Annie. I received so many compliments on my gown.


So there you have it, at least most of it.

Colbie Grace

Here she is!

Colbie Grace

Born November 26, 2010

5 lbs & 13 oz

I promise to post the birth story soon.

Semi Wordless Wednesday

I was hoping I'd be sharing a picture of our brand new baby girl, but she is being very stubborn. So I'll share pictures of Chloe and Cooper when they were little. Coop is 6 months and Chloe is around 4 months.

Wordless Wednesday

(I did not take this picture.)

Cooper's Obsession

We went on vacation with some friends over Fall Break. The little boy of the family we went with had trains, specifially Thomas and Percy.

Cooper discovered Noah's stash of trains and without a doubt planned on keeping both of them had no one else been around. At night we had to take Percy away so Noah could have him to sleep with, I thought we were going to have to find a Wal-Mart, which would was over 2 hours away, to buy a replacement so the boy would stop crying. It was insane! I have never seen him act this crazy about something before, well, as long as you don't count when he found Noah's Woody Doll.

Sidenote: I realized my kids don't have toys.
Sidenote: Christmas will be better this year kids, mom promises. I will buy you toys.

The Monday we were home, I took Cooper to Wal-Mart and bought the boy a train. James, he's vain but lots of fun.

James leaves Cooper's side only for church and school. I think Coop might have forgotten how to use his fingers because his hands are always taken with James and James' car that attaches via a magnet. (It's a two piece deal.) To say he is in love with trains would be an understatement. He will play all by himself, pushing his James back and forth making train noises, I'm not sure how to spell the noise he makes, and yelling, "Alllll aboard!!"

Matt and I check on him before we go to bed. There are many nights when Coop has James in a death grip or is sleeping on top of him.

Soooo needless to say, Cooper is getting Thomas stuff for Christmas. Thanks for making my job easy buddy.

Baby Update

By the time this posts this picture will be about 2 weeks old.

So I am, at posting, about 2.5 weeks away! People ask if I think I'll go early. I have no idea. It wasn't until recently that we found a bassinet. I didn't want her to come before the 16th because we haven't paid for the epidural yet! I was told, "No pay? Good luck."

I went to the doctor last week and I was dialated to a 1. Not that that's anything extravagent, but it's something.

So now we are just waiting. I'm not in a hurry; yet. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Christmas Cards

Every year, well since we began procreating, we have sent out a Christmas card or a "Happy New Year" card. I will write the letter, usually it's the first draft, don't tell my H.S. English teacher, find some cutesy paper, make a photo card, spend gobs of money on stamps and send them out, hoping everyone who reads it will get my humor and hear my voice. Sending out those cards can be a tad bit overwhelming only because I'm a procrastinator, but when I finish, I find much joy sharing our family's ups and downs with people we care about.

In Ecuador there are many unsponsored Compassion International children who would love to receive a Christmas card from someone, anyone. They would love to read how Jesus loves them. They would love to read what you do for fun. They would love to read about you and your family!

This year DaySpring (a card maker) and Compassion International are joining forces to bring you "A Christmas Card Drive of Epic Proportions!"

As Americans we put 2 months worth of family picture taking, letter writing, picture card creating, paper finding etc. into our yearly letter. DaySpring has made it so easy and CHEAP!!

I went to this website and began creating my card.

-I picked my design.

-Put a picture of my family on the front and wrote "Feliz Navidad from the Knox Family/ Matt, Megan, Chloe, Cooper & Baby Knox."

-Then on the inside left. I wrote a letter. In it, I mentioned our excited for Jesus' birthday. I said, "Matt, the father, works out of the home. Megan, that's me, I am the mom and I stay home with Chloe and Cooper."

I went on to say what Chloe and Cooper love to do, their ages and that we were expecting another child in December. I told them I was thankful for them and happy they got my card and on and on until I ran out of space.

-The right side I left blank so a translator would have the space to translate my English into Spanish for the child.

-Then on the back I added a picture of the kids with the caption "We Love You!"

-Added to cart

-Paid 2.99 (no shipping needed) I created a folded card, hence the 2.99. I wanted room for the translator, but you can create a flat card for 1.99!

Compassion and DaySpring are traveling to Ecuador to hand deliver these cards! (Hence the no shipping charge.)

We sponsor a little girl in Ecuador, so this is dear to my heart. A card you make could go to someone she knows! The card I make could go to someone she knows!

I would ask you to please at least go to this site, mosey around and check it out and then of course splurge the 2.99 and make a card. It took me 20 minutes and that was with kids yelling in my ear.

http://www.studiodayspring.com/cardbasket_view/?basket_id=160

The "incourage" button on my side bar is where I originally heard about this.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Rocks

We just got back from a mini vacation to Arkansas with some friends. We stayed in a cabin on the Little Buffalo River. Had a fantastic time!

While there, we did a lot of exploring. The boys did more than I. I'm too large to be hiking all over the place, even though I really wanted to.

On our last morning, the boys took us to a spot on the river where the water pools.

As it leaves the pool, the water runs over a bunch of rocks and carries on its way.

I decided I would cross over the rocks to fish on the other side of the pool. As I was crossing, I was taking note of the rocks.

The rocks ranged in various sizes and colors. But they all had one thing in common; smooth.

Over time, the water of the Little Buffalo, has shaped these rocks into the intricate shapes they are today. They all are touched by the same waters, but these touches effect them in different ways.

I thought it the same about my relationship with God. I am shaped by the same God as you. The way the water, God, shapes you over time is completely different than how He shapes me. Even though we are in the same river, feeling the same water.

God cares enough about each individual rock that when He passes the water over them, He decides their details. "I want this rock to look like this." "I want this rock to feel like this." "I want this rock to have ripples." "I want this one to have a hole that might look odd to my people, but to me it's perfection."

And so forth, he decides their features.The detail He puts in every single rock on the Little Buffalo, He puts in us!

"I want you, Megan, to this experience." "I want you, Megan, to feel smooth, but with this color." "I want you, Megan, to......" And so forth, he decides my features, my experiences.

So as I was stepping on each stone, big and small, I took note of what God is doing in each rock, realizing over time, they will continue to change.

The same goes for me. As the water of life flows over me, I will change daily and hopefully into the beautiful "rock" He visions.

"Cook Me" Recipes

Now that the weather is cooling off, I have been feeling the urge to cook again. This hibernation during the summer happens every year, well since having kids and well since I realized the heat is what bugs my MS.

When I need a recipe, I go to www.tastykitchen.com I always find something that looks easy to make. The problem is mustering the courage and strength to fight the constant masses at Wal-Mart. blah.

I don't normally talk about food here, for many reasons really. One being I am a wife who likes to cook for her husband, not for others because I'm scared they will hate my food. Two, it's food and I'm highly unqualified to talk about food. BUT there are times when I run across a recipe or two that need to be shared with the world.

Here is one of them.

Chicken Cashew Lettuce Wraps

I have made PF Chang's lettuce wraps many many times and every time they are super tasty, along with being crazy easy. Then I ran across this little gem of a recipe. I tweeked it just a tad when it came to cooking the chicken. And I cooked rice along with having the option for lettuce because sometimes I don't like to be messy when I eat. I'm not a hands on eater, never have been.

We did not offer this to the kids because I didn't want them to waste it and we added the red chili sauce so it was spicy. So good and easy. OH the recipe says it makes 6. Matt and I ate it all.

The next recipe you have to make is.....

Buffalo Chicken Burgers

I must admit, when I first stumbled upon this recipe I was thinking "ground chicken?! BLAH!" Just the thought of it makes me dry heave, for real. BUT the buffalo sauce is what drew me in. It had me at buff and then hello.

I had a hard time finding ground chicken, but my wonderful meat market guy grounded that chicken for me.

I halved the recipe because again, we did not offer the kids this meal. They aren't burger kids and its kind of spicy. It was fine for us but might be too much for a child. You could probably not add buffalo sauce to their burger and it would be just fine. I dipped my burger in ranch and then the next bite I dipped in blue cheese dressing.

Beef burgers are for those seeking a heart attack. I am a chicken burger convert. The recipe said you could grill the burger, but mine were kind of crumbly. I was afraid they'd fall through the slates, so I tossed them on a cast iron at a higher heat so they'd get a crust on the outside. Paired it with some chips and that was dinner! I made the patties a few hours before dinner so they could rest.

You can tell with how awful that post is in composition and wording that I am not cut out to be a food blogger. But I will power through the awkwardness to bring a few dinner ideas.

Wordless Wednesday

Anniversary Honors

I've been married to this for 8 glorious years!

Book 'Whisper'

I've been on this reading binge lately.

I recently finished Whisper by Bill Hybels.

He spoke at lifechurch.tv what seems like yesterday, but upon further digging, I think it was in 2008! That seems like an eternity ago!

When he spoke, his message (I hyperlinked Bill's message, go watch it.) was on the topic of hearing whispers from God. I can remember hearing that message & being completely drawn in to what he was saying. I walked away that day totally blown away by what he had to say.

Jump ahead to September 2010. I was needing a book to read. I was going crazy with not having something while the kids napped. My pastor, Craig Groeschel, wrote some reviews on books he had recently read. One was title 'Sun Stand Still.'

The author, Steven Furtick, recently spoke at our church, Craig raved about the book, so I thought I'd buy it. Denied! It hadn't released yet. (It has released now, here.)

Side note: When you're on Amazon, they often recommend books you might like or books others that bought the same book as you also liked.

One of those recommended books was 'Whisper.'

Still not making the connection to the message I heard years prior, I bought the book.

The day it arrived I was so excited. I made some coffee, heated the corn bag, demanded the kids take a nap, and retired to the recliner for a few chapters.

The first couple of pages tell a story of Bill as a young boy and his teacher reads the story of Samuel thinking he hears Eli calling for him. Read Samuel 3

It wasn't Eli, it was the Lord.

As soon as I hit the page where his teacher is reading the story, it hit me.

I remembered the message! I was so excited! This book is that message, but more in depth. I love this book.

"When have you heard a whisper from heaven and how did you respond?" He tossed that question out to his congregation, but it hit me square between the eyes.

I guess the one whisper that pops into my head instantly was getting our Compassion Child. I can remember that voice in my head, telling me what I should do. I can remember. I'll never forget it. It was like my legs became concrete pillars, I knew if I left the church that day I would regret it.

I knew if I got a child I would be listening to God. Now I see it was a whisper, although that day, I think it was more of a loud whisper. haha

Without sharing Bill's story, he does share a poem he received and I want to share it also. It has changed me as a mom, a wife and a Christ follower.

Oh! give me Samuel's ear,

An open ear, O Lord,

Alive and quick to hear

Each whisper of Thy Word;

Like him to answer to Thy call

And to obey Thee first of all.

-James Drummond Burns "Hushed Was the Evening Hymn"

Baby Sister

I thought I'd just update anyone that reads this on baby number 3. Or Baby Sister, as she's known to Chloe. Or Nameless Baby In My Belly, as she's known on Twitter. Or Baby#3.

Baby #3 is doing great! She is a very busy individual. I honestly do not know when she sleeps. I wake up in the night to use the bathroom and she makes sure to give me a good heave ho right into my ribs or bladder.

Names. We have been trying and trying to come up with a name. I think we have it, but I'm not 100% sure. Even when I am sure, I haven't decided if I am going to share or not.

I know I have made and do make fun of people who decide not to share the name, but it's been kind of cool not knowing who she is yet. By that I mean, we don't even know who she is, but God does and I find that very neat.

We don't have a bed/crib or a bassinet, which is fine. Not worried about it. She has a car seat, so that's most important really. At least we can bring her home! haha

But her name, shall remain a mystery, even to us. I can say it will most likely start with C.

My Storehouse Is Full

Went to the grocery store today. I got a lot of food. My cupboards were full, fridge was stocked and I even bought some tasty sweets for me during the kid's naptime.

While unloading the groceries, I thought about all the children in Pakistan that are literally starving.

(This is gonna get real. Matt doesn't like to talk about this stuff because it hurts his heart. It hurts mine to, so much I cry, BUT not talking about it doesn't fix OR help. We can not stick our heads in the sand, avoid the news and say, "Oh really? Didn't know." We are obligated to help.)

I read a story, here is a blip,

Suhani Bunglani fans flies away from her two baby girls as one sleeps motionless while the other stares without blinking at the roof of their tent, her empty belly bulging beneath a green flowered shirt. Their newborn sister already died on the ground inside this steamy shelter at just 4 days old, after the family's escape from violent floods that drowned a huge swath of Pakistan. Now the girls, ages 1 and 2, are slowly starving, with shriveled arms and legs as fragile as twigs.

Make you sick to your full stomach? Yep, it had the same effect on me.

The debate I'm having as I write this is, "Do I post a picture of one of these kids or spare you the pain it will cause your heart?" I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure you'll get it otherwise. But we'll see.

A woman loses her newborn because she has no food to nourish herself so she can nurse! We live in a world where I complain about no pumpkin puree at the store, when thousands of miles away a woman is covering her child because it died from starvation!

I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty. I'm not. That is not my intentions. My intentions are to bring this to light. To shine a spotlight on it. I was unaware the flooding in Pakistan was so severe. Why was I unaware? Because I refused to read, I didn't want to be sad.

Well, sad sad things happen. Some things we can't change and some things we can try to change.

This is becoming lengthy and for that I'm only barely sorry.

I went to bed last night asking myself how can I help? Well, I found it this morning. It dropped right into my lap, so I knew I had to help.

I'm dropping it right into your lap so you too can help.

I donated on the governments website.

I donated $5.00. $5.00!! You can also donate $10 or $40.

Here is the site. Once there if you scroll down it will tell you where your money will go.

Here is another site that lists all the organizations that are helping and how you can donate to them if you'd prefer.

All I ask is you donate.

Now go! (I went ahead and hyperlinked two organizations. If you click above where it says, "Here is another site." That has a bunch of org's with websites and phone numbers to donate.)

Red Cross

Save The Children

A Letter

Have you ever noticed how Paul greeted people in his letters, the sincerity, the passion? Notice how his love of Christ oozed from the words he wrote?

The way he wrote the salutation in his letters, "Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." Eph. 1:3

I got oozed on the other day.

I opened a letter from my Compassion child's pastor, Juan.

"Dear Friends,

I kindly greet you in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. May you succeed in your personal life and at home with your family!"

As I was reading Pastor Juan's words, I could feel the rawness of his love for Christ. I could feel his passion for his community, for the kids.

Then a few weeks later, our first letter from our child arrived! I was giddy with excitement.

Our child is three, so she obviously didn't pen the letter, but her father did.

When Matt read the letter, he looked at me and said, "Do you realize this letter came from the hands of our child's father?!"

Honestly, I didn't think that far. But he was right! He held that letter as he wrote in pencil the words he wanted to say to us. He shared his appreciation for us albeit all in Spanish, but someone translated for us below Santiago's words.

On the back someone drew a tree. I love this tree.

As hesitant as I was to get a Compassion Child, it's the best thing we've done in a long time.

I encourage you to go to their site and sponsor a child.

Don't have the money? Yeah, we didn't either. We eliminated the people that come and spray our lawn for weeds. How much was that? The exact amount we pay for our child!

Go check out their site.

www.compassion.com

Car Spotting

Chloe is very observant, as most kids are I guess. But it's the things she observes and remembers that is so amazing to me.

Chloe can recall things from when she was two. I find that fascinating. The littlest things, she remembers.

But it's the things she observes that got me thinking and paralleling. I like to parallel things into a good blog post.

Driving around town, Chloe always talks about how cute cars are. I notice a car's cuteness, like how stunning the Bumblebee Chevy Camaro is that resides in my town. Or the automatic door closing minivans I see in the school parking lot.

Chloe notices cars to, but not like I do.

She notices cars sitting in lots waiting to be fixed. She notices the color of the car, not the fact that it is missing a bumper, mirrors and the whole left side is rusty. She notices cars that I find yucky. She sees them and as she says, "So cute, Mom."

I realized something during one of these car spotting moments.

Chloe notices the cars I never see. And I notice the cars she never sees.

How does that equate to my Christian walk?

Do I overlook the people that are missing a bumper. Do I overlook the people who are rusty. Do I overlook the people who have a few dents and scratches and dings. Do I overlook the people who have been driving down the road less traveled and have the scars to prove it?

Chloe doesn't overlook those cars.

Does she see the people I miss? Will she continue to see the 'cars' that no one else may take a second look at?

I have a lot to learn from this 4 year old.

Job

I often look at the sky and am so overwhelmed with amazement, I don't want to stop looking. I want to soak it in, the colors, the smells, the aliveness it has as the sun is setting. I stop for a moment, but a moment doesn't seem long enough. I want to stand there forever, letting the world pass me by, as they miss out on the 'show' put on by the Artist.

I often look at the sky during a storm. The lightening bolts go to and fro. They have a mission, they've been told where to go. I listen to the rumble of the thunder, sometimes I feel it in my heart and my feet. I smell the air, it has a taste, a taste that always precedes the rain. I want to capture it all and save the images, feelings and the smell forever. I listen to the Concertmaster entertain us with His sounds, I listen for His voice.

But it's the times when there is no sunset and no scent of rain, that I stumble the most.

I often count years.

How will I be in 5.
How will I be in 10.
How will I be in 15.
How will I be when my kids have kids.
How will I be when.....

I stand in awe of His wonders, but I put a wall up around me.

I see His artistry and yet I feel like He can't fix me.

I see my MS and say, "He can't. It's beyond His reach."

I ask myself everyday, "He can, but will you let Him?"

When I find that these thoughts are taking hold, I run to Job 38-42.

Here's a few of the many verses where God talks to Job in chapter 38..

24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?

25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm,

26 to water a land where no man lives, a desert with no one in it,

27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass?

28 Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew?

29 From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens

30 when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen?

Golden Ticket to Pad Buying

Took the kids to walmart the other day. That's what you do in a small town; go to walmart. If we lived in a semi bigger town, we'd stroll target, but B'ville hasn't come into the 21st century.

I digress.

I needed some face soap, so we walk over to the cosmetic section. Cooper is in the cart diligently working to buckle himself and Chloe is meandering her way behind me, saying hi to literally every single person we pass and if they stop, she begins telling her life story and showing her bug bites.

A cute couple with a car seat in their cart walked by, heading towards the checkout stand. He was pushing and she had her arm hooked through his, they weren't moving very fast.

The curious person in me looked at the contents of their shopping cart. It contained one item and one item only.

There's only one reason a cute petite girl like herself would have a huge bag of these in her cart.

(glancing in car seat)

Brand new baby!

Inside I giggle.

I can remember a time when having to go to the store to buy feminine products was like having a near death experience. I'd buy the tampons and attempt to mask the box with a box of muffins, or brownies or something from the food section. Or I'd buy a magazine, lay the box on it's front and put the magazine over the top of the box. Walking through the store, I'd carry them under my armpit, where it probably looked as if I was gonna smuggle the things out. And if it weren't illegal to steal tampons, I probably would have.

Then I got older, college age, and it's still an awkward moment at the store, but not as bad as high school.

In college, little did I know there's a rite-of-passage that happens for most women. It's this feat that gives a woman full range of conversation with other women; no holds barred. It's the 'walking on smoldering ashes' moment, the killing a bear with your bare hands....

... having a baby.

Once the baby is born all topics are fair game. Women talk about bowel movements of themselves and that of their new child. Boobs, cracked and non cracked. Stitches, tearing, cutting, pain meds, no pain meds etc.

It's then that going to the store to buy pads, and the biggest most absorbent pads you can find, isn't a big deal! I mean, you've conquered the world! You've got your golden ticket. The world will see those pads on the conveyor belt and a little piece of them will say, "Oooohhh," while nodding their head in understanding.

There's one thing you have to keep in mind.

Remember to bring your golden ticket.

The baby.

Otherwise you're just some girl buying really bulky pads.

Wordless Wednesday

Non Wordless Wednesday

Most Wednesdays I partake in "Wordless Wednesday," but I can't today. I have a good reason.

This little girl is four today!!

I know everyone wonders what their child will be one day & I'm no different.

But more than wondering what she'll be, I wonder who she'll be.

Will she be the girl that loves the Lord so much, Matt and I look at ourselves and say, "Where did she learn such passion?"

Will she love people? I think this will be the case. She is very good about saying hi, asking a name and wondering about the person. She has a tender heart.

Will she be a bug specialist? As of now, it's looking likely. She truly believes every bug placed in her path was put there by the Lord. She's right I guess, but where she learned that I have not a clue.

I hope she becomes a woman that knows who she is in Christ and that light shines brightly to all that meet her. Now it's up to Matt and I to make sure that light always stays lit.

Today

August 4, 2006, one week before I gave birth to our first child, Chloe Joy.

On August 4th, 2007, we learned we were pregnant with our second.

The day I was told, "You have MS," was August 4, 2009.

So today's the day.

But you know what?

Life is good.

A Picture Will Do It

A few days ago, I wrote about "Fingerprints."

Well, right after I posted that, I wrote this one.

The morning Cooper and Chloe decided to swim in their milk, I had a doctor's appointment.

We pick up Matt on the way.

Once at the doctor, we go into 'the big room.' A friendly gal greets us, "Hi, I'm so&so, I'm an Ultrasound student. If I may, can I take a look?"

"SURE! While you are looking, the lady downstairs, wasn't really sure on the baby's gender because the cord was in the way. So if you can, would you look?"

"Sure!"

The baby, of course, doesn't want to cooperate. After a few minutes, the shot we were waiting for, crotch shot.

Girl!

She took a picture of 'her' and to be honest, I can't tell. I'm just taking her word for it. With Chloe we had a crystal clear picture of the '3 lines.'

But I'm not letting that deter me from buying pink things starting now.

On the way home, I began thinking ahead to when this baby is born. I went back to when the kids were born.

My heart got happy.

It was then I felt bad for my reaction to the swimming pool of milk that had been created this morning, or the blood curling screams or the attitude Chloe gave me.

I am happy & school will start soon.

Fingerprints

It wasn't the fact they were playing together. It wasn't the fact that they were being loud.

It was the fact that his scream leaves me deaf for a few minutes.

It wasn't the fact that he spilled his milk.

It was the fact that he intentionally spilled it in order to play in it.

It was the fact that Chloe, knowing better, played it in with him.

I had a rough morning, and it wasn't even 10:30 yet. We had only been out of bed 1 point 5 hours.

I got an email yesterday informing me the kids' school will likely not start until September.

In that same email, I was also informed the nap mats that I had made, were destroyed, gone forever. I was told, "You should purchase another for Cooper, Chloe will not be taking a nap."

I paid around $70 for both, not counting the fabric I bought for Chloe's.

Matt is working like a dog, a d-o-g. He works like a dog and drives 2 hours total to and from work.

Church a few weeks ago, Craig told a story a friend of his had shared.

"I used to get so mad when the kids would get fingerprints all over the window. Now..... I'd give anything to have those little fingerprints all over my window again."

That story has been bouncing back in forth in my brain and heart.

It's been a rough month. I didn't realize just how much I need the kids to go to school. I didn't realize how much they love it!

I am doing my best to be thankful for these times.

My mother in law always says, "Megan, this to shall pass." When she tells me this, it's like nails on a chalk board, I just want to say, "Well, how bout I bring em over til it does."

Hahaha

I'm thankful.
I am really thankful.

Now I have to go clean up the milk.

It's a.....

We had our 'mid-way' ultrasound yesterday. Baby was so cooperative for measurements. But then it came time to find out what we are having. Wouldn't you know, there was an umbilical cord that was in the way!

It's like we aren't supposed to know what this baby is, which is fine with me because I didn't want to know anyway. I agreed because I love my husband and he really wants to know. BUT now that I'm mentally prepared to find out... let's just say, we both walked out of the ultrasound appt kind of bummed.

We were told, "Well, the cord is in the way, but I don't see any boy parts. If I had to guess I'd say it's probably a girl."

Hmmm, 'probably' isn't really what I was looking for, but ok. I mean, it's not like we can get the baby to bend over and move the cord.

When people ask, I have been saying 'she' in regards to how baby and I are doing. I see the doc next week. She does an ultrasound every visit, so I'll have her take a gander.

The picture below was taken right after the tech was trying to see between the legs. If you look below the arrow it looks as if the baby has 'her' thumb up to her cheek, fingers out, saying "nana booboo." Kind of like it stuck it to us. It was funny.
Names? Yea, we only have a boy name, so we've got some thinking to do.

Wednesday

Wednesday.

That's the big day.

I get the privilege of filling my bladder to the hiz max, while a lady pushes on my stomach in an effort to see if Matt and I will be paying for another wedding or just paying for the rehearsal dinner.

That's right folks, we find out pink or blue on WEDNESDAY!

People ask, "What do you think it is?" I honestly can not answer that question. All three pregnancies have been very different.

Chloe: Easy as pie. I did however have to wash my greasy face three times a day in order to prevent a breakout of zits.

Cooper: We thought we lost him early in the pregnancy because I had some bleeding. I was also sick, but only pucked once. Oh and no grease covered face.

NUMBER 3: Pucked a bunch, lost weight, pucked some more, couldn't eat. Face isn't greasy, it's normal.

So this one has been a mixture of both.

Chloe and Matt say boy. Most of my friends say girl.

Check back on Wednesday or Thursday for a picture and the news!

I'd open this to comments, but I'm afraid who's out there wanting to spam me. If you follow me on twitter, twitter your guess. Or if you have my email, email me.

MONEY!

If you had grown up in my house and had ridden in my dad's blue chevy Silverado, you would have heard a plethora of Pink Floyd, Queen and KMOD. At the time, I was a teenager and didn't care for Pink Floyd. Now that I'm older, I'm a lover of their music. So the title to this post comes from their song. Anytime I say the word, "money" I have to say it the way they do in the song.... MONEY!

I wrote about living out Hebrews 13:16 "But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased."

...and someone leaving 2 gift cards on our vehicle. But now I want to tell you what I learned from that experience.

The day the gift cards arrived, I was really wanting an air popcorn maker.

When the gift cards arrived, I'm not gonna lie, my gut reaction was, "Let's go get an air popper."

Matt was not having it and if I really stopped and ignored my craving, I knew it was the wrong thing to do.

But I learned something at that moment.

I realized I cherished that $65 so much because I knew where it came from. I wanted to use that money in a way that would be pleasing to the people that sacrificed and in a way that would be pleasing to God. I wanted to spend it wisely.

The question I asked myself was this, "Do you cherish and appreciate the paychecks we get twice a month as much as you are appreciating these gift cards?"

The answer is "No."

I mean, I appreciate and am VERY thankful Matt has a job. That wasn't the issue. The issue stirring was the fact that I haven't been seeing the paychecks in the same light as the gift cards. Both come from the same place.

We don't spend our money frivously, but I sure do not look at it and ask, "How can I spend this in a way that is pleasing to God?"

We have always tithed, we now have a Compassion Child, we offer to pay for people's things, BUT I don't look at the money and say, "Lord, help me to use this wisely."

I realize that a blessing in gift cards or a blessing in paychecks is all the same blessing. Use it wisely.

God Said

Chloe is really into My Little Pony right now. Her Grama gave her a run down, matted hair, old school My Little Pony about 6 or more months ago. This pony was the beginning to a team of horses all different colors and cutsy names.

I ended up buying her two more so her 'garage sale' pony could have friends to talk to. The fourth was given to her by her teacher. The fifth was bought by me. She had seen a picture of one she didn't have, so I took her to the store and we bought it. Upon reading about all her ponies, she learned her 5th has a sister. So of course, she is desperate for the sister to Scootaloo. Her name is Cherrilee.

Did you get that?

I came up with a fantastic idea. Chloe could 'earn' pennies by helping me around the house with various 'chores.' One day, she randomly cleaned her room. I gave her 5 pennies because I didn't have to ask. Another day, she randomly cleaned Cooper's room; pennies. She 'helps' me vacuum. I do not give her pennies for behavior, nor do I take them away for behavior, even though I really want to at times.

If she earns 100 pennies, she can go 'buy' the sister pony.

This goal of obtaining this sister pony has turned into a "God Said" issue.

One day, after purchasing Scootaloo, Chloe said, "Mom, God said I could have Cherrilee." I proceeded to tell her, "No he didn't. He told me you need to save your money." And as serious as she can be, from her car seat, she said, "No Mom, no, no no, God did not talk to you."

She tells me all the time that she talks to God.

She was sitting on the toilet one afternoon, "Mom! God said, I could have Cherrilee." Knowing what I know in how God talks to Chloe I decided to turn the tables, "Oh really? Perhaps you should ask him if you should save your money first."

From the bathroom I hear a one sided conversation. "God, uhuh. Do I need to save my money to get Cherrilee? Uhuh, yea, ok, uhuh OK"

"MOOOOM God said I need to save my money."

I smiled and giggled.

Matt came home that evening and I shared the story. He smiled and looked at me and said, "Megan, makes ya wonder huh?" If a laugh could speak, my spoke and it said, "I think she talks to him and I tend to believe he speaks back to her 3 year old heart."

This "God told me" or "God said" happens everyday.

Chloe randomly began spelling Cooper's name and recognizing his letters. "Chloe, who taught you that?" I asked because no one in the Knox house taught her and I know she didn't learn it at school.
"God." she says very very matter of factly.
"Oh yea, when did he teach you that?"
"In the night."
"In the night?"
"Ya Mom, he talks to me in the night."

Now if he could only tell her to change her behavior.

Hebrews 13:16

So a few weeks ago, our church was doing the series One Prayer.

During the last week of the series, Lifechurch was joining forces with Compassion International. There was something like 4,000 kids from Ecuador set aside for all of our campuses to adopt.

The service is over, we go grab the kids, pass the desk with all the pictures of the kids and head for the doors. I'm dragging my feet because I feel like we are supposed to get a kid.

I start asking Matt what he thinks, all the while I'm giving reasons as to why we can't afford it. "We can't cut out eating out because we don't do that very often at all. We can't cut any salon visits because I don't do that often enough as it is, I mean look at my hair! We can't we can't we can't."

Matt says, "Soo you wanna go look?"
I look at him, all the while thinking, "I am totally trying to talk you and myself out of this and you wanna go look?"

Normally, I have to convince Matt of something that costs money. I can look at him, hug him, bat my eyes and I get my way. Not because he's weak but because he is madly in love with me. He's a gentlemen that loves his wife.

So I'm standing there stunned. In my head I begin to revisit the conversation that originally took place. How we can't yada yada yada.

"Ok, ya, let's go look."

We go to the table and Matt begins sifting through pictures. I'm telling myself if he wants to do this he is going to pick one out. Cooper is trying to pull my dress down so I will pay attention to him, Chloe is sitting in the middle of everything eating her regular 'after church snack' of cheese crackers, otherwise known as, Cheeze-It's.

"Megan, look at this little dude."

I walk over and staring back at me is a tiny little dark skinned boy with the sweetest face. "Oh man. How old is he?" I look at his DOB. "Matt he's three!"

I ask the Compassion helper, "Do you have a little girl that is three?" In my mind I'm thinking of Chloe and this girl growing up as pen pals or something fluffy like that. I am thinking how this can be a lesson for her as she grows older.

"Why do you want a girl? Does it really matter?" asks Matt.
"No, but..." I don't finish when the helper says, "Here's one."

I grab her card, look at her with her jet black shoulder length hair, bright orange shirt, and girly pink flip flops. Her birthday is in December. "Matt, look at her."

Matt giggles because she is absolutely adorable yet has this ornery look about her. I show her to Chloe, "I like her fwip fwops."

I laugh.

So we sign up.

In the car, I am having an internal panic attack. We don't make enough. We aren't out of debt yet. blah blah blah.

"Matt we can cut back on our cell phone minutes. That'll save like $20."

I begin to spill my guts:
I've wanted a Compassion Child for the longest time, but I felt like the timing was never right. I didn't want to live out of my comfort zone. I didn't want to live without my chai's or my cable or going to Wal-Mart when I please. I am realizing I have wanted to live outside my box. I need to live inside my box. (The sermon that day was about the box mentality. Go to www.lifechurch.tv to watch the message) I have wanted to have my 'things' and still do good for others. Sometimes it doesn't work that way. Matt, I am going to have to trust God that he will provide for us because this is going to be a lot of money right now. But I felt like if I walked out of there without a child I was going against what the Holy Spirit was pushing me to do. And you don't want to disobey the Holy Spirit.

I continue on and on until we are nearly home.

As soon as we get home, I put her picture on the fridge right next to the freezer door handle. Now when I open the door to the fridge or freezer, I see her face and wonder, "What is J. eating tonight?" I see that little chubby face scowling at me and smile. She may be three, but she is, she has weaseled her way into my heart that was filled with selfishness.

I called my MIL that evening and told her what we had done & my reservations. She said, "Megan, God will provide for you guys. It might be rough, but he will provide."

So this past week, the Compassion money came out. Now how our pay works, the first of the month paycheck is small. We are always strapped to the max until the 15th. We didn't think the money would come out until after the 15th.

Well it did, and it stung. "How is Matt going to get to work? How am I going to feed all of us? How is this going to work?......"

On Sunday, our church covered "Blind Side" the movie. (It's At The Movies. You should join us)

The verse was Hebrews 13:16 NKJV "But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased."

Craig asked us "Who is God calling you to reach out to, to bless, to mentor. Maybe God wants you to reach out to your next door neighbor. Maybe you should adopt, foster or reach out to a single mom. Who is God calling you to reach out to b/c God might use you to change their life and God might use theirs to change yours."

I looked at Matt and smiled. My throat was filled with tears. Because it was then, I knew. I knew we had done the right thing. I asked Matt, "Were you thinking of J?" He looked at me and said, "Yep."

We get home from church, we are exhausted. Everyone takes a nap. After we all awoke froma semi coma, Matt and Chloe ran an errand. He gets home and tosses an envelope at me, "This was on the car."

"Hmm," it wasn't addressed to anyone, just blank, "is it a card?"

I open it and out falls two gift cards totalling $65. Almost double what we give for our Compassion Child.

I start to cry, "What is it? What is it?!" Matt is worried. I toss the cards to him. He just laughs.

I am stunned.

I tell him, "Matt I have been worried. I have been internally panicking because I didn't know what we were going to do this week for food!"

So we stop and we just tell God thanks and we pray for those who just lived out Hebrews 13:16 nkjv

"But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased." Hebrews 13:16 NKJV

Reality Check

Warning: This post will be sad.

Last week, when Matt got home, he shared some sad sad news about a co-worker.

I guess the wife of his co-worker was approximately 6 months pregnant. She was having complications and had had many miscarriages prior to this pregnancy.

Matt informed me the baby had died and the wife had to deliver their child.

I lost it. I'm sure Matt lost it on the drive home.

At church the following Sunday, we asked people to pray for them. I lost it again. The sermon was so good & the guest speaker told a story of a father/son relationship involving baseball.

I lost it again. I had to fight going into the ugly cry.

Then last night, Matt said the co-worker was back at work. I asked, "Did you talk to him?"

"No. Megan, I don't know what to say & I'm afraid if I try to talk I'll start crying and he doesn't need that."

"Yeah, I feel like we should do something though. Maybe Matt, the guy just needs a hug."

"Hmmm, ya, you might be right."

So the family buried their first child and I can't stop thinking about them.

Sorry to be so 'debbie downer.' We were just thrown a fastball right down the gut of reality. It's good to get a reality check every once in a while.

Wordless Wednesday

As of Today

I'm 16 weeks already! I am now carrying a turnip.

What's it like carrying a turnip? Gassy and slightly bloating at times, but overall a pleasant experience unless you are sitting next to me. No one notices because Cooper's carrying something in him and he has the same problem as I.

I've not been doing much lately. In case you forgot, I have MS. With that, I avoid the heat like H1N1 and I stay indoors. I only come out at night to deweed my flower bed and water my butterfly bushes. I have been begging God to let it rain everyday until September. I think he's ignoring me.

Chloe has decided it's a 'gweat idea' to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning, "Mom, will you cover me up?" I guess she has forgotten how to do that herself. Lucky for her, I oblige because I always have to pee.

Cooper is still Cooper. That little boy, oh my. He had me at "PUSH! Congrat's it's a boy!" I've been like putty in his hands ever since. If he continues to avoid attempting to learn how to use the toilet we are going to have issues. I tell Matt all the time, "Unless you want a son who only pees while sitting when he's still 20, you HAVE to let him see you use the bathroom every once in a while." Matt's response to this. "Megan, he gets right in front of me and begins pointing and making noises like he's asking a question, all the while tilting his head ever so slightly to the left. It makes me uncomfortable." To this I say, "Fine, he'll be a squatter."

Now for the third child that will enter the Knox house in December. I often wonder where this little person is going to sleep after it leaves our room around 6 weeks of age. When Matt was a baby, I'm pretty sure he slept in a dresser drawer. I need to verify that with my MIL, but it is a possibility. Do you think DHS will be ok with that? What if I remove the drawer from the dresser and put a bumper on it?

Now for Matt and I. I keep telling that boy, "You want to make me happy? Take me out on a date." I've been giving him wonderful ideas. For instance, I gave two restaurants; Zio's and Thai food. Then I mentioned some activities, movies (We haven't been to a theatre in 6 years. Too much $$$ for us cheap-o's.) I can't remember if I mentioned anything else. OHH I might have said, we could go shopping for me some prego clothes. That always makes a girl feel special. You know, there's nothing like buying clothes to fit a fat woman. Ahh good times. I always leave the maternity store with a smile. (hahahaha, not)

So that's that.

Anyone really frustrated you can't comment?

I did that on purpose... ask a question you can't answer. (enter evil laugh)

Wordless Wednesday

Number Three

This was my 13 week visit. Chloe got to see it, "on the doctor's tv." as she says.

When this posts, I'll be 15 weeks!! wahoo!

Food

Lately, I've really been on a cooking binge. I am addicted to Pioneer Woman's cooking website, http://www.tastykitchen.com/ There are SO many recipes for SO many things.

I'll share two of the, run to the store, you gotta make em tonight, your hubby will want to make out with you, recipes.

Here's the link to the first.

Stir Fry Tilapia with Asparagus

I added squash in mine, along with Weber's lemon/pepper seasoning. So good and I don't like fish! This recipe changed my mind, at least towards tilapia. (When I make this again, I'll add more squash.) The recipe said to cook the asparagus for 1 minute. I cooked mine longer and put a lid on it so it would steam. I cooked it until the squash was tender but not falling apart.

Here's the second.

Smoked Gouda & Bacon Stuffed Pork Chops

My picture is blurry, but let me tell you this was so good. I'll give hints.

I used my cast iron skillet because it heats the best on our electric stove.

I didn't get it very hot, so the chops would cook evenly and not burn before they were done.

I stuck a toothpick in them to hold them together.

Even if you hate green onion, use it.

It was a one skillet meal.

My "meat man" pocketed the chops for me. If you have a Meat Man and by meat man I mean a meat market, have them cut the slits for you.

So there's two meals for dinner next week or this weekend. I can say, these two are very simple. I don't cook intricate meals, I don't have the time and they never come out tasting intricate. These were super simple and super delish. Try em!

Wordless Wednesday

Reunion 2010

This is my family... We had our 4th Annual Family Reunion at Fin & Feather Resort on Lake Tenkiller. We had such a great time! Oh wait, maybe I should say we had an awful time so you and yours will not want to go... hahaThis is my Cooper...
This is my Cooper 'riding' a bike and being held by Matt's cousin, Jacob.
This is my Cooper 'riding' a bike being held by Matt's Dad because when Jacob was done, Cooper was not.
This is Abigail... nuf said.

This is a picture of most of my nieces and nephews playing in the freshly poured volleyball court sand...
This is my Cooper, he likes hats of all shapes, sizes & purposes...
Here are my in-laws. We celebrated their 40th anniversary...

Here's my Cooper again. He fell asleep on Grandma's lap.

Here's Matt and I.